No Host Destination Wedding???

stephandcase12

Hi all,

My girlfriend recently got married in HI and she said she didn't pay for anything except the wedding itself. Every guest paid for their own airfare, hotel room, and if the wanted to join in any activities, including the dinner after the wedding, they paid for themselves. She was able to stay under a budget of $5000 doing this! She then spent most of the money on a reception at home for everyone that couldn't afford HI. We were thinking of planning a few small excursions (kayaking, luau) that guests pay for themselves, but we would host a small champagne app get together in our hotel suite that WE pay for before a casual dinner. We're also hosting a reception back at home a couple weeks later.

Help, thanks!  

Tanq&Tonic

I definitely agree that you don't need to pay for air, hotel, or most activities for your guests.  However, I feel strongly that if you are asking them to fly all the way to Hawaii, the very least you should treat them to is dinner -- even if it's a simple one.

I'm curious - why invite guests to a destination wedding at all?  You can get married in a private ceremony with just the two of you, and save everyone's money for a reception at home.

Wendells

Ditto PP.  We didn't pay for airfare, hotel, etc for our guests but had a dinner after the wedding with hosted bar.  (also a welcome reception and day after breakfast...a nice gesture but definitely not necessary or within all budgets)

carrieoz_76

I strongly agree with PP.  I actually think it's really rude to expect one's guests to travel all the way to HI to watch you get married, then not pay for a meal for them - which can be simple and affordable, if done right.  A BBQ or catered local Hawaiian food would be affordable and a better alternative to not feeding guests a meal.  On this issue, think about it the same as if you were inviting guests to a local wedding - If you can't afford to feed them, you shouldn't invite them.

A.a.A.

I agree that you should at least pay for one meal.

Our wedding was only considered "destination" for my side of the family. We had 130 guests at our wedding and about 40 came from out of town. My FIL suggested we get leis for all of them for the reception, which I did. We also made our RD more like a "welcome dinner", and since the date of our rehearsal was set so late, we just did a beach picnic. All our guests loved it and it was a great opportunity to spend time with them, for a very decent price. Plus it is Hawaii so everything can be laid back.

We did do other events after the wedding with just my extended family (dinner, beach day, ATV, etc) but everyone paid their own way and there was no problem with that. 

sld0618

I agree too that one meal should be paid for.  What I'm doing is having a morning ceremony and then doing a casual brunch paid for.  Since I'm spending a lot of money on the AHR, I just can't go full out in Hawaii and my family knows it.  No big deal.  Then we're doing a luau that night that is no host.  If people want to come, then they can book their ticket online with the link I provide them.  The bottom line is that people understand money issues and that it's a lot of money for DW's to do two receptions.  Keep the one in Hawaii simple, but I would pay for it.  Even you cut out going out to dinner once a week until the wedding...it will be worth it for your guests that are flying thousands of miles to support you for life.  We're planning different activities that will be a no host.  We're going to pay for the welcome dinner, but we're having a no host brunch the day after the wedding.  You have to do what's right for you

dianab0237

We have a very tight budget for our destination wedding too, so I can understand your need to save money wherever possible.  We gave ourselves and our guests 2 years to save up and we booked a lot of our vendors early to take advantage of some great deals.  I also agree with the other girls that you don't need to pay for flights, hotels and activities, but you should at least host the reception dinner and an activity if at all possible. It might rub off kinda rude if you are asking your family and friends to fly out 3000+ miles to have to pay for their own reception meal. I'm doing a full out ceremony, reception, a welcome breakfast, and another activity for about 30 guests for less than $7000.  It's all about being resourceful. Good luck with your planning!

kaesha

If I paid THOUSANDS of dollars in airfare, rental car and hotel, I'd be pissed if the bride and groom didn't even respect my time and money enough to buy me dinner. That's repulsive and hugely disrespectful.

I strongly believe that people need to be gracious hosts... and that the purpose of a reception isn't about the couple. The ceremony is about the couple, the reception is a way to thank all those amazing people in your lives for being there... even more so when they've elected to spend their hard earned money to get there.

If you don't want to pay for a dinner party, go elope and don't invite anyone. To do what she did is just selfish.

sharkbitemiller

My opinion is that having a complete no host destination wedding is really RUDE!

Just like everyone else, I'm also strapped for cash and on a tight budget. However my plans are to rent out (2) 4-bedroom villas. One villa will be for the wedding party (and us), which we are paying for ourselves. The other villa will be rented out to whomever wants to stay there (at their expense of course). I am flying in our own personal cook (my FI cousin), who will provide continental breakfast every day for our guests and our BBQ reception, which will be at the villa. I'm sure we'll also have a few other BBQ's to cut out the expense of going out to a resturant but I'm sure whoever is staying with us will chip in for some meals. We are going to buy all the food at Costco and our cook will go from there. As far as everything else (i.e. activities and "rehearsal" dinner) that will be "no host".

stephandcase12

Thanks ladies for your honest opinions. I wasn't necessarily saying that's what I'd do with no dinner (I feel the same about going to someone else's wedding, although I'm not picky and there for the bride & groom, not the free food. If that were the case, we'd be paying for breakfast and a welcome BBQ, which I guess I failed to mention in the first post. Fiance and I eventually decided that if ANYTHING we'd pay for dinner and other expenses would be no-host....since that seems more hospitable. Glad we could all agree Thanks again! 

kaesha

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_host-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:73Discussion:2b61c54c-3eed-4d30-8d68-347338a8b3c9Post:ffe37193-64d8-47ee-8674-5d0ccaa7407c">Re: No Host Destination Wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies for your honest opinions. I wasn't necessarily saying that's what I'd do with no dinner (I feel the same about going to someone else's wedding, although I'm not picky and there for the bride & groom, not the free food. If that were the case, we'd be paying for breakfast and a welcome BBQ, which I guess I failed to mention in the first post. Fiance and I eventually decided that if ANYTHING we'd pay for dinner and other expenses would be no-host....since that seems more hospitable. Glad we could all agree :) Thanks again! 
Posted by stephandcase12[/QUOTE]

That's totally fair. I don't know that any of us have paid for airfare/hotels/car rentals for all our guests!

I think the point isn't literally about the food either. You're requiring people to save and spend a lot of money to come out and support you. (And by you, I mean the plural, general you not you in specific - I wish English had that distinction) But, if you're not willing to put the same effort into your guests (who knows what they chose to sacrifice to be with you that day), it's tantamount to telling them they don't matter. That your pretty dress, or floral bouquet or guitar player are more important than creating memories for everyone (not just yourselves) of an amazing day in a great place with people who love you, KWIM?

m_eblin

I have a friend who married "well" and they actually paid for airfare, hotel stay at the Grand Wailea, all activities, dinners etc for 25 people.  This was before her and I got in contact again, I was totally floored.  BUT her husband can afford it.  For the rest of us though I think at least a meal or two.  I don't think anybody expects to have their airfare, car rental and hotel paid for, that's just insane. 
We did a bbq one night that we paid for, then our parents paid for the dinner on the wedding night but when we got back we took the two of them out to a nice dinner to say thank you. 
I think it's weird to not pay for the wedding dinner...that would leave a bad taste in my mouth for sure if I was a guest.