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Question about Bridesmaids

So my MOH is not being the nicest person right now because she expects me to pay for her and all the bridesmaids hair. She said since thats what i want I need to pay for it because she is already paying for her dress. She also said thats how its suppose to be that the bride and groom pay for all that. I was just wondering if anyone else is paying for their bridesmaids stuff such as dress, shoes, earrings, and hair.

Re: Question about Bridesmaids

  • csh96csh96
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I am not paying for all the extras.  I suggested a color of shoe that they could use again and just told them to pick out what they like.  For hair, I am bringing a girl on site and paying her traveling fee but not each girl's style.  I am not forcing them to get their hair done but they all want to so they'll pay for it.
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  • edited December 2011
    First, a bride is not expected to pay for anything!

    I bought my girls their jewelry, however, it is ONLY because I had a gift certificate to David's Bridal, and didn't have anything else to use it on (and it had to be used before I made a final decision on my dress).

    I would simply explain to her that you are unable to afford to pay for everyone's hair, nails, jewelry, shoes, etc. and that part of being in a wedding means that you anticipate having to pay for those things on your own and not have the bride pay for it. It is already an expensive day, so they should not expect that.

    However, you could offer to pay for it, instead of getting gifts for her. It is usually an "etiquette no-no" to gift the BP with something that is for the wedding, however, if she would rather you pay for her hair than get a separate gift, that's her choice. So....that is an option. Though, only if you were planning on spending that much to begin with.

    That being said, try not to be a bridezilla with the amount you want your girls to spend, unless they are financially able to do so.
  • hailey513hailey513
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    They way she is acting about it is very nasty honestly. I didnt honestly think they would have a problem paying for their own hair and they were all for getting it done but two of the girls ASSUMED I was paying for it.
  • hailey513hailey513
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    for part of their gift i was going to buy them their jewelry and some other things. i have been very cost effective with them because for one the MOH doesn't have a job and the others have children.

    But I told her that was part of being in the wedding and she should know the expenses of accepting it. Also I told her I would love to do so but since my FI and I have paid for our WHOLE wedding ourselves we dont have much other money to spend on everyone like we would LOVE to.

    I do like the idea of the gift or hair thing though thanks Laughing
  • edited December 2011
    technically, anything other than the dress that you require, you should pay for. if you require certain hair, nails, shoes, jewelry, etc., you should pay, just as you pay for flowers. it is common for bridesmaids to pay for their extras. i don't think she's really being rude but it would be a good idea to go over the expenses with your ladies so no other expectations are broken.

    it is completely acceptable for you to say 'we're going to X salon for hair and i can schedule you an appointment if you want. it would be $XX. if you want to do your own hair though, that's ok.' essentially it's like giving them an out while you still set the expectation that they pay.

    good luck!
  • BCsGalBCsGal
    100 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    For my girls, I was able to budget accordingly to pay for their jewelry, hair, and makeup.  For the makeup, I got the basic application for them, just professional eyes and lips.  If they wanted to upgrade to full face or air brush, they paid the difference.  The jewelry was part of their gifts, but I got them several things not wedding-related as well.  My H had a groomsman that a month or so before the wedding said he couldn't pay for the tux rental.  He had months to set aside a few dollars a week to cover this expense, so I was not happy.  We chose a very simple tux, not name brand or anything, to be mindful of the cost.  My H didn't want tp pay for the tux, but he decided to give the groomsman the cash he would have spent on his gift to him to use toward the rental fees.  As Noble said, maybe use the money you would for her gift to go toward hair?  Good luck, it's a tough situation, and people's stress levels rise, don't let this ruin your friendship.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think that if you're demanding that they each need to have a certain look, then yes you pay.  But if you're just giving them the option of getting their hair done then they pay.  For instance, I'm having my hair stylist come to the hotel and I told all of the girls that if they wanted to get their hair done by him, then he's there to do what you want and it'll cost x amount of dollars.  I told them if they also wanted to just style their own hair then that's fine too.  But if I said, my hair stylist is coming and I want you all to have up-dos and it needs to get done by my guy, then I think I should pay since it's REQUIRED.  I think that having them pay for their dress and shoes are one thing, but if other things are required like hair, makeup, nails, etc., then I think the bride needs to pay. 
    If you're not requiring it and your MOH just wants her hair done and can't afford it, then she doesn't get her hair done.  Simple as that. 
  • edited December 2011
    If you expect them to wear their hair a certain way, you should pay. Otherwise give them the opportunity to do it themself. If they choose to go to the salon instead of doing it themself, then its their fiscal responsibility. Personally, I am having my girls buy their dress, wear a pair of black heels (everyone already owns a pair), and get their hair salon styled. I'm paying for the hair. If they want their nails done, its up to them. 
  • sherise40sherise40
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    As part of my gift I am paying for my girls hair and jewelry. They are picking their shoes and choosing to get their nails done. I am not sticking to 'rules' its my wedding (at the risk of sounding like a bridezilla) and dont understand where the 'rules' came from. I say do what you want and what makes you comfortable. I have been in weddings where nothing was paid for and some where everything was paid for. I did have a bridesmaid meeting back in December and put out my expectations before one thing was ordered or picked out. I told them what I was providing and what they would be paying for and if there was a problem they could bow out with no hard feelings. My girls were all great about it. I am taking them to charming charlie at Polaris and they are picking out their own jewelry and I am paying (I am taking them seperately so they pick out what they like, I am telling them I am buying one of what everyone picks out and will be picking the one I like for all of them when in reality I am giving them the one they actually pick out). I am paying for their hair. Two of my girls have really short hair so I had hair pieces made for them because they would not be able to get an updo. I am also getting the entire bridal party personalized beer mugs with their name on it and our date. Like I said make your own rules, and also make them clear to those in your wedding.
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  • AlliD11AlliD11
    100 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    WOW! Why is she acting like that??  I am not paying for the extras for my bridesmaids however I'm not making it mandatory they use the girl that I'm having travel to us for their hair. I offered her to all the girls, told them how much she costs, and told them if they wanted to use her they could but if not that was fine also! I also told them the color of shoe that I wanted them to get for the dress but told them they could get whatever kind they wanted. I definitely don't think that you should have to pay for the extras. If you want to pay for the extras as their gifts, that is one thing, but she shouldn't be expecting you to pay for all of that.
  • edited December 2011
    Thankfully I don't have that issue, one of my bridesmaids is a professional hair stylist and volunteered to help with hair.  But I did buy the feather hair accessories that I am having them all wear.  I also purchased the jewelry because I am having all of the girls wear different style dresses and shoes of their choosing.  The dresses are all the same material and color and the shoes are all silver but I wanted my girls to choose things that were flattering to them.  The jewelry is all made of the same freshwater pearls.  I'm putting together a gift basket for them what will contain the jewelry, personalized flasks and something special that represents the individual relationship I have with each of them.  My main game plan with my girls was that I give them creative rights to anything they buy (dress, shoes, etc) but I have creative rights to anything I purchase for them.  Hence why they are wearing a feather hair accessory (my oldest sister is not a fan LOL).

    I suggest you talk to your MOH to lay out you expectations and ask her what hers are.  It may be a little late in the game but it could still be very beneficial.  From there you should be able to compromise and develop a game plan that works for both of you. 
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  • edited December 2011
    I have tried to be sensitive regarding the cost my BM will accumulate.  If the bride requires that they have their hair professionally done that day, then I do feel that the bride should cover the cost.
  • edited December 2011
    They bought there dresses, shoes and are paying for there makeup. I bought there jewerly and I am paying for there hair
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