Guest List Troubles!

cantwait12

Suggestions?

My fiance and I decided to only invite close family and friends to our wedding (even though that still puts us at around 70 guests) so now I am wondering what
i can do to help make family that didn't get invited still feel like included and help them understand that it is mostly because of budget issues? I read somewhere that a bride invited everyone to the ceremony but the reception was invite only and I had an idea that maybe we could have a large but very casual "engagement" party either before or after the wedding. I wish I could invite everyone I would like to but that would be around 200 guests and we could never afford it. Suggestions!

PB-Bride2010

I had an open ceremony wedding, since I was got married at the church I grew up in back in AR. However, the reception was label as private by invitation only. That is also how I advertised in the local papers and when the invitation was read at the church. Many ladies that have a separation will have cake and punch for those to have after the ceremony so that people don't feel left out. I was original going to do that, but we ended up not having but a few guest that fell into the open ceremony category. As far as having an engagement party before for everyone might leave people to believe they will be receiving an invitation to the wedding. I would personally led in the direction of having something after the wedding. Maybe if you're having a Videographer you can share the video, wedding album and pictures with those that didn't get an invitation or couldn't make. You could still have finger food, but make sure you don't ask for gifts. That way they're truly believing you're sincere about sharing your big day with them. I'm sure etiquette rules say otherwise, but that's just my opinion. Good luck with your decision and Congratulations!

MissOwl

congratulations on your engagement! i have a few comments about some of the things you have read about. some of the etiquette there is shaky at best...

1. you should not have an engagement party after the wedding. this is backwards.

2. you can send wedding announcements (not the same as invitations) after your wedding announcing your marriage. this is a way to show family that were not invited that you care about them. perhaps you can include a few informal or professional pictures with them?

3. please do not host a tiered reception where you invite everyone to the ceremony and then only some to a reception. this makes guests feel like you don't care enough to properly host them.

4. if you can only properly host your close family and friends, you'll have to stick by that. there is absolutely nothing wrong with your current plans. i applaud you for acknowledging your budget restrictions now instead of inviting everyone and then not feeding them or something. stick to your guns and people will respect your decision.

5. if you want to have something informal with a larger group of friends and family, consider having a holiday open house and showing off your wedding photos/video several months after your wedding. however, you should not put anything in those invitations about it being wedding-related or that will look gift grabby.

again, congratulations and please stick around the columbus board!

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-columbus_guest-list-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:112Discussion:21456727-b7e4-46e4-b1c0-40474f5edfd8Post:09c2949e-81d4-4bfc-8e3b-71f2783c0782">Guest List Troubles!</a>:
[QUOTE]Suggestions? My fiance and I decided to only invite close family and friends to our wedding (even though that still puts us at around 70 guests) so now I am wondering what i can do to help make family that didn't get invited still feel like included and help them understand that it is mostly because of budget issues? I read somewhere that a bride invited everyone to the ceremony but the reception was invite only and I had an idea that maybe we could have a large but very casual "engagement" party either before or after the wedding. I wish I could invite everyone I would like to but that would be around 200 guests and we could never afford it. Suggestions!
Posted by cantwait12[/QUOTE]


I agree with pp. We got married in a church, so technically anyone could attend. If you are having a small ceremony, then those are the people that are invited to the reception, period. After all, the reception is the most expensive part of planning a wedding. 

What about hosting an at home brunch or lunch the next day? Could your Mom or immediate family prepare food and host for everyone? It would still be expensive, but not like having it at a venue.

BCsGal

Unfortunately, if you can only host 70 for the entire wedding festivities, then that is all you can do.  You cannot invite people to the ceremony and not the reception.  I know you have the best intentions, but I think half-including people will make the situation worse.  Many people know the realities of wedding planning, most will understand.  The guest list really is the biggest headache!
Also, as a note, women who are invited to the bridal shower are also to be invited to the wedding celebration.

cantwait12

Thanks everyone! I really don't like the idea of inviting everyone to the ceremony and then only some to the reception so I wanted to get other opinions on it. Your suggestions are really helpful!