WP Attire

vk2204

So the general rule of thumb for the bridal party is they are to buy their own attire; more specifically for the bridesmaids... their dress. If the bride wants a specific shoe, she is to purchase it for everyone, or if she chooses a color the BM's are free to choose the shoe of their liking.

I am just curious as to what everyone plans on doing for their own weddings. Are you making your girls buy a shoe that you picked out? If you are, how much would you make them spend on the shoes?

I ask because I am standing up in a wedding in October, and the bride has thrown out the idea of getting brown Toms. Now, I don't mind Toms, I have 2 pairs, both given as gifts. But these shoes are A) Brown, which is not a color I wear or buy on my own and  $60 with shipping, and I am broke as a joke right now.

I wouldn't mind getting brown shoes of my choice. I could easily find a $15 pair of flats at Payless, or borrow my sisters shoes. So bottom line is I don't want to buy them. I think $60 is too much to ask someone to spend on a pair of shoes that they will never wear again.

Give me your opinions on this. Am I over-reacting? Do I suck it up and buy them? Or do I just get my own cheapie brown shoes?

erbear84

No, you're not overreacting.  I have to decide on my dress before I decide on the shoes I want them to wear but I'm leaning towards letting them pick a silver shoe, any style, because I'm leaning towards charcoal dresses.  I won't make them buy anything in particular.

SN: I soooooo want a pair of Toms.  

vk2204

That is why I am sticking with a black or grey dress for my girls. They can wear whatever the heck black shoes they want. Easy Peasy.

RE: your SN - Toms are very comfy and I really do like them, but I honestly don't own anything brown, or anything that could match with brown and that is why I just don't want to buy them in THAT color.

erbear84

I know what you mean.  I tend to wear more black than brown.  Not sure why; with my coloring I probably look better in brown tones.  

Christine9866

I feel like shoes are always a tough topic with bridesmaids! $60 is a lot to spend on shoes, and I would not expect nor want my girls to spend that much on a shoes considering they are just getting it to match the dress. I feel like for the weddings I have been in we have been told what color to get and to choose what style we want or more specifically like "brown and strappy".

TOMS is pretty specific, are you guys wearing short or long dresses?? I'm trying to picture it in my head. I know I have seen converses, but only on the men in the bridal party. I have rarely seen sneakers on the bridesmaids.

vk2204

Dress is a short, satin dress from DB, plus we also had to buy a $20.00 green sash to wear with the dress (that doesn't match). The brides sisters are wearing clover green dresses with a brown sash, and the 3 non sisters are wearing the brown dresses with green sashes.

[Deleted User]

Yikes...I'm not so sure about the Toms with satin dresses but it could be funky.  Can you post a picture of the BM dress?  VK, I don't think you're overreacting.  Weddings get expensive quickly for those involved and it's even more intense when you've got your own wedding to plan/pay for.

Below is the dress I'm asking my girls to wear.  I'm also going to ask them to wear black shoes of their choosing and I will highly suggest flats, wedges, or those solemates thingys since we'll be in the grass.  Do y'all think the black shoes will look okay with that shade of blue?  I'm trying to pick a color that everyone will have so I can avoid putting my girls in the situation VK is in. Thanks!

Christine9866

Personally, I would not have my girls wear any kind of sneakers. That is just my style though! Im all about the guys rockin converse, just because I think its easier for guys to pull it off. I would let the bride know that money is tight, and ask her if there was anything else she had in mind.

[Deleted User]

I agree with Christine. Just talk to the bride. If she's requiring a specific shoe and it's pricy, she should pay or at least help you out if money is tight. Otherwise, she can say "well I want a casual brown flat," and you can find something at payless that works for $10-15

redjellybean128

I agree. Talk with the bride that money is tight. It is a lot to ask for to buy shoes that specific. 

I've asked my girls to wear any shade of silver that they are comfortable in, and also asked that they keep it on the shorter side because I'm super short and some of my girls are 5'8 and taller.

orangehills

You aren't overreacting! I would probably just tell the bride, hey, I can't afford those shoes. Is a pair from Payless ok? And then she can offer to pay if she really wants to!

My 2 girls have floor length dresses. I let them choose which dress style they wanted (though I did have the color and material and length picked out already). I told them to wear whatever shoe they want, just not black because it would be too harsh a color. And they can do their hair/makeup however they want. (I bought their jewelry). They were so confused though, they aren't used to being in weddings that don't cost them $500 due to what the bride demands. They keep asking me, but what do you want us to do? And I keep saying, whatever you want!!! I don't care! It's pretty comical actually.

LuckyGirl1713

You are not overreacting at all. It is totally normal to make requests of your bridesmaids but you can't ask them to buy a specific shoe that is expensive that they will probably never wear again. I would talk to the bride as politely as possible and see what happens good luck

Spunky414

$60  is a lot to spend on shoes you won't wear, I would not be a happy camper with that, especially since I hate the casual shoe with a dress. I'm pretty sure Payless has knockoff Toms, and maybe one of the cheaper brands that Macys carries. 

My bridesmaids and I are going to go shopping when we have our usual get together around New Years, they can pick a color (navy, grey, or black) and get any cocktail dress they like. Shoes and jewelry are up to them. Hair and makeup optional, I think they will get their hair done but it's really expensive here so I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't. The guys are all wearing suits they already own. We might get them coordinating ties, but that's mostly because I think all of FI's ties are old manish.

Ich0708, I think black would look fine, but my first instinct would be to put silver or nude shoes with it   

orangehills

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_wp-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:b3d64783-7f62-4c1b-9427-b4fa78350ed3Post:ad395351-84f2-4f38-9633-3efc305a16b5">Re: WP Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]Yikes...I'm not so sure about the Toms with satin dresses but it could be funky.  Can you post a picture of the BM dress?  VK, I don't think you're overreacting.  Weddings get expensive quickly for those involved and it's even more intense when you've got your own wedding to plan/pay for. Below is the dress I'm asking my girls to wear.  I'm also going to ask them to wear black shoes of their choosing and I will highly suggest flats, wedges, or those solemates thingys since we'll be in the grass.  Do y'all think the black shoes will look okay with that shade of blue?  I'm trying to pick a color that everyone will have so I can avoid putting my girls in the situation VK is in. Thanks!
Posted by lch0708[/QUOTE]

I think black would look a little harsh. I was in a wedding with that color, and we had silver- very easy to find and looks really good with that shade.

nay1984

with my girls  we went shopping all together and they decided what shoes they wanted to wear. we went with the same shoe because its a short dress and it looked nice all the same but they chose. 

and at night we are wearing slip on converse that are dainty ones because i wear converse all the time. instead of wearing flip flops etc

the problem is ur kinda (in my opinion) stuck to do what the bride wants thats part of what you agree with. but since money is tight maybe tell her that can she can help pay for it..

i want the girls in my wedding party to also have cap sleeve jackets so im paying for that because its what I want..and its kinda an extra..so maybe she could help with it

are Toms comfy? ive seen people wear them they look simple i gotta try them

vk2204

Thank you all for the responses. I am all about making the bride happy, but I feel like we (brides) lose focus as to what we WANT things to look like instead of really thinking about what people put into being there for you on your big day. My BM's tell me I am too lax and that I need to start making some decisions instead of saying "do what you want" lol.

Nay - Toms are very comfy, I love both of my pairs, but I don't need a closet full of them. And (again) I wouldn't wear brown. If they were under $30, no biggie, I can suck it up. But to get these shoes, I need to order them online and that is just a huge hassle, especially when the wedding is less than 2 months away.

Ich - I agree with you, I don't think they would match. They are getting married in a church and personally I would rather wear dressy shoes. Here is a link of the dress. The color is truffle - Don't forget I will be wearing a clover green sash too lol.

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Short-Pleated-Satin-Strapless-Dress-F14212_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses

orangehills

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_wp-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:b3d64783-7f62-4c1b-9427-b4fa78350ed3Post:e187bc5f-dc05-427d-80e0-807796d27837">Re: WP Attire</a>:
[QUOTE] Here is a link of the dress. The color is truffle - Don't forget I will be wearing a clover green sash too lol. <a href="http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Short-Pleated-Satin-Strapless-Dress-F14212_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses" rel="nofollow">http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Short-Pleated-Satin-Strapless-Dress-F14212_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses</a>
Posted by vk2204[/QUOTE]

Wow... does she realize how bad that will all look? I mean, a short satin dress with a sash (the colors should be ok) will probably be fine. But with toms?? That will just look bad, not hip... :/

vk2204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_wp-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:b3d64783-7f62-4c1b-9427-b4fa78350ed3Post:2be5ccf8-e2ea-4ede-b6ad-e0dcfdd28bf4">Re: WP Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WP Attire : <strong>Wow... does she realize how bad that will all look?</strong> I mean, a short satin dress with a sash (the colors should be ok) will probably be fine. But with toms?? That will just look bad, not hip... :/
Posted by orangehills[/QUOTE]

No, I really think she has no idea, or just doesn't care. She thinks going this route will be "easy because everyone loves Toms".

rachelm13

I am sorry to lurk/jump in... but none of that is ok.  The money aside... That dress with the shoes?!  No.  Call WeTv and get David T up in there. 

Side note, I would grab a pair of brown heels/flats that you would wear (buy/borrow whatever)  and shoot her pics of them... maybe it will change her mind away from the Toms...
GOOD LUCK!

vk2204

I JUST got a text from the bride. She said she wants us to do chocolate Toms for the wedding, and if we decide not to do that just do a brown flat. So I am going with the latter lol.

And she wants to know what size hoodie we are. If I get one that says bridesmaid on it, I might cry lol.

[Deleted User]

VK-I wish you loads of patience, my dear :-)  at least you can easily find a less expensive brown flat!  :-)

vk2204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_wp-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:b3d64783-7f62-4c1b-9427-b4fa78350ed3Post:1cbc9ebd-a9b5-4905-a5f0-498281582568">Re: WP Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]VK-I wish you loads of patience, my dear :-)  at least you can easily find a less expensive brown flat!  :-)
Posted by lch0708[/QUOTE]

haha thanks! I am obviously not big into wedding party themed clothing ;)

rachelm13

It will say "bridesmaid" in rhinestone bedazzling.  Trust.   

You are a patient one and good luck with your own wedding!!! 

vk2204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_wp-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:b3d64783-7f62-4c1b-9427-b4fa78350ed3Post:57c11a12-a624-48f1-a0ec-c5e58122c8b6">Re: WP Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]It will say "bridesmaid" in rhinestone bedazzling.  Trust.  ;)  You are a patient one and good luck with your own wedding!!! 
Posted by rachelm13[/QUOTE]

I will only wear it if it is bedazzled in Swarovski crystals!!!! :::hairflip:::

rachelm13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_wp-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:b3d64783-7f62-4c1b-9427-b4fa78350ed3Post:970f37a1-5245-4c69-a592-a20775747ca2">Re: WP Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WP Attire : I will only wear it if it is bedazzled in Swarovski crystals!!!! :::hairflip:::
Posted by vk2204[/QUOTE]

well played!  :)

ChiGirl2013

Wait.... so rhinestone hoodies for the bridal party are out?  What about the candy necklaces with a tag that says 'suck for a buck' - are those out too, along with the flashing pink shotglass rings and phallic-shaped deely-bopper headbands?  If so, I'm going to have to come up with a whole new wardrobe for my last night as a free woman!  lol

FTR, I have never owned Toms, but wouldn't pay $60 for a pair of shoes I'd never wear again, unless the dress was a total steal - like under $50. 

I'm only having 1 BM so she can pick whatever dress and shoes she wants.  The last thing I want to deal with is an upset bridal party, plus the fact that our wedding is super small helps too.  :-)

vk2204

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[QUOTE]Wait.... so rhinestone hoodies for the bridal party are out?  <strong>What about the candy necklaces with a tag that says 'suck for a buck'</strong> - are those out too, along with the flashing pink shotglass rings and phallic-shaped deely-bopper headbands?  If so, I'm going to have to come up with a whole new wardrobe for my last night as a free woman!  lol FTR, I have never owned Toms, but wouldn't pay $60 for a pair of shoes I'd never wear again, unless the dress was a total steal - like under $50.  I'm only having 1 BM so she can pick whatever dress and shoes she wants.  The last thing I want to deal with is an upset bridal party, plus the fact that our wedding is super small helps too.  :-)
Posted by ChiGirl2013[/QUOTE]

I am wearing one right now... don't hate. I need to pay for my wedding somehow ;)

mabapunta

Funny that I don't even know what Toms are. I'm def not a fashionista by any means lol. Sounds like it's been worked out tho, which is great!

We are still trying to figure out the BM dress. My BMs are all in 3 diff states and one is planning her own wedding (in 2 months!) so she's off the hook. I want their input and want them to like the dress since they will be paying for it - but I also realize it will be hard to find a dress that everyone loves in the green shade we're looking for and that will work with my dress (Essense D1042). I think we've got it narrowed down to 3 choices and just need to see one of them on someone. I'm letting them wear their hair and makeup however they wish. As for shoes, I have no idea. I found a couple online that were a green shade - but it's pretty much a definite that they would never rewear them. Our wedding is a light kind of grassy green and various shades of pink (in the bouquets) -- so what color shoes would work best?

For my friend's wedding (BM above) she chose the dress for us (black w green sash) and said we can wear whatever black shoes we want. She's super flexible with our hair & makeup, too.

shipsinthenight

I love shoes in general, but I just don't understand the whole Tom's thing...but I'm a Converse girl anyway, so I feel like that would be splitting my loyalty anway. I feel like the only kind of dress that works with any kind of sneakers are ones with full A-line or circle skirts, something that flares away from the body. As soon as I saw the dress you're wearing, I understood why Toms would NOT work with it, and for that matter, the sash you mentioned...but that's neither here nor there, as most brides tend to get their hearts set on various fashion choices with which I do not agree. Which is fine because it's their wedding not mine, I am having mine and they might dissagree with my choices.

So aside from the fact that I dislike this from a fashion standpoint...you are not overreacting. It is the bride's responcibility to take her WP's budgets into consideration, not only for the dress, but for their entire outfit and any "required" outtings. You don't get mad at a BM for saying she can't afford a ticket to your Bachelorette party in Vegas, because it's a party(one can accept or decline), not a bootcamp (for example). So if the bride doesn't ask about total budget, she should leave shoes up to the girls with guidelines. I'm trying to decide between black and silver, but I don't care about fabric, height, style...I spent as much on my shoes as my dress for a friend's wedding, but that was completely my choice. Talk to the bride, see if she can help you out or be more successbul.

vk2204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_wp-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:b3d64783-7f62-4c1b-9427-b4fa78350ed3Post:41dc9f9e-9b27-4416-b876-eb9e45023774">Re: WP Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]Funny that I don't even know what Toms are. I'm def not a fashionista by any means lol. Sounds like it's been worked out tho, which is great! We are still trying to figure out the BM dress. My BMs are all in 3 diff states and one is planning her own wedding (in 2 months!) so she's off the hook. I want their input and want them to like the dress since they will be paying for it - but I also realize it will be hard to find a dress that everyone loves in the green shade we're looking for and that will work with my dress (Essense D1042). I think we've got it narrowed down to 3 choices and just need to see one of them on someone. I'm letting them wear their hair and makeup however they wish. As for shoes, I have no idea. I found a couple online that were a green shade - but it's pretty much a definite that they would never rewear them. Our wedding is a light kind of grassy green and various shades of pink (in the bouquets) -- so what color shoes would work best? For my friend's wedding (BM above) she chose the dress for us (black w green sash) and said we can wear whatever black shoes we want. She's super flexible with our hair & makeup, too.
Posted by mabapunta[/QUOTE]

I think with any green you choose you are safe with a silver shoe. Depending on the shade of green you could probably do a black shoe as well. I am standing up in a wedding next June and the bride is doing Shamrock dresses and either black or silver for shoes.

tosha9266

as a alternative to the TOMS which can be kinda pricey, khols carries shoes called BOBS that look exactly the same but are only $20

and im buying my girls dresses(i got cream colored lace dresses and adding green or blue sash)  and asking them to wear brown boots