please help! Very sticky situation....

fallinstar185

I'm standing up in my best friend's wedding which is coming up very soon. I've known her for 17 years and she's been with her fiance for a little less than half that time. They've been engaged for a few years but have decided to plan the wedding in a few months, so everything has been rushed. He doesn't treat her well and we have all doubted that they would actually get married. She is thinking about calling it off after a comment he made saying that he doubts the marriage and his feelings for her but she has yet to do so. I've told her to end everything but she's been vague and doesnt answer the phone when I call to see how she is. I'm thinking she might actually go through with this. My question is how can I stand up in a wedding where I dont belive they should be together? IF she tells me that they are going through with the wedding, can I step down as bridesmaid? (There's only 2 other bridesmaids and the other one will not stand up. I also have my dress alreay and we gave gifts)

Love is Bald

wow, very sticky situation.  I'd say, ultimately, its your friends decision for her life whether or not she wants to marry this guy.  Sometimes its easier to vent about the negative things about a person than the glowing wonderfulness of someone.  Somewhere deep down inside, your friend loves her fiance.  If she chooses to move forward in marrying him, support her.  That's what she would want.  It would be hurtful to her if her best friend would not be with her on possibly the most important day of her life.  You've said your piece, now she needs to make decisions for herself.  Hopefully it will be the right one.  Until then, i'd just go along with what she wants and call it a day.

MyWedding13

I would still support your friend no matter what she decides. Does she know that you all don't feel like she should go through with this?

ladybug7485

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_illinois-chicago_please-very-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:72Discussion:9105e53d-0fd1-4808-9ab1-d8afa119bf45Post:cc4454e3-0dc4-45c0-b37d-85811f69824d">Re: please help! Very sticky situation....</a>:
[QUOTE]wow, very sticky situation.  I'd say, ultimately, its your friends decision for her life whether or not she wants to marry this guy.  Sometimes its easier to vent about the negative things about a person than the glowing wonderfulness of someone.  Somewhere deep down inside, your friend loves her fiance.  If she chooses to move forward in marrying him, support her.  That's what she would want.  It would be hurtful to her if her best friend would not be with her on possibly the most important day of her life.  <strong>You've said your piece, now she needs to make decisions for herself. </strong> Hopefully it will be the right one.  Until then, i'd just go along with what she wants and call it a day.
Posted by Love is Bald[/QUOTE]

This.
Also, I'm not sure what it would accomplish by not standing up in the wedding. You never know when a friend will need you there for them. I would consider it more seriously if it was an abusive relationship or your friend was in danger for some reason but if that's not the case, I'm not sure that you can do much more then you have.

thealphabride

When a man says he has doubts, BELIEVE HIM.
direct her to this website asap:
www.theregoesthebride.com
You should check it out too and get advice there, great group of ladies there.
She shouldn't get married to someone who has doubts.