XP : What was I thinking?

xos0inlove

I posted this in Moms & Maids, but I like this board better

I have two girls in my bridal party -- my MOH and one BM. When we first started talking about dresses, I told them they did not have to wear the same dress, only that it be black and similar length (either both long or both short). When they started discussing styles, they both seemed to be on the same page anyway. To make a long story short, both girls got their dresses and while I like each dress that they picked out, I'm just really having doubts about how this is all going to look together. I got so caught up in not wanting to be a bridezilla and making them wear a dress they may not like, that now I'm stuck with two completely different dresses that I just don't think will look good next to each other. I'm tempted to just buy them matching dresses, but I don't know how to bring it up to them or even offer. With only two months until the wedding, I know I need to figure something out soon -- what would you do in this situation?

futuremrsdavies

I guess the question is, how much does it really bother you?  If you're just concerned about how it will look, I wouldn't worry because often when the bridesmaids don't match the photos look unique.  That being said, my preference is for matchy matchy dresses but they can choose thier own shoe style.  Some worry that this will look weird. 

Ultimately, its a minor detail that in 30 years, you will look back on and hate both dresses (or the one you chose) anyway.  I'd leave it alone.

If it really bothers you, approach them and be honest.  Apologize for the inconvernience but that you're stressing about this detail and now, would like the dresses to match, but are offering to shoulder the expense.  You chose them to stand up for you because they are close to you.  They will understand

rlavach

I'm in almost the same situation. I told my girls to find dresses in a cut & style that fit their body. I asked my MOH to find something pink & either chiffon or satin, then my BM to go yellow in chiffon or satin. I thought those colors complimented each well. 

In the end, my MOH reused an old BM dress that is a pink satin, but completely not the look or color I was going for. I just didn't have the heart to ask her to spend $$ on a new dress when that one was perfectly fine, just not what I wanted. 

Then my BM, who is dead broke, fell in love with a $300 she couldn't afford. She procrastinated in buying the dress because she couldn't save up enough $. She finally waved the white flag & went dress shopping for something more reasonable. She bought a gray dress in a completely different style/fabric than what I wanted, at the 2 month mark. Since I had to have the groomsmen in gray, rather than the tan I wanted, I figured why not gray. 

What am I going to do? Complain that they're not the colors/styles/fabrics I wanted? It won't do me any good. It's just not important enough. Your girls both have the same color on, so don't worry about it. People aren't going to notice.

rardito

I think at this point you should just let it go.  If you wanted the same dress/matching, you should have gone with them when they were pciking them out IMO. 

blgrout

I agree with radito.  Time is running out, since the wedding is in less than 2 months, and it sounds like they did what you asked.  I did the same thing, but we all went shopping together so I could see the 3 dresses together to see that they complemented each other.  I don't think it will really be *that* big a deal.  Sometimes it's easy to get wrapped up in minute details and get tunnel vision.  Have they seen each other's dresses?  What's their opinion of each other's dresses? 

em01092

Yeah I think it's too late.  If they are black, you shouldn't be worried about color too much, obviously, although are they different fabrics? Some fabrics hold color differently and thus some girls ask that all BMs get the same fabric.

Is there any way you can see them side by side beforehand? That may ease your nerves.

Honestly, I think you did your friends a huge favor by doing this and they will be happy and appreciative. You probably won't notice the difference in 20 years. What you will notice is they were there beside you and their happy faces!

cdbishop

Unless you are paying for new dresses, and if you are picking something it is a dress that is off the rack you can change it.  But I guess it is hard to understand because we don't know how different the two dresses are.  Dresses can be the same length and color, but the fabric and style can make one be very classy and other more casual.  If you really want it changed, if the girls can't return the dresses they already bought, then you need to pay because you changed your mind. 

xos0inlove

To answer some questions mentioned -- yes, they are completely different fabrics. They are pretty much different in every way. And yes, I absolutely should have made a weekend shopping trip with both girls, or atleast been much more direct & upfront in what I wanted from them. To be honest, I don't even think I know what I wanted but now that I've seen the options I just know it's not what I was thinking. I had planned on just keeping quiet and not making an issue of it, until FI told me that HE wasn't happy either. I think that's what has me so upset. Like I mentioned, I would not expect them to purchase a second dress and would definitely eat the cost, as it's my fault in the end. I guess I'm just hoping they will understand..I wish I had handled this differently from the beginning.