Students

Family hates the location and date of wedding

My FI and I are still in college but are 4th years. Besides the fact that both sides of parents hate that we are getting married before graduation, my family keep arguing with me that they have to dive 3 hours to the wedding. Why is the drive 3 hours? because we decided to have the wedding where we live versus where my family lives. We though it would be a neutral territory and that both sides of the family would have to travel. They also hate that the date is a monday because they have to take work off. We chose monday because it is during our spring break and the first saturday after classes would just be too hectic. 

Does anyone have ideas on how to make the family happy without altering my special day?

Re: Family hates the location and date of wedding

  • It sounds like there is no way to make your parents happy while keeping it on a Monday. Can you move the date to Sunday? I would be a little upset if my daughter was getting married on a Monday and most of my family would not be able to make it to see them. A Sunday would be an easier time for people to come in for the wedding.

    Or could you do the second Saturday of your spring break? You can go on a honeymoon after you graduate (FI and I are getting married in September and honeymooning in December).
    Anniversary image
  • edited September 2010
    i think you might need to meet people in the middle a little bit. 

    i hate to ask this question -- but who is paying? 

    if you are paying for the whole shin-dig, then you can (technically) set the bar wherever you want, most of the time although i think you should to take your family's feelings into consideration. if they are helping you pay, though, then i think you are even more obligated to compromise with them. 

    sure, your campus areas is likely "neutral territory" but it IS very hard for people to take off lots of work, and drive, especially if the wedding is not on a weekend. presuming you have a party in the evening, people have to take off both monday and tuesday. most folks dont have spring break

    a suggestion to ponder -- you are in the 4th year. you are already planning it for spring break (almost summer) -- why not consider waiting until school is over? then you will likely be free from school, and you might be able to have it on a weekend. that might appease some people. 
    http://www.mywedding.com/lynnieandandy
    october '10 siggy: Early Pic of me and FI (not the first.....)
    imageVisit The Knot! Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Wait. Please wait.

    My father was very adamant about us waiting until after graduation, and for good reason. Your senior year is NOT the time to be stressing out about a wedding and trying to squeeze it into your week off school. I graduate in December.

    And really, you're talking a difference of 2 months or something between Spring Break and graduation.

    Wait.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    Hawaii with my best friend =)
    Photobucket
  • You've pretty much already alienated your families with your plans. Maybe you don't realize it yet because you aren't done school, but taking off a day of work can be a BIG hassel for some people. And if your wedding will go on into the evening, some people may need to stay overnight, so there's ANOTHER day.

    Honestly, do just postpone it until summer. Having a wedding is all about compromise.

    Or just elope on your Spring Break. Your family would probably be upset with that.
  • A Monday wedding with a 3 hour drive for your family/ guests?  I would be annoyed too!  It sounds like you're doing what you want without taking anyone else's situation in to consideration.  That's fine; just don't be surprised when people are annoyed/ upset/ don't show up when you're expecting them to drive for 6 hours and take 2 days off work and the only reason is to make your life a tiny bit easier.  You think classes are hectic?  Wait til you get to the working world...

    Move your date to a time that's more sensitive to the needs of your guests (and your FAMILY).  Family is more important than your complete convenience IMO.  Why make your family jump through unnecessary hoops to see you get married? 
    imagePhotobucketimagePhotobucketPromote My Wedding
  • I understand the neutral territory thing, and I don't think a 3-hour drive is something to complain about.  However, a Monday wedding is pretty inconsiderate, because most people will have to take two days off of work/school. 

    Normally I wouldn't push you to wait until you graduate, but it's really not that long until graduation.  Or at least move it to a more convenient (i.e. not around finals) weekend.  If it MUST be before graduation, and over a break, can you push it up to a weekend over winter break (which is usually pretty long) so that people can travel on the weekend without taking time off?  There is a give-and-take here; people should be gracious about your choices to a point, but a Monday wedding is pretty rude.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I'd be irritated if I got invited to a wedding that was 3 hours away and it was a Monday. I doubt your parents are the only ones that won't like that date, if I were you I would seriously think about changing it.


  • I agree that you should try for that Sunday (that way people don't have to take off work), but I would keep the location (they just have to accept that it's where you live).

    Making your family happy will ultimately benefit you anyway... of course you'll want your family there, but if you're inviting all of these people, then it will be a waste of money and effort if they don't/can't show.
     

    Photobucket
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_family-hates-location-date-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:aea42091-39e1-429e-bfc7-605a52f04b36Post:8ac50a1f-7f41-4b18-b0a9-e95617190619">Re: Family hates the location and date of wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I agree that you should try for that Sunday (that way people don't have to take off work)</strong>, but I would keep the location (they just have to accept that it's where you live). Making your family happy will ultimately benefit you anyway... of course you'll want your family there, but if you're inviting all of these people, then it will be a waste of money and effort if they don't/can't show.  
    Posted by MelG06[/QUOTE]

    Just so you know, most people will still have to take off of work for a Sunday wedding as well, unless the reception ends uber early.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I'm the MOH in this wedding, and just in case people are wondering, when she says "neutral territory," she means that both families live in very different areas in our state. Regardless of where the wedding was taking place, there would be travel involved for someone. The campus area is basically the middle ground between where the groom's family live and where the bride's family live. The bride has been trying so hard to make both families happy, even though the bride and groom are the ones paying (entirely) for the wedding.

    And I agree with LauraT. They'd be taking a day or two off if it was a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. Why does Monday matter?
  • If it were on a Saturday, guests wouldn't have to take anytime off to make the drive. By putting it on a Monday she is inconveniencing all of her ger guests. I agree that her family will probably take a day or two off no matter what day it is because they are more involved in the wedding. But a Monday wedding is going to be difficult for guests to come to because, people have lives that don't revolve around her wedding. IMO it would be a lot easier and make everyone happier if she just post-poned until the summer.


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_family-hates-location-date-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:aea42091-39e1-429e-bfc7-605a52f04b36Post:04721182-288d-4efe-aae4-025635c48270">Re: Family hates the location and date of wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm the MOH in this wedding, and just in case people are wondering, when she says "neutral territory," she means that both families live in very different areas in our state. Regardless of where the wedding was taking place, there would be travel involved for someone. The campus area is basically the middle ground between where the groom's family live and where the bride's family live. The bride has been trying so hard to make both families happy, even though the bride and groom are the ones paying (entirely) for the wedding. And I agree with LauraT. <strong>They'd be taking a day or two off if it was a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. Why does Monday matter?</strong>
    Posted by nutmeg36[/QUOTE]


    Monday night wedding would require them to take 2 days off- Monday and Tuesday.

    A Sunday night wedding would require 1 day off (Monday). But a Sunday morning wedding would allow people to get home in time for work on Monday.

    A Friday night wedding would require 1 day off no matter what time, though later could mean that people could work a half day.

    A Saturday wedding means no one has to take off work.

    And she will have a lot of No's if she does a Monday wedding. I wouldn't take off unless we were very close. Also, the fact that the parents hate it makes sense- it is the most inconvenient time. I agree with the majority of the people who say wait until summer since the difference between end of March and early May is about 6 weeks. No stress of school, just wedding fun.

    Also, why is the OP not coming back and explaining this? Why is she sending her MOH in instead?
    Anniversary image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_family-hates-location-date-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:aea42091-39e1-429e-bfc7-605a52f04b36Post:04721182-288d-4efe-aae4-025635c48270">Re: Family hates the location and date of wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]And I agree with LauraT. They'd be taking a day or two off if it was a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. Why does Monday matter?
    Posted by nutmeg36[/QUOTE]

    I was making the point that for Sunday weddings, most guests will probably have to take a day off, but a Monday wedding is definitely more inconvenient, requiring probably two days off.  And for most Saturday weddings, people don't need to take time off unless they have to fly.  Just to clarify - Monday DOES matter.

    And I don't understand why the MOH came back, but the OP didn't?
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I did a three hour drive to a wedding and drove back the same day this past summer, it wasn't horrible. I'm sure changing the date to a weekend would significantly increase the price and if you are funding it yourselves, that probably isn't an option. Although if it were me, I'd see what kind of deals you could get for a Sunday wedding if it was possible. Maybe one with a reception that ended early like PP's have been saying?
  • Allow me to respond to some suggestions:

    With the wedding on a Monday, it is planned for noon, giving people time to drive back that afternoon with the reception ending around 3, so only 1 day off work will be needed unless they would like to take more. 

    As far as getting married during the summer/ after graduation, one of my personal reasons for wanting to get married before is that I want my married name to be called during graduation.

    I realize it may be an inconvenience to some, but if my FI and I got to choose, we would elope and that would really tick people off.  

    My MOH was correct about the wedding being funded by the wedding couple so we wanted to keep things on the cheaper side and unfortunately, a weekday wedding is one of the best ways.  

  • Well, OP, you are missing the entire point of a wedding which is the celebration of the joining of two families. By choosing a day that is inconvenient to everyone, you are alienating people who want to celebrate with you. Truthfully, you seem like you are being selfish for "your special day" which makes you seem like you are too young to get married. And your reason for getting married in spring so you can have your married name announced at graduation is a poor one to justify making everyone else bend over backwards to see you get married.
    Anniversary image
  • The point of a wedding is not the joining of two familes.. but the joining to two people to begin a new life for themselves seperate from what they knew before... But thats not really the point,

    We ALL have our own reasons for why we choose the dates we do. Just becuase other posters do not agree doesnt make them right or make you selfish or inconsiderate. Neither does it make your reasons, or  for that matter any one else's unimportant.

    For the other posters, if her father had passed away and his birthday landed on that monday i doubt the negativity would exist....Anyway...As regards you wanting to have your married name annouced , is there some way you can make that request when you graduate?  I havent graduated yet but i am sure there is some board that handles graduation request and such at your school that can assist you.

    If Monday is the day you can have it then thats what you have to do. It may go a long way  ( as far as the families feelings are concerned) to send a note or thank you card afer the wedding not only to those that attended but thank those that couldnt attend for whatever reason for their well wishes and express you desire to see them after the wedding ....

    In every wedding there are hurt feelings that cant be avoided but you may want to consider what you would do if you were a guest invited to a monday afternoon wedding as a working adult.

    I hope everything works out and you enjoy this first step in marriage
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_family-hates-location-date-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:aea42091-39e1-429e-bfc7-605a52f04b36Post:377cc765-e07e-4f63-9841-db9e09ced37f">Re: Family hates the location and date of wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Allow me to respond to some suggestions: With the wedding on a Monday, it is planned for noon, giving people time to drive back that afternoon with the reception ending around 3, so only 1 day off work will be needed unless they would like to take more.  As far as getting married during the summer/ after graduation, one of my personal reasons for wanting <strong>to get married before is that I want my married name to be called during graduation. I realize it may be an inconvenience to some, but if my FI and I got to choose, we would elope and that would really tick people off.</strong>   My MOH was correct about the wedding being funded by the wedding couple so we wanted to keep things on the cheaper side and unfortunately, a weekday wedding is one of the best ways.  
    Posted by kmccaslin[/QUOTE]

    You've already ticked people off by choosing this: you've ticked off your FAMILY, your own parents. Whose opinions would likely matter second only to yours and your FI's.

    So, in this case, if you're okay with ticking people off (especially parents) I'd just elope. Cheaper and less to worry about. The only concern people ever really have with eloping is insulting people - which you aren't afraid to do.
  • lashanda1lashanda1 member
    First Comment
    edited September 2010

    ''You've already ticked people off by choosing this: you've ticked off your FAMILY, your own parents. Whose opinions would likely matter second only to yours and your FI's.

    So, in this case, if you're okay with ticking people off (especially parents) I'd just elope. Cheaper and less to worry about. The only concern people ever really have with eloping is insulting people - which you aren't afraid to do
    .''

    Why are you taking her situation so personally?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • heyimbren,

    I really do feel like your attacking me. I posted here for some help and you seem to be telling me that I am inconsiderate and don't care about my families feelings, when you don't really know me; you just read a post on a message board. Lashanda1 gave me a very helpful suggestion and thats all I needed.


    thanks everyone who took the time to respond, things are worked out. 
  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited September 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_family-hates-location-date-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:aea42091-39e1-429e-bfc7-605a52f04b36Post:d2d085fd-c8b7-4bd7-bc4b-b4bba161765c">Re: Family hates the location and date of wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]heyimbren, I really do feel like your attacking me. I posted here for some help and you seem to be telling me that I am inconsiderate and don't care about my families feelings, when you don't really know me; you just read a post on a message board. Lashanda1 gave me a very helpful suggestion and thats all I needed. thanks everyone who took the time to respond, things are worked out. 
    Posted by kmccaslin[/QUOTE]

    I can only respond to you based off of what you post. 

    [QUOTE] <div>Does anyone have ideas on how to make the family happy without altering my special day?</div>Posted by kmccaslin[/QUOTE]

    Based off that post, all I had to understand your situation was that your family didn't like the date you chose and were upset, and you wanted to make them feel better without changing the date. My answer was basically, you may not be able to do that.

    I'm sorry if that's what you read into my posts, Ibut don't put words in my mouth. I wasn't the one who said you were inconsiderate, nor was I the poster who said you seemed selfish for doing this. I was giving you the perspective of your family. I understand that you were in a hard situation, and sometimes that calls for making a hard decision.

    I'm really glad you were able to work things out- in the end, that's what truly counts. Good luck with wedding planning!
  • edited September 2010
    Yeah, I was the one who said you were being selfish (which I still maintain that by keeping your wedding on a Monday because its convenient for you is selfish) and perhaps you aren't ready to get married. Heyimbren did not say any of those things and she really was not attacking you. She gave you honest advice.

    Also, the phrase in your OP about "not altering your special day" makes me feel that you are missing the point of having a wedding- for your loved ones to come and witness as you embark into a life together.
    Anniversary image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards