Just Started Planning and Beyond Overwhelmed!

Jenny Kate

I have been engaged for one month and I feel like I am wishing this wedding to come and go so that I can be done with it! Its terrible! My fiance is part of a group called the Mummers and we have a TON of people that he really wants at our wedding. Our guest list is around 350.  We have limited options due to the large number and I can't wrap my head around the amount of money we are going to spend.  Our parents are both willing to help and fortunately are in a position that they can which I am so grateful for. Why can't I just enjoy this and be happy!?

Jenny Kate

Its a Philadelphia thing - check them out on New Years day, its a HUGE parade where the "mummers" play music, wear incredible costumes, and put on a show!

jagore08

You have until June of 2013.  Take a step back and enjoy yourself for a little while.  There's no need jump into planning as soon as you get engaged (unless you're planning for a short engagement). 

Jenny Kate

200ish??  Plus my large family, his family, friends - easy 350 if not more.  I wish we could get the number down but I don't think its an option unless we did a destination wedding.

Jenny Kate

Apparently not... I'm pretty sure that was our first serious fight - over his list.  I have accepted the number at this point. He got his total of 300+ people (including fam and friends) down to 200 so that was a big cut for me.  Now its to finding a place to accomodate.  There are options, just expensive options!!! I think you are right though, I need to try to chill out. Easier said than done...

mschoenf

First off, congratulations on being engaged!  This is supposed to be a fun and exciting time so take a breath and enjoy yourself! 

I understand that getting a guest list down can cause tension.  The same thing has happened in my family since there are so many people.  Once costs came into play, it was a little easier to see that realistically, we just couldn't pull it off while sticking with our budget.  I really hope that you and your fiance can come to a compromise soon!

robleesarahedmiston

I can certainly understand this situation! We don't have nearly the number you have, and we still had a hard time cutting people.

It's great that both sets of parents are willing to help out with costs. However, keep in mind that while that will alleviate financial stress, it could potentially cause more tension because suddenly everyone has a hand in the cookie jar, and wants a piece. AKA, they will all want to have their opinions heard and considered!

There is good news! It is possible to pull this off with grace! I learned the hard way that no matter WHAT you do, you're going to upset pretty much everyone, at some point in time, whether it's your fault or not. The BEST advice I could give you would be this:

Listen openly to what everyone has to say. Unless you KNOW that you immediately LOVE the idea, simply say, "Wow, I hadn't thought about that. Let me talk to my fiance and see what he thinks. We'll definitely take it into consideration." Even if you HATE their idea, say it! This lets people know they've been heard, which goes a VEEEERRRY long way when planning a wedding! 9/10 times, they never bring it up again. But, if they do, make sure you've told your fiance it came up so the two of  you can discuss it TOGETHER and decide TOGETHER. That way, no matter whose family member or friend suggested it, you have each other to fall back on for support in making the decision for the wedding of YOUR dreams.

When my fiance and I started, we were making concessions left and right for what everyone ELSE wanted. I suddenly realized, after 3 months of this, our wedding wasn't ours anymore. It was everyone elses. I adopted the mantra above that day, and it has made planning MUCH simpler!!

Don't take things personally when people get upset. It's a wedding and emotions WILL fly. Don't let people put things on your shoulders that aren't your responsibility (i.e. my future mom in law conned me in to planning our rehearsal dinner!) Another mantra I adopted was, "Thank you so much for reminding me about that, but that's something that isn't on my to-do list, and I totally trust you to take care of it for me!" Then people feel a sense of responsibilty and pride in "helping" you with your wedding, aka taking care of something that you needn't worry about!

Most importantly, keep in mind that no matter how much crap hits the fan between now and your wedding, the most important thing is that you marry the man you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. If you don't lose sight of THAT, you will enjoy this! Maybe not every step of it...but overall!

Sorry about the essay. We're in our last 2 months so I have learned a few tricks! Hope it's helpful!

ehenry010

Congrats on your engagement! Good luck with everything!

Zimsgirl

Welcome and congrats. If you're not comfortable inviting that many talk to your FI. I personally would not want that big of a wedding. If you want a more close intimate wedding explain that to your FI

Jenny Kate

Thanks for all of your advice! It means a lot!