Balancing wedding planning, an apartment, and med school...

jbrobst

So, let me just say one thing before I begin - yes, my fiance and I are young, we are both only 18, but when you know, you know, right? I've alway been a pretty traditional type of person, and my parents got married when my mom was only 20, so getting married young is just what I was kinda raised knowing. It's just normal to me. Besides, my fiance and I were planning on a pretty long engagement.

So we were planning on having our wedding approximately three to four (leaning towards four) years from now. I'll be either a junior or senior in my undergrad studies, and he'll be a sophomore or junior. However, we were planning on getting an apartment together around this time, so there are extra expenses there. On top of that, when I graduate, I'll be going into medical school, which is notorious for it's high prices. While I'm in med school, I won't be able to work a lot because I'll be doing a lot of studying, in and out of the classroom. So for my four years of medical school I'll be making a very little amount of money. I'm worried that this will be (and is) putting a lot of stress on my fiance because he knows I have this dream wedding in mind and I hate to admit that I have rather expensive tastes.

So I was thinking today and I came up with a possible (though it's not ideal) solution that will help us save money, and I want to know what you all think?

My finace and I could get married and get our apartment, without the big fancy wedding ceremony, and maybe take a small, inexpensive vacation for our honeymoon. Then, for the years I'm in medical school, all we'd have to worry about is paying for the apartment. Once I'm in a residency program after med school and I start making more money, I can start paying off my boatloads of student loans and setting aside some money for a nice wedding.

My biggest concern is that we'll keep pushing off a formal ceremony and it will never happen. And what if a child comes into the picture without planning?

Do you guys think that doing that would be the best thing to do, since we won't have a lot of opportunities to save money?

jbrobst

I don't mean actually two weddings, I just mean basically two ceremonies - one is where we become legally married, but then there is the more formal wedding party. I already know that it isn't going to be a huge, fancy "dream" wedding, but I really don't like the idea of not having a nice ceremony at all. I should correct my terminology by saying that it has always been a dream of mine to have a nice wedding ceremony, but not necessarily a dream wedding with 1,000+ guests and the most expnsive decorations that one could possibly find.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_balancing-wedding-planning-apartment-med-school?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:e531d996-02fd-4f51-9acb-c73c882bd3b0Post:fa5b2fc3-4b32-4f0a-8fd7-037b3e68fec7">Re: Balancing wedding planning, an apartment, and med school...</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't mean actually two weddings, I just mean basically two ceremonies - one is where we become legally married, but then there is the more formal wedding party. I already know that it isn't going to be a huge, fancy "dream" wedding, but I really don't like the idea of not having a nice ceremony at all. I should correct my terminology by saying that it has always been a dream of mine to have a nice wedding ceremony, but not necessarily a dream wedding with 1,000+ guests and the most expnsive decorations that one could possibly find.
Posted by jbrobst[/QUOTE]

You can totally have a nice ceremony on a budget, plenty of people do it. When you get closer to the actual wedding check out the budget weddings board or the DIY board and you can google a lot of great ways to save money on a wedding.

But seriously don't worry about it too much right now. You have no idea what you will want in four years, especially when those four years will involve you going to school and really learning more about who you are as an independant adult. You and your FI will change a lot in these next four years and even one year from now your ideas about what you want and what is most important could change.

BunnyChii

I switched my major/career plans 3 times in my first year of college. Truth. Also, I noticed that about 50% of my graduating class went to school to become nurses and most either quit and picked a different major, or became RNs and decided they didn't like it. Not saying this will be the case for you necessarily, but things change. Change isn't always a bad thing!

KiloBravo7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_balancing-wedding-planning-apartment-med-school?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:e531d996-02fd-4f51-9acb-c73c882bd3b0Post:0b05dcef-babd-45dc-b349-46c1fc8538f2">Balancing wedding planning, an apartment, and med school...</a>:
[QUOTE]So, let me just say one thing before I begin - yes, my fiance and I are young, we are both only 18, but when you know, you know, right? I've alway been a pretty traditional type of person, and my parents got married when my mom was only 20, so getting married young is just what I was kinda raised knowing. It's just normal to me. Besides, my fiance and I were planning on a pretty long engagement. So we were planning on having our wedding approximately three to four (leaning towards four) years from now. I'll be either a junior or senior in my undergrad studies, and he'll be a sophomore or junior. However, we were planning on getting an apartment together around this time, so there are extra expenses there. <strong>On top of that, when I graduate, I'll be going into medical school, which is notorious for it's high prices. While I'm in med school, I won't be able to work a lot because I'll be doing a lot of studying, in and out of the classroom. So for my four years of medical school I'll be making a very little amount of money. I'm worried that this will be (and is) putting a lot of stress on my fiance</strong> because he knows I have this dream wedding in mind and I hate to admit that I have rather expensive tastes. So I was thinking today and I came up with a possible (though it's not ideal) solution that will help us save money, and I want to know what you all think? My finace and I could get married and get our apartment, without the big fancy wedding ceremony, and maybe take a small, inexpensive vacation for our honeymoon. <strong>Then, for the years I'm in medical school, all we'd have to worry about is paying for the apartment.</strong> Once I'm in a residency program after med school and I start making more money, I can start paying off my boatloads of student loans and <strong>setting aside some money for a nice wedding</strong>. My biggest concern is that we'll keep pushing off a formal ceremony and it will never happen. <strong>And what if a child comes into the picture without planning?</strong> Do you guys think that doing that would be the best thing to do, since we won't have a lot of opportunities to save money?
Posted by jbrobst[/QUOTE]


Bold part #1 - I'm assuming you have already discussed your impending financial situation with your FI?  Discussing finances is an important thing to do before you get married, even before you get engaged.   Is he ok with the idea of being a college student while having to work enough to pay ALL the bills?  Is he ok with the fact that you'll be drowning in debt once you finish med school?  If he is apprehensive about this, your decision to force that responsibility on him while you are off in med school is very, very unfair.

Bold part #2 - Only paying rent?  Oh, if only!  What about car payments?  Car insurance?  Groceries?  Phone bills?  Supplies for med school?  Health insurance?  Putting money into savings?  Many apartment managements won't let you rent an apartment if the rent is greater than 40% of your income.  You'll need to be making more than to just pay for rent.

Bold part #3 - Asking family and friends to come celebrate your marriage by having basically a second reception years after you've already been married is not in good taste.  You can still have a nice wedding on a tight budget, though.  Check out the Budget Weddings board for tips.  I also have expensive tastes, but that is no reason to be extravagant.

Bold part #4 - PLEASE do not have children until you are able to provide for them.  Yes, unplanned pregnancies happen, but if you are not in a financial state to raise a child (and it doesn't sound like you would be anytime soon), I really hope you'd consider adoption.  Look into what birth control methods would work best for you.

Good luck to both of you.

freebread03

BTW, residents don't make much.  And a lot of people don't go straight into med school.  Like PPs said, you're thinking WAY too far ahead.  Your interests could totally change by now (I see a lot of people start as pre-med and then do international studies), you might do a post-bach for more experience before med school, who knows.  

kmadki4

As a current medical student, I think its very smart that you're thinking about your future and the vast amount of student loans you'll have in medical school.  I've been with my SO since we were 16, and I was most definately thinking about the logistics of marriage and medical school at your age.  Let me just say that (at least at my school) you are not allowed to have a job.  Period.  School is the most important priority.  So you're going to have to be prepared for the debt and loans that come with medical school.  That being said, I think you're going to have to sacrifice something.  Either get married young and forgo the wedding of your dreams, or wait until you are slightly older and your SO has been working for a few years, in order to be more financially stable.  You are going to have to make MANY sacrifices in your life for your career, this is just the beginning for you, my dear.

annmarie714

1) 75% of the people I went to school with that majored in some sort of "pre-med" program, never actually got good enough grades to go to med school.

2) FI started med school 2 years after he recieved his bachelor's degree, not immediately after.  He would have loved to go straight in, but med school is SUPER competitive.

3) Med school is expensive, and I don't just mean tuition, housing, and food.  You have to dress up every day, you are not allowed to have a job, you must buy supplies for the hospital, maintain a reliable vehicle (you can NOT be late, anywhere).

4) You're 18.  And not doubting you're in love, but seriously consider if you want to explore other options.  Will you rush into marriage so you can start school and feel "comfortable", then regret it down the road because you never got to date around?  If I married the guy I was with at 18, I'd be divorced already, at the ripe age of 23 (shoot, I wouldn't have been able to stand him that long!).

5) Residents barely make enough money to pay bills, let alone support an entire household, pay back loans, and possibly support a child.  Not to mention the time committment.