Are we working "with" our guys?

skatory

Do you girls sometimes feel we don’t include them enough, or do we force them to participate? (with planning) I’m In NO this weekend. A surprise trip from my love. I feel like an unprepared ******!!!! He said I should play and meet with whoever. So sweet but no notice! WHAT? We have a small wedding compared to you girls but I feel, well, just as important. So is your guy participating, or do you feel he just wants you to “handle” what “WE” want? I get bits of info from friends but am trulu curious if your man wishes you would just …..make this happen??

jen373moran

Yes!  For the most part, my fiance just wants me to do whatever it takes to make all of this happen.  I understand that he hasn't been dreaming of a wedding since he was little so I try as hard as possible not to nag and to just understand.  But, I admit that sometimes I get frustrated and stressed and take it out on him.  It's funny though with my fiance.  He could care less about flowers, invitations, favors, etc.  But, when it was time to pick out his groom's cake, I swear you would think he wanted fireworks to shoot out of it   And, when it came to second line umbrellas, he actually cared about his umbrella.  Really?  So, while I would like for him to care about everything just like I do, I have decided to appreciate the things he does care about and make them special for him.  I am surprising him with a great groom's cake and umbrella!

maccalovah

My fiance isn't really actively involved either....In some ways I consider it a blessing! haha. Like PP, when it came time to pick the groom's cake, he really was interested in that, and he also liked helping to select the reception menu, but beyond that, no. I don't think most men really care what sort of flowers we decide on, or what our invitations look like! Oh well!

engbullyluvr

I would almost trade with you guys. Mine is super involved. He wanted to be a part of any vendor decision (probably because of money, we're paying for most of the wedding), helped design invitations, and wanted to pick hotels for room blocks. The only thing he didn't care about were the flowers, except the price. It definately makes it harder because I can make decisions quickly where he procrastinates until the last minute. One bonus--- he's taking the whole week before the wedding off to do wedding stuff because I have to work. Since he's been so involved I can count on him to deal with the vendors appropriately.

bcnoelle

I have tried to get my FI to participate, but he really isn't that interested. I finally gave him a couple of things to be in charge of. I just felt like I was doing more than I wanted and had time with during the day at times. I gave him free reign and he called two vendors for things we needed. Both of the vendors directly called me back to double check that it was ok for the groom's decision to be the final call. It was so frustrating! I just wanted to take some stuff off my plate and it totally got put back on.

skatory

All good points. Appreciate what they do instead of frustrate over what they dont care about. I'm thrilled were here this weekend and I'm at least able to check out some weddings my florist is doing and pick up some N.O. gifts. So far the weather is great. I hope (ours is outdoors too) it's sunshiny for all you brides this weekend! I wasnt doing a grooms cake but now you have me thinking...........! I'm determined to find things that will make him feel......like it's HIS day too.

roteki

Well, i think i may be one of the only groom to be's on here, but with my fiancee and I its been a little nontraditional with the planning. We both met and used to live in New Orleans, and we visited twice to pick out venues. Because of the timing (we got engaged in July, getting married in April) we had to move fast. She unfortunately has had to travel a lot for work the past few months, so I have been handling most of the arrangements so far.  Once her travel slows down a bit, she will get more involved, but for now, its working out. I look at all the options for venues, hotels, ceremony places, etc, I write up a pros and cons list, and then make a decision. Then I handle the contracts. I actually do really enjoy it, and have some experience with event planning. It helps we both like the same things!

skatory

roteki, I thinks thats so cool! guess we cant all have a guy thats so hands on with the whole process. I think it would make it seem more fun for me but just count my blessings he trusts my opinion and compliments my choices. Hats off to all the hands on grooms out there!

AnneMargaret

My fiance has had as little input as he can get away with. When we discussed bridesmaids and groomsmen, he said, "Well, why do I have to ask them now? They'll be going anyway - I'll just tell them a month before so they can get a tux." !!!! So some of those things are frustrating, but he did help pick out a reception venue, and I never really expected him to care about florists and bakers, etc.

Future Mrs. Andres 2010

I actually just got off the phone with my fiance' about this.  he never wanrs to participate but since we have to be in town for the "test" with the priest.  He finally gave in to go see the florist and venue stuff with me.  We have our venue but we are meeting the coordinator to plan out the tables and such.  He seems to say that i don't take his advice but i do take it in consideration but he has only gave advice on one thing.  Which was the color theme and i said marine blue with white and he said marine blue with ivory.  My dress is white thats why I thought white. He made me upset b/c he said his mom knows a florist in new orleans and gets mad because i don't have time this trip to look at any others but he tells me at the last min (even though he says he told me about it before) and then when i ask for the florists name he doesn't know and tells me to call his mom.  I am sorry but i already have a full day of appts.  he doesn't understand i can't do it all and then asks why i am stressed!!! So yes i want him to be involved but he is not but this weekend he will be very involved!

KatiTheCutie

My fiance' is in med school and cannot really be involved in much. We discuss the big decisions together, but like with everything else he trusts me to do whatever is needed. He knows that I will make this day to reflect "us" and not "me." Together we chose the date, colors, transportation, honeymoon, church etc. He explained the kind of groom's cake that he wanted. While in town he met the wedding planner with me, and we did the menu tasting together. Poor thing also had to come to the florist with me once bc we were in the area and it was the only time I could go....So, he has had a part in all of this but I just use my best judgement on what to involve him in and what he is interested in....