To first look... or not to first look?

Sparkle1985

So I have been back and forth about this for months but I think I finally made up my mind.. now I just gotta get FI on board.  I would like to do a first look.  Here is the list of why..
-we are not traditional
-ceremony and reception are at the same place
-ceremony is at 6 pm in late August
-we have large families and a guest list of 260
-we would like to join coctail hour
-we would like to have a moment to ourselves
-I would like to enjoy our reception without being pulled away for too many pics
-we would like the day to be longer than from 6-midnight
-I am EXTREMELY emotional and don't want to be balling down the aisle
-my mother is EXTREMELY emotional and she is walking me down the aisle (I would like to try and calm her rather than add to it)

And truthfully, I dont want to wait till 6 to see my future husband! haha I know I see him everyday but I have many emotional people that will be with me that day and its going to be very exciting and draining at the same time.  I would like that time alone with my fiance to really take in what is happening.  (And to see our money well spent!)  I have already made up my mind about this.. but I am looking for thoughts and opinions.  SO have at it ladies! TIA

MINDMNMO

You've made the decision that is right for you so never mind what everyone else thinks.  You have very vaild reasons and you should be able to do what you want.

If it matters, we did a first look and I didn't regret it.

MrsPaps

I'm for it and my mom is against it. that is my struggle but I know if I see FI earlier in the day, I won't be a crying mess walking down the aisle.
Sounds like you made your decision, do the first look!

Love is Bald

I'm in the same boat as you about the "first look" opinion... and I can't get FI on board either.  We chose the 4pm time slot instead of the 6, so we will have a little more time but still not enough IMO.  As it stands, we will miss the entire cocktail hour to take photos and even just an hour i'm not convinced thats enough time to take photos.  Do you plan on taking photos anywhere else besides on the Estate?  I haven't decided what we are doing about that either!

Miracle520

It sounds you have an excellent list of reasons! I'm all about first looks. I think it can be even more romantic than waiting for the walk down the aisle. We are doing first looks but we will also see each other before the main ceremony anyway to have our ketubah ceremony so it wasn't ever an issue for us.

MrsMLRB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_illinois-chicago_first-look-not-first-look-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:72Discussion:a3455d14-72dc-493f-abda-4546aefc5d76Post:e3e10528-a1a3-422f-8347-55864208f67a">Re: To first look... or not to first look?</a>:
[QUOTE]It sounds you have an excellent list of reasons! I'm all about first looks. I think it can be even more romantic than waiting for the walk down the aisle. We are doing first looks but we will also see each other before the main ceremony anyway to have our ketubah ceremony so it wasn't ever an issue for us.
Posted by Miracle520[/QUOTE]

We are doing a first look for all the reasons you listed plus this. Have you googled first look pictures? The couples always looked so relaxed and happy and excited. I think its nice that you guys get to spend some time just the two of you together that day.

KATERS882

We are not doing the first look.  I mentioned it to my FI and he said that he wanted to first look at me walking down the aisle toward him.  I left it up to him because it really didn't matter to me.  I was worried about how much time we will have for pictures but I also want to enjoy the day so if we don't get all the pictures I think I would be okay with it.  At least I'm saying that now.  Yes, we are missing most of the cocktail to take pictures (which bothers the FI more than me) but I didn't want to take that away from him when that was really the only thing he has really wanted.

kellym050370

FH and I are doing a first look and for many of the reasons that you listed.  Our ceremony and reception is in the same place, we want to be able to join our guests during the cocktail hour and we don't want to miss a single moment of the party.  I know I will cry walking down the aisle toward him whether I see him before or not.

I think you can't make your own choice based on what other people are doing - no one knows you better than yourself.  If it works for you, it will be fine!

MobKaz

If I could interject a few MOB comments/questions/curiosities.....

I thought my daughter and her FI would toy with this idea, but they are sticking to the traditional "first look walking up the aisle" route. And, it's funny, it is also more at the FI's insistence/preference.

As the MOB, I am not sure whether it would matter to me which scenario they chose.  MrsPaps....out of curiosity, will your mom's preference influence your decision much?  I would be curious to know why that would make a difference for you and your fiance (with all due respect).

Finally, the only rationale I might refute is the "bawling" factor.  I was one of very few people who knew that my nephew and his bride had actually been married privately  about a week prior to their wedding ceremony/reception.  The bride still cried, I still cried....the day is still filled with emotion, excitement, and stress.

As much as I envy the bride of today having so many choices and options that my generation did not....it certainly was a lot easier in some respects not having to struggle with so many choices!

thealphabride

We did a first look and I don't regret it. Although it was my second wedding the first was in the courthouse many years ago.

We ran around the venue and got lots of pics before the ceremony and a few after the ceremony. Then we joined the cocktail hour.

The first look didn't take away from the special moment of me walking down the isle. The whole day is super special!!!

We chose the first look because we wanted the pics before the ceremony, all of our families were there and we got all the family pics too!

My best GF called me in the morning while I was at the salon and got me crying with her sweet words, and so I didn't cry walking down the isle ( a little but pulled it together quick) or during the ceremony. I basically got it all out in the morning. I also cried the night before while deliveriing the prayer for the rehersal dinner. So I got a lot of it out then too!!!

MrsPaps

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_illinois-chicago_first-look-not-first-look-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:72Discussion:a3455d14-72dc-493f-abda-4546aefc5d76Post:21fd6796-db8d-4998-bc73-80660888db80">Re: To first look... or not to first look?</a>:
[QUOTE]If I could interject a few MOB comments/questions/curiosities..... I thought my daughter and her FI would toy with this idea, but they are sticking to the traditional "first look walking up the aisle" route. And, it's funny, it is also more at the FI's insistence/preference. As the MOB, I am not sure whether it would matter to me which scenario they chose.  MrsPaps.... out of curiosity, will your mom's preference influence your decision much?  I would be curious to know why that would make a difference for you and your fiance (with all due respect). Finally, the only rationale I might refute is the "bawling" factor.  I was one of very few people who knew that my nephew and his bride had actually been married privately  about a week prior to their wedding ceremony/reception.  The bride still cried, I still cried....the day is still filled with emotion, excitement, and stress. As much as I envy the bride of today having so many choices and options that my generation did not....it certainly was a lot easier in some respects not having to struggle with so many choices!
Posted by mobkaz[/QUOTE]
I did take it into consideration that my mom did not want us to see each other before the walk down the aisle, she is much more traditional minded than I am.  I know how emtional I get and I wanted to be happy walking down the aisle and knowing I would be seeing FI before hand would help calm my nerves.
The other big part of my decision was my photographer can use a picture from our first look as our guest book at the reception. She has a vendor who can take one of her images and turn it into a canvas print and not fully finish coating it so people can sign it at the reception. She would take it back after the reception to have it finished.

Sparkle1985

thank you so much ladies for your input.. It always helps to get opinions.  I shared some of these responses with my FI as well and I think he is leaning towards the first look option now as well

LIB- I was at the mansion today and they said there are a few parks within 10 minutes that are great to take pictures at (she mentioned Delwood park as the best to take pictures at).  If weather is an issue.. she said to go to union station in joliet.. It's a great place for first look pictures and I think she is right! If we do the first look... we will take those at either of these two places!

hz80408

We did a first look and also have no regrets whatsoever.

Similar to you, our ceremony and reception were at the same location, so we initally considered doing a FL just b/c time-wise it was so much more practical.

We were able to take all of our group pics, and most individual before the ceremony and then after we took a few more with just the 2 of us since we were officially married.

Not only does the FL help ease the nervous (for everyone, my MIL and BMs were so nervous/excited too), but also it gives you and your FI an opportunity to talk to each other, compliment each other, being ready for the vows, etc.

One of my friends who married a year before us said her biggest regret of her wedding day was not seeing each other before.  While it was exciting to see him for the first time walking down the aisle, she said she hated that when she got to him at the altar she said so many things in her mind that she wanted to say to her FI, but just didn't have the opportunity to.