Two brand new grads...how long to wait until getting married?

kdaniels29

My FI and I will both be graduating in May of 2013. I'm graduating with my BSN and he with a degree in Construction Management. We live in Michigan where its really hard to find a job, but we are not opposed to moving. He did an internship with a company last summer, that he will probably go back to this summer. I'm really hoping they will offer him a job for post-grad. Even though healthcare is supposed to have all these jobs, I'm hearing of many new grads who aren't finding jobs right away as new nurses.
 
Right now our wedding is set for september 28th, 2013, which would give us a solid 5 months to get jobs and save money. I'm not starting to question if this is really enough time. My dad brought up that health insurance wont kick in until 90 days after you start a job, which means we really need to have jobs within 2 months of graduating unless we want to pay an arm and a leg for insurance.

I was thinking about maybe pushing it back to november, but honestly that makes me cringe for multipule reasons. One, it moves the wedding date even farther aways than it already is, which just sounds horrible. Our parents do not approve of us living together before the wedding, so its not like we can just share an apartment until then. Its already a lifetime aways =/. Second of all, this is Michigan, and November sometimes means snow, if not freezing temperatures. I can probably kiss any outdoor pictures goodbye.And lastly, is 2 months really going to make a difference in our financial stability? Ahh, too many options!!!!

somethingsilver

I've thought about this too. Sept. 28 is my boyfriend and my anniversary so playing with dates, if we wanted to keep the anniversary, we'd have the same gap you're dealing with.

One way to deal with it would be to go through the paperwork and have a small court ceremony sometime after your graduation and wait on the big party. Then, technically you will be married and live together, and also have a chance to have a big wedding eventually. 

This is with guessing that the financial issues is the cost of the wedding. 

KiloBravo7

I know this probably isn't the answer you're looking for, but still hear me out.  I think you should at least consider pushing the wedding back until you and your FI have jobs (and not just part-time jobs, I'm talking something you can make a living off of and support yourselves).  I cannot stress how important it is to be financially stable before you get married.  You said that the thought of pushing the wedding back makes you cringe, and I can understand why... but imagine how much you'll cringe when you're married and you and your future H can't seem to find jobs and can't make ends meet.  On the other hand, here's something else to consider... you CAN stay on your parent's insurance up until age 26, even if you are married, so you might want to look into that.  It's called the Affordable Care Act.

calliopeia2013

I actually really agree with KiloBravo; I would never recommend marriage to any couple that isn't financially secure on their own.  Especially when you're both just getting out of school and you don't know where you're going to find jobs.  (I say this just having graduated from law school in an awful job market- my FI and I are lucky enough to have permanent jobs in the same city, but we're watching a lot of married/engaged/in a serious relationship friends really struggling because the only jobs they've found are a plane ride apart and they only see each other on weekends and it's expensive and a huge strain on the relationship.)  I wouldn't set a final date until you both you where you're going to be working.

Now, for you this is maybe complicated by the not-living-together thing (I understand why you wouldn't want to wait), though if it's only your parents' objection and not your own ethical objection, you are grown-ups now, and you don't have to do everything your parents tell you to. 

And yes, if your parents have health insurance, you can stay on it until age 26.  And how long it takes for health insurance to kick in after you start a job just depends on the job- my FI's, for instance, kicked in immediately.  So I definitely wouldn't use that as the basis for making any of your decisions.

Beads921

I'll be finishing class in July '12, graduating officially in October '12. We won't be getting married until May '13 at the earliest (nothing's booked yet). Not only do I want time to find a job, I also want to be settled into that job and at the point where I can take some vacation time for the wedding/our honeymoon. 

It feels like a long way away too, and we contemplated September '12, but it would just be too rushed. I do not want to be planning a wedding and looking for a job at the same time. Nor do I want to be asking a brand new employer for time off. 

The difference here is that FI and I already own a house together, and he's been working full time for 5 years and I work ridiculous part-time hours. Financially, we're on track. What if you or your FI don't find a job for a year? Will you be able to afford to live on your own (well, together, but I mean not with your parents)? You shouldn't be contemplating marriage if the answer to that question is no. 

freebread03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_two-brand-new-gradshow-long-wait-until-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:b00e21fe-6aa8-437d-bdde-17d8744af9cfPost:26503a2e-91ef-46db-97d2-b1ed92c3b89d">Re: Two brand new grads...how long to wait until getting married?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've thought about this too. Sept. 28 is my boyfriend and my anniversary so playing with dates, if we wanted to keep the anniversary, we'd have the same gap you're dealing with. <strong>One way to deal with it would be to go through the paperwork and have a small court ceremony sometime after your graduation and wait on the big party. Then, technically you will be married and live together, and also have a chance to have a big wedding eventually.  </strong>This is with guessing that the financial issues is the cost of the wedding. 
Posted by somethingsilver[/QUOTE]

<div>This is really bad advice.  Getting married isn't just "paperwork" and that courtroom ceremony?  Yeah-that's your wedding.  To imply that getting married at the courthouse or JOP isn't actually a wedding is both rude and disrepectful to all the women who have gone that route, and those of us who are not planning what apparently you consider is an actual wedding (which you've indicated by both calling it "paperwork" and telling the OP she could just have the "big wedding eventually").</div><div>
</div><div>OP, like one of the previous posters mentioned, when health insurance kicks in is all dependent on the place of employment.  My health insurance was valid day one of employment.  And yes, you can stay on your parents' health insurance until 26.</div><div>
</div><div>Finances is one of the biggest reasons that couples argue and fight--I'd echo other posters in that it's so important that you're able to start your marriage off on stable financial footing, so postponing the wedding (or scaling back your plans) would likely be a better option for you.</div>

kolache3

i am getting married kind of on the same timeline--in September of 2012 after my graduation in May, but I am in a different financial boat. My FI is 25, has been working for a few years and can support us until I find a job. I personally can't imagine waiting any longer than what I am.

erynswain

I can completely understand where you are coming from. Both my fiance and I are graduating in May 2013 but we are planning to have the wedding in June 2013. Now before you go thinking I am crazy, just hear me out.

I agree with everyone that you need to be financially stable before getting married. I, however, have been paying for about 90% of my own bills since I was 16 and still living at home. Now that I am in college, I am paying all my own bills and living on my own. I have a stable internship that will carry over into a job once I graduate, so I know I can support myself.

My fiance, however, is going to PT school after we graduate. This means it will just be me supporting the two of us for a while. Just understand that marriage isn't easy and finances will usually be tight no matter what age you are getting married at if you have to combine expenses with someone else.

I am going to be optimistic and say if you have strong drive, you can find a job for right after you graduate. I am sure this advice is not very helpful, but I just want you to understand that there are ways where you don't have to move around your date.

I would say to just plan the best you can. Since you still have about a year and a half, look into ways to make yourself as financially stable as you can while you are supporting only yourself. Have him do the same if he can. Likewise, since you have so much time, you can make it a DIY wedding. My fiance and I are doing that and will easily keep it under 5K. That should help the expenses a little.

Hope this helps!

[Deleted User]

I wouldn't be worried about having the health insurance, I'd be worried about being able to take time off so soon after starting a new job.  A lot of jobs have a 90 day period before you can even start taking time off (or give you 1 "personal day" like my teaching job).  And in this job market, the fact that you have to take time off for a wedding/honeymoon may even give the job to another candidate.