Surprise wedding?

Mayfaith

I'm going to be 59 when I get married at the end of the year.  I'm marrying my high school boyfriend after being reunited 4 years ago.  This will be my first marriage (and last hopefully).  We want to have a big fancy engagement party and surprise our guests by getting married.  The only people who know are my sister and brother.  They think that if we have a surprise wedding we will be getting much less in gifts (money) than if we just say it's a wedding.  They think that for all the years I've been a bridesmaid, maid of honor, etc that the gifts I receive will be far less than what I would get if it's a wedding.  I'm torn.  What should we do?

NYCMercedes

Take the gifts out of the equation, as engagement parties are not usually gift giving events. Anyway, your purpose should not be gifts. I would want to know I am invited to a wedding. I might not make an extraordinary effort to attend an engagement party, while I would make every possible effort to get to a wedding. I might miss an engagement party if I had any conflict because I'd know I was going to see the bride and groom and our mutual friends in a few months at the wedding. It'd take hurricane sandy for me to miss a wedding. Weddings are just special. Engagement parties are, not so much. Please rethink this.

Kristin789

Ditto NYC.  People skip engagement parties, and no one brings gifts to engagement parties.  You want to have a real wedding, with real invitations, with guests who have the opportunity to rearrange their stuff to be able to be there for you as you were there for them.

dalm0m

Friends had a surprise wedding.  I recently went to an engagement party where everyone thought the B&G were going to surprise us by making it their wedding. 

It's your day.  Do what you want.  But do tell your nearest & dearest.  In the one I went to they didn't tell her mom b/c the mom can't keep a secret.  The whole process was delayed by an hour because as soon as the couple announced that this was their wedding, the mom stormed out & it took an hour to find her & get her to agree to come back.  She was pi$$ed for YEARS. 

QueerFemme

I generally think unless you are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, there is no reason to have a surprise wedding.

People show up late to e-parties, or they don't come at all.  Regardless of the gift issue, people may be pretty pissed that they missed your wedding because you lied about the type of event you were actually hosting.