Arizona-Phoenix

To Invite or not, that is the question... (vent/long..sorry)

When Jer and I first got engaged the first person i called was my best friend, she has always been so so supportive of me and my relationship and actually helped me move from Minnesota to Arizona so i feel like I am forever in debt to her. She is an amazing friend.
We were originally planning on an April 2013 wedding, once we got in to planning we simply decided that we didn't want to wait that long, it was actually Jeremy's idea to move the wedding up. So again, who is the first person I call to tell the good news? My bff. She was less than ecstatic for me. She literally told me she had way too much going on this summer and didn't know if she was going to be able to attend. Which before everyone freaks out I completely understand that the world doesn't revolve around my wedding so yes, I was upset, but i can get over it because i need to skip a friends wedding this summer because I can't do everything. But I am also not IN that wedding.
After fueding with her for quite some time I asked her, well, when would you like me to have my wedding because I want you to be able to come, it is really important to me. She didn't answer. 
Two days went by and she called and said I just want you to be happy and not stressed, do what makes you happy and don't do what everyone else wants you to do. WELL everyone was happy, super happy that we moved up the wedding, she was the ONLY Debbie Downer so I told her that (probably shouldn't have, but i was really upset).
We decided on August 31st for the wedding and then in the rush of not being able to find a venue and everything else kind of coming down on me I confided in my best friend saying "maybe the date change wasn't a good idea" she agreed with me and said, "it just kind of sucks that I won't be able to be in the wedding and I won't be able to continue to plan your bachelorette party and I won't be able to be there for you like it was originally planned" Literally all I wanted from her was support. I wanted to hear that everything was going to pan itself out but i didn't get that, which is fine, I moved on with my life and it has been liek 2 months and we haven't talked AT ALL.
A few weeks after that she e-mailed me and said that she was going to be here for me but as far as planning of any kind was concerned she was no longer interested in helping me and said she would rather do homework than help me.
So I went to get my dress fitted the other day and my bridesmaid came with me to do the whole bm dress pick out and I texted the bff and said "M is buying her dress and shoes this is the style number and color just so you know" and she texted me back and said "I do not want to buy a dress, with how unstable this whole wedding planning process has been I am not buying a dress when you might change your mind again in a month" 
I am literally speechless, I would NEVER say that to ANYONE. EVER. I as a bride feel like I am entitled to change my mind about what I want the feel of my wedding to be because I plan on only doing this once and it is hard, wedding planning is a LOT harder than I had originally planned. My question is with the fact that we haven't even talked should I even invite her? She has completely disconnected herself from our friendship I am just at a loss for what to do.
Just know that her and I are no where near as close as we once were, we used to talk every single day, like it would be weird if I didn't hear from her in over 24 hours and now I haven't talked to her in over a month.
Anniversary

Re: To Invite or not, that is the question... (vent/long..sorry)

  • I say invite her. She may or may not show up. It sounds like she probably won't but if you want to repair your friendship in the future, if might be the right move.
  • Go ahead and invite her, that way you won't have any regrets. 

    I understand why she felt let down when you first changed your date - she had been planning on coming at a certain time, and it costs money and takes a lot of preparation to travel that far.  So I do understand that she was hurt because she could not be there on the best day of your life.  But with that said, I feel like she blew things up with that last text.  I was surprised when I read that and I thought she said some things that definitely were not necessary.  I'm sorry you are going through this, I know it can't be easy.

    But to answer your question, yes I think you should invite her because down the road, if you are able to rekindle your friendship, at least you will know that you took the high road. 
  • Wow, what a mess. I know, from your other posts, that you have been having a hard enough time already with this wedding planning process. To have that added to the mix, I'm sure, does way more harm than good! I agree with PP's that you should still invite her. Then, the ball is in her court with whether or not she wants to act like an adult; however, with her actions this far, I'm thinking that probably isn't going to happen.

    From my own experience, I had a bridesmaid drop out 2 weeks before the wedding (and after I had already printed programs) because she didn't order her dress in time. She must have asked me 5 times since we decided on the color of the dresses in August 2011 about whether or not I had changed my mind. I guess, as a positive, at least you know well in advance who will not be in your wedding.

    Good luck to you!
  • Does she live in Arizona or Minnesota? I can kinda see her point, but some of the things she said are uncalled for. I would say definitely invite her, otherwise she will feel like your friendship is over. Sucks this is happening to you, with the person you were counting on helping you
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