Long vs. Short engagement- Would I be missing out???

kell23vw

Just engaged and thinking of getting married this summer possibly Memorial Day weekend thats like 4 months from now!  Work does not allow fall or winter wedding.  We are a lil older 33 and 40 and dont want to wait until next summer- would like to start working on a family.  

A few friends made a comment that we are rushing and should wait so we can enjoy our engagement.  

Would we be missing out on anything it we go for a short engagement??  If so, what!

[Deleted User]

Everyone's different so there's no right or wrong when it comes to a short engagement. If you want certain elements for your wedding you need to move quick but other than that you're fine. Congratulations!

AddieCake

I agree with Jordan. You and your fiance need to decide what is best for you. Congrats and happy planning!

nextrightthing

I agree that it depends on you and your fiance.  We have had a long engagement and I've really enjoyed it because there is no stress, just fun and excitement.  But it really depends on what else is going on in your life and your finances. 

cwaggoner07

We had a 7 month engagement, and I can't imagine doing anything longer. I was READY to be married after 4 years of dating. I didn't care really about 'enjoying' the engagement, I enjoy being married so much more. I really didn't care about having a 'perfect' wedding. But that's us. Every couple is different, and there's certainly no wrong way to do it.

crystaldbl

Mine will be a year and a half. And we've been dating for 11 years! I just wanted to make sure we could afford everything we want. It all depends on what works for you.

PreDempsey

My FI and I decided on a 6 month engagement, which has worked out great because we're really organized and on top of things.  We're also trying to start a family this fall so I totally hear you on not wanting to wait!

desertmomnm

I planned my wedding 4 months to the day after getting engaged.  You can do it as long as you find venues and vendors that work for you.  My advice is to not try a lot of diy projects.  Also, don't sweat the smart stuff.  We were even older than you 47, and 49 and were trying to beat the clock in order to have my father in law make it when he was 89 and in chemo.  He made it and all was well.  In the end, you have to decide, but don't let anyone convince you that you need a year.  Jump on the dress shopping though.  I bought a sample.  Some companies would have done rush orders.  I'd say, why wait. At your age you've waited long enough.  The goal is the marriage, not just the wedding. 

Summer2011Bride

Ours was a little longer (9 months) but still shorter than many engagements. I don't feel we missed out and it didn't feel rushed. I think 4 months is definitely doable but I would get going ASAP on finding vendors and venues. Ours booked up months in advance. You can still enjoy your engagement even if it isn't super long,

The ONLY thing I can think you'd "miss out" on would be STDs, as they should go out 6+ months prior. But those are not in any way, shape or form required, so it is truly NBD to miss out on those.

polkadot111

The wedding industry likes to make you think you need a lonnng time to plan. But honestly, 4 months is way do-able. 

tiny speck

You can definitely plan a lovely wedding in 4 months, and I don't think you'll be missing out on anything. Honestly, if you have the time and money to plan right now, go for it (and of course it doesn't need to take lots of $$ and time either!). We're taking about 8 months to plan, but would have taken less time except that we had to wait for Easter break to come around so our families could travel.

JoanE2012

We had a 9 month engagement.  Definitely could've planned for it sooner, however I was concerned about getting a dress in time.  Many shops will tell you a dress takes 6-9 months to come in, and then you need to factor in alterations.  In the end, my dress took about 5 months.  If you are more flexible with your dress (off the rack, David's Bridal) you can probably do it in 4 months.

I think as we get older, shorter engagements are easier.  Why drag out the planning any longer than necessary.  

lyndsay782

I got engaged on 12/30/12, and will be married on 9/14/13.  9 1/2 months roughly.  It's just enough time for us to save up what we need, and just short enough that I can stand it.  I really don't see the point in long engagements.  I have a coworker who is engaged with no intention of setting a date in the next couple of years.  It's like what is the point?  

Getting engaged should mean you actually plan on setting a date and getting married, whether you need a long engagement or choose a shorter one, that's what counts.  Truthfully, if I had the finances, I'd be married by July.  But I need a couple extra months, and it's a little too warm where I live for that month to be comfortable. 

MrsH86

Just depends if you need time to figure out your plans, as far as financial planning and all the details. If you are ready and you know what you want, go for it! I am having a 7 month engagement and Im happy with it

Psych819

Congrats! As far as the length of engagement, you and your fiance should do what you feel comfortable with. It is very doable to have a short engagement and still be able to plan a beautiful wedding. Good luck and happy planning!

hayleyc2013

We'll be engaged for 11 months and since I'm still in undergrad I'm enjoying having a bit longer to plan and not be so stressed out right before graduation. But I think as long as you don't have your heart set on a certain venue or photographer (those tend to book up farther out but there's certainly no harm in trying for the person of your dreams!) and are willing to be flexible about your dress, you can put together a wonderful celebration in 4 months.

I know someone who was only engaged for about a month because her fiance is in the military and their wedding was beautiful and, most importantly, heartfelt.

So I say go for it!

tanyamarie16

I got engaged in early November, and will be getting married in early September. So many people thought I had a "short" engagement. After being together for 6 years, I really don't want to wait anymore! Time is going by very slowly in anticipation of September. I cannot imagine being engaged any longer than the 10 months that I have set myself up for! I have a friend who is getting married in July, who will have been engaged a year and a half, and a friend who got engaged in July who won't be getting married until August 2014. There is no way I could have done that. It completely depends on who you are, what your priorities are, and what you expect. If you have a general idea of what you want, and aren't to picky/you are willing to compromise, a short engagement can most certainly work! There are things that I couldn't have done if my engagement had been any shorter (photographers, venues, florists were already booked when I was looking for these vendors- but luckily my first through third picks were still available), the dress I wanted is going to take 6-8 months to come in, my bridesmaid dresses will take 6 months to come in. If you are flexible, and don't have your heart set on anything that may be compromised by a lack of time, I don't think you will miss out on anything. I am three months into my engagement, and I am way ahead of schedule. I have planned more than my friend who has already been engaged for 13 months, and is getting married in July. I do however, love planning things- and i had a pretty specific idea of what I wanted for a wedding. I often times find myself looking for more things to do! (Luckily house hunting has pushed its way into my to-do list!) It is very person-to-person, but if you don't want to wait, DONT! marriage should be just as fun, if not more fun than being engaged- and if you are looking to start a family, go for it! Best wishes, and congratulations!

beautifulmama28

I'm an older bride (38) and fiance is 38 too...we have been engaged about 18 months as of right now LOL...not by choice, more so due to finances & a few other things plus had a date set last fall and had to reschedule.

 Anyway, I don't think you are rushing, its not like you met last week and got engaged 3 days later (I've seen this IRL...its shocking LOL)

I think 4 months out is perfect if it fits your schedule, good luck!

kkatowll

Long is really only needed if you need to save up money or you needed a particular date/venue. (We ended up with 1 1/2 years because we wanted a particular venue...the place we first met.) So if you don't have either of those issues, hurray! Get married in 4 months and enjoy every second of it!

kkent2000

Use a short engagement as a negogation point with vendors, especially your reception site!! If they're not booked up now, they probably worried they won't book the date at all and will probably be more desperate to get anything booked!  If you're organized and flexible, this could be a way to SAVE money.  So many couples plan so far out that many vendors who aren't already booked are not expecting to be booked.

zantster

We went with 1 yr. and 4 mos. because we needed to save up for a pretty big wedding and to use the vendors we wanted and get the venue we wanted.  We did not want to go into any debt.  Plus I had just started my job and needed time to settle in before taking time off for a honeymoon (need to save up for that too). 

And FH and his family are really close.  They are from England so I wanted to give OOTs plenty of time to save up.  I wanted to get married in my church because I'm catholic.  My family is scattered around the US too so more time helps those guests many of whom have kids. 

On the one hand I have been enjoying taking my time and planning, saving up vacation time, bonding with FILS, organizing WP, indulging in wedding tv shows, etc. without feeling rushed at all.  But I am definitely eager for September to get here.  In a weird way, the anticipation is part of the engagement fun!  We also took out wedding insurance to make sure no weather, illness, job loss or whatever could affect what we're spending.  So as you can see there are a lot of factors.  Only you two know what is most important to you.

Micki87

Not at all, I got engaged in November and I am getting married in June and when I would tell family the date, they all asked why so soon and what's the rush, my thing is why wait, just go for it!!!!! Happy planning and congrats

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_long-vs-short-engagement-would-i-be-missing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:f5b946f0-8f86-4559-a05d-0f2db1f75c81Post:816dd004-ad7a-4f46-9d09-0c2b253c5bdc">Long vs. Short engagement- Would I be missing out???</a>:
[QUOTE]Just engaged and thinking of getting married this summer possibly Memorial Day weekend thats like 4 months from now!  Work does not allow fall or winter wedding.  We are a lil older 33 and 40 and dont want to wait until next summer- would like to start working on a family.   A few friends made a comment that we are rushing and should wait so we can enjoy our engagement.   Would we be missing out on anything it we go for a short engagement??  If so, what!
Posted by kell23vw[/QUOTE]

Mabejarano

It's YOUR engagement.  It's whatever works for you.  It reminded me of this little sign I came across on a post.  It read "F%#*k 'em if they don't like the chairs", it basically explained that everything that you are doing is for the celebration between you and your honey.  It's not about entertaining anyone else or going out of your way to make others happy.  What a relief it was to see that hey, maybe I'm not all that crazy on being a "little" selfish on how I go about planning the details of my wedding and making it revolve around what works for me and my fiance.  What a thought huh?  BTW Congrats!!!

Angeleyes40

I am 37 & my FI is 40 & we have been dating 2 1/2 yrs. Our engagement will be 4months. Ive been engaged since Christmas & we are getting married in April, we also didnt want to wait becuase we are older, so its whatever works for you. Congratulations!!!!!

hockeywife10

My FI and I got engaged 10/11/12 and had all intentions of waiting till June of 2014, but we decided, why wait and moved it up to this June... Eventhough sometimes I think we will never have everything ready, I have faith that it will work out.

Eicksa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_long-vs-short-engagement-would-i-be-missing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:f5b946f0-8f86-4559-a05d-0f2db1f75c81Post:816dd004-ad7a-4f46-9d09-0c2b253c5bdc">Long vs. Short engagement- Would I be missing out???</a>:
[QUOTE]Just engaged and thinking of getting married this summer possibly Memorial Day weekend thats like 4 months from now!  Work does not allow fall or winter wedding.  We are a lil older 33 and 40 and dont want to wait until next summer- would like to start working on a family.   A few friends made a comment that we are rushing and should wait so we can enjoy our engagement.   Would we be missing out on anything it we go for a short engagement??  If so, what!
Posted by kell23vw[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I will be getting married 23 months after I got engaged-wow! way too long, in my opinion. A four month engagement is pretty short but I think you need to think of what you would be missing out on, rather than on enjoying being engaged, but enjoying being married- if you two are ready, go for it! Don't let people get you down or make you think twice about what you want for your life- value and consider their opinions but when it comes down to it, like you said, you would like to start a family soon- you could use those first six months enjoying being a married couple, then start your family when your other option for a wedding date was...just got with your heart!</div>

KatieD091314

I had a friend tell me she wishes she had a shorter engagement so she didn't over think and over research every tiny little detail in her wedding. Don't worry about what other people say, just do what is right for the two of you! We have a pretty long engagement because of finances and trying to buy a house, and that is our own personal choice. Congratulations and good luck planning.

vball171

I say go for it!  When our big day gets here, we will have been engaged for just seven months, and honestly, it could have been shorter. I don't find there to be anything super special about being engaged....I just want to marry my man!  We didn't even do Save the Dates...we just made sure to communicate the date to the people who were most important to us as soon as we knew what it was.  I was very organized and had all my vendors booked (and bought my dress) within a month of getting engaged.  The time since has just been the ticky tacky stuff (picking invitations, linens, cake flavors, escort cards, etc). If I needed to, I could have done it sooner.  Just stay organized and on top of things and you'll be fine!  Good luck! 

TinaJames2014

My fiance and I got engaged on January 13, 2013 and our date is set for May 17, 2014. We agreed to have a year engagement so we wouldn't be stressed out and could have the planning done a few months before the wedding. As it turns out we have a year and a half engagement and the funny part is we have most the wedding planned already and we haven't even been engaged a month.. Now its just a waiting game. Im ready to change the date to this May but his mom is stationed in Arkansas with the Army and we are waiting to see if he gets deployed again... Plus I have to give my dad time to adjust to wearing a tuxedo. He's not one for the tux idea