Setting the date - working around other brides to be

OnLA

So i got engaged on the 24th on March, a good friend of mine got engaged on March 16th, 8 days apart (our 30th birthdays were 2 days apart).  How do I go about picking a date - should I consult her...when were you thinking for yours?  There won't be huge overlap between the weddings but the people who do overlap are very important to both of us and I know we both want them in attendance.  I don't want to be pushy but I don't want to step on toes...I don't know what to do!?!
(I also hate that I have been engaged 2 days and have been asked about 100 times when the wedding is but I know I have to set the date and I have an idea of when it will be, it's just not decided for sure yet)

krose83013

I would suggest asking if she has any dates in mind. My FI and I got engaged on 9/4/2011 and his cousin got engaged on 9/2/2011 (2 days before us). Originally we talked about January 2014 for our wedding date because we were still house hunting and we wanted to make sure we had plenty of time to save up money for the wedding. 

We bought our house last March and FI asked if I wanted to move the date. We were going to move it up to our anniversay on 6/1/2013. We started getting some ideas for venues and we found out his cousin is getting married 6/15/2013. I didn't want to be that bride to plan something so close to her wedding. So we decided 8/31/2013 (same weekend we got engaged - 2 years later). 

Now on the flip side of this FI's best friend (also the best man) got engaged Dec. 2011. They asked when we set our date (8/31/2013) and then his FI decided that she wanted to get married 8/10/2013. Just 3 weeks before us. At first I was mad. Variety of reasons - mainly because FI has to use his vacation the week of their wedding to make sure he's off of work because the plant is shut down. So if he doesn't use vacation he has to work and will in turn miss their wedding (my FI is the best man in their wedding). Because he needs to use his vacation it's going to impact our honeymoon plans. Overall, it's not the end of the world that they are so close. I just wouldn't want to do that to someone else. The timing is hard, especially because of his and my FI's bachelor parties, etc.

Either way it's up to you to decide on how you want to plan but I just thought I would share my experience.

krose83013

Oh and PS Congratulations!!

Stina51286

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_setting-the-date-working-around-other-brides-to-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:f7f4ba99-88ce-4bc1-9fe4-dcf03b886bcdPost:4c7e7fca-c909-4692-908d-935466a87163">Re: Setting the date - working around other brides to be</a>:
[QUOTE]I would suggest asking if she has any dates in mind. My FI and I got engaged on 9/4/2011 and his cousin got engaged on 9/2/2011 (2 days before us). Originally we talked about January 2014 for our wedding date because we were still house hunting and we wanted to make sure we had plenty of time to save up money for the wedding.  We bought our house last March and FI asked if I wanted to move the date. <strong>We were going to move it up to our anniversay on 6/1/2013. We started getting some ideas for venues and we found out his cousin is getting married 6/15/2013. I didn't want to be that bride to plan something so close to her wedding. So we decided 8/31/2013 (same weekend we got engaged - 2 years later). </strong> Now on the flip side of this FI's best friend (also the best man) got engaged Dec. 2011. They asked when we set our date (8/31/2013) and then his FI decided that she wanted to get married 8/10/2013. Just 3 weeks before us. At first I was mad. Variety of reasons - mainly because FI has to use his vacation the week of their wedding to make sure he's off of work because the plant is shut down. So if he doesn't use vacation he has to work and will in turn miss their wedding (my FI is the best man in their wedding). Because he needs to use his vacation it's going to impact our honeymoon plans. Overall, it's not the end of the world that they are so close. I just wouldn't want to do that to someone else. The timing is hard, especially because of his and my FI's bachelor parties, etc. Either way it's up to you to decide on how you want to plan but I just thought I would share my experience.
Posted by krose83013[/QUOTE]

OP, I would maybe just talk to her to see if they set a date yet. If they haven't and don't until after you and they plan theirs close to you, thats not your fault.

As for the bolded. My FI's cousin got engaged over a year after we got engaged. They are getting married exactly two weeks after us. Not a big deal. They already knew when ours was since I had to ask for their address.

Knottie_22382244

Talk to her about it. My friend and I both have decided October 2015 for our weddings, and we were both thinking Halloween. She's not into weddings and told me to pick first. She just wants to go to the justice of the peace and maybe have a few friends over. She flat out told me she will work around whatever date I want.

I'm not sure if your friend is as laid back about it but talk to her. For all you know you have the same date, but a different year!

jenfromjersey

My oldest friend in the world got engaged a month before I did and we ended up setting our dates exactly 4 weeks apart.  We have to fly to Vegas for hers and she has to fly to NJ for ours.  The only thing it impacted was that we chose 11/23 and not 11/2 (the other date our venue was available).  She isn't taking a honeymoon so I didn't have to worry that she wouldn't be back.

crazypuglady

Figure out what time of year you would like to get married and start looking at venues. Depending on the time of year, venues will have only certain dates available. Then from there, pick a date based on venue availability. You and your friend may not even want to get married around the same season. Talk to her and find out what time of year she was thinking. My FI's brother got engaged before us, but couldn't get a venue date before 2014 (Lives in NY) This freed up fall 2013 for us, so we saw some venues and chose a date based on availability.