Waiting to get engaged

jvillers86

Is it natural to anticipate getting engaged to someone? My boyfriend and I have been to together 5 years and four months. I feel as if he doesn't want to get married, if I mention it he kinda pretends to ignore what I am saying. How do I bring it up asking if he wants to

cnf2013

You act like an adult and have a frank discussion with him. If getting married is something he does not want but you do, then you're both on different playing fields. If he's just not ready yet then let it lie for a while. Not wanting to get married and not being ready to get married are two different things. Have an adult discussion about which it is and go from there. If he is incapable of having the conversation though, then I would go out on a limb and say he's not planning on getting married anytime soon. 

steign

Ask your BF to sit down with you and come up with a timeline or at least have a discussion with him on your feelings about your relationship and marriage. He may be ignoring you about the topic depending on how you bring it up. There is a huge difference between communicating on the topic as compared to nagging him about it. In all honesty he may just not be ready for it or want to get married period and you need to prepare yourself for that.

shannonhubz28

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_waiting-to-get-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:c43e012e-73f9-48ee-b99f-91a4afc311cdPost:9958ec94-9486-4fc4-abd8-d7cc0677d8aa">Waiting to get engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it natural to anticipate getting engaged to someone? My boyfriend and I have been to together 5 years and four months. I feel as if he doesn't want to get married, if I mention it he kinda pretends to ignore what I am saying. How do I bring it up asking if he wants to
Posted by jvillers86[/QUOTE]
 
I totally agree with the PP. There's a difference between hounding your boyfriend to propose, and having a mature conversation about what the future hold for the two of you as a couple. How old are you guys?

GoodLuckBear14

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_waiting-to-get-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:c43e012e-73f9-48ee-b99f-91a4afc311cdPost:9958ec94-9486-4fc4-abd8-d7cc0677d8aa">Waiting to get engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it natural to anticipate getting engaged to someone? My boyfriend and I have been to together 5 years and four months. I feel as if he doesn't want to get married, if I mention it he kinda pretends to ignore what I am saying. How do I bring it up asking if he wants to
Posted by jvillers86[/QUOTE]

Leave him out of it for a minute. If you cannot sit down with him and lay your cards on the table about where you are expecting your relationship to go, then I don't think <em>you</em> are ready for marriage.</div>

jvillers86

I try to have a regular conversation with him but he tells me why do I need a piece of paper to say we're married. I don't know

thejucheidea

Yeah, come over to NEY for this discussion.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_waiting-to-get-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:c43e012e-73f9-48ee-b99f-91a4afc311cdPost:49870eee-b0b2-4d86-845d-9a4c9566c3d6">Re:Waiting to get engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Waiting to get engaged : It sounds like he doesn't want to get married.  Sorry, but I think you have to either accept that or move on.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Yep.  You need to decide how important it is to you to get married.  That "little piece of paper" gives you protections as a spouse - this is why so many people in this country are fighting like hell for the right to be married and have their marriages recognized in all 50 states and by the Federal government.  I'm sorry OP but when people like your FI belittle marriage as just being a piece of paper it really p!sses me off.

smith6tm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_waiting-to-get-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:c43e012e-73f9-48ee-b99f-91a4afc311cdPost:9958ec94-9486-4fc4-abd8-d7cc0677d8aa">Waiting to get engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it natural to anticipate getting engaged to someone? My boyfriend and I have been to together 5 years and four months. I feel as if he doesn't want to get married, if I mention it he kinda pretends to ignore what I am saying. How do I bring it up asking if he wants to
Posted by jvillers86[/QUOTE]

Have a talk with him and ask him what he wants and his goals for marriage etc.  Set up a timeline...this might set your mind at ease and his.  Some guys don't realize that getting engaged often means you aren't getting married the next day...they don't know the amount of time and don't have it laid out like us girls do (sometimes).  Just be honest...and talk with him. 

Vintagelove4

Have an adult discussion with him.

Alli Llo

engagement advice explained 

TheBaysideBride

I agree w/ everyone - have a conversation, and figure out what about it is making him gun-shy. Some men do need a bit of an ultimatum. My brother waited FOREVER to propose to his GF (who was perfect for him), and she finally said, when he got a new job, that she wouldn't move w/o a ring. It was the push he needed.
But to be clear, a gentle push can be helpful, but you shouldn't have to drag him....