Bridal shower without wedding

ceciliarunge

OK ladies, help me with this one! My FI and I originally planned on having a medium-sized wedding with lots of friends and family. We recently decided to downsize tremendously and just have our parents, siblings, and one friend each. Everyone has been very understanding about this change of plan because I am from NJ and my invitations had not been mailed yet. (A lot of my family is grateful to not have to spend the money to make the trip to Minneapolis).

The only person whose planning has had to abruptly come to a stop is my best friend (maid of honor, who will still be one of our 16 guests). She has spent a lot of time planning a bridal shower for me, which would have been an opportunity for many relatives to see me who would not be able to travel to MN. She would still like to host some kind of a gathering, although I have told her that it is taboo to have a bridal shower since the ladies will not be invited to the wedding itself. 

She is interested in hosting some type of a Ladies Brunch before the wedding to have ladies still gather. What do you think of this language rather than "Bridal Shower." Another option is to have a picnic or get-together in NJ after the wedding. 

Thoughts are appreciated!  

shan87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_bridal-shower-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:9538b772-d46e-4356-9ab6-5db97483b21ePost:099cafb3-6f27-4e53-aaea-641418a4ceb2">Bridal shower without wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]OK ladies, help me with this one! My FI and I originally planned on having a medium-sized wedding with lots of friends and family. We recently decided to downsize tremendously and just have our parents, siblings, and one friend each. Everyone has been very understanding about this change of plan because I am from NJ and my invitations had not been mailed yet. <strong>(A lot of my family is grateful to not have to spend the money to make the trip to Minneapolis).</strong> The only person whose planning has had to abruptly come to a stop is my best friend (maid of honor, who will still be one of our 16 guests). She has spent a lot of time planning a bridal shower for me, <strong>which would have been an opportunity for many relatives to see me who would not be able to travel to MN</strong>. She would still like to host some kind of a gathering, although I have told her that it is taboo to have a bridal shower since the ladies will not be invited to the wedding itself.  She is interested in hosting some type of a Ladies Brunch before the wedding to have ladies still gather. What do you think of this language rather than "Bridal Shower." Another option is to have a picnic or get-together in NJ after the wedding.  Thoughts are appreciated!   
Posted by ceciliarunge[/QUOTE]

This post is mega confusing to me. (1) Who would be attending this "Ladies Brunch" the ladies that were part of the first guest list? or your new condensed list?  (2) If you are talking about the ladies that were part of the 1st guest list.... Why would these ladies travel to MN for a brunch/gathering but not for the wedding? You say it was an opportunity for many of your family to see you that would get a chance to travel to MN.....  IMO I would much rather travel for a wedding then just a lunch/get together. (3) If it was me, I would tell your friend to cut the losses on the shower. I wouldn't feel comfortable with her hosting an event for me with people I didn't/couldn't include in the wedding.

graysquirrel

I agree with Shan. I think that to hold any sort of event like that before your wedding would be in poor taste. If it is wedding-related at all, the people who are invited should also be invited to the wedding. It is sad if she has gone to a lot of non-refundable expense with this, but maybe she could transfer some of it to a small party with the people who will be attending? Or use some of it at your bach night? Otherwise I would just have a party after your wedding with no mention of the marriage at all. Just have a regular party with the relatives.

ceciliarunge

Point of clarification- the gathering that my MOH asked about would be in NJ, not in MN. It would be with my female relatives and best friends, all of whom live in NJ. Sorry for the confusion. Thank you for your input and Happy New Year!

sndietz

Well, as everyone has stated, it's not good etiquette. 

If you don't care about "rules"...If it were me personally, I wouldn't mind going to a luncheon to eat free food and socialize, even if I wasn't invited to the wedding. 

I'd call it a "Ladies Luncheon in honor of Cecelia Runge."  I wouldn't make it shower like, (no games, etc.) and it should be stated very clearly on the invite that there should be NO GIFTS, i.e. "No gifts please, your presence is gift enough" or something like that. 

It is going to be awkward if you have a mix of wedding invitees and non-invitees, but it sounds like your wedding will be such a private affair that it won't matter.