Maiden Name...Are You Keeping Yours???

Francesvm

So, I was poking around online today and came across a blog post where a recent newlywed was writing about her decision to keep her own last name. I thought it was interesting and just as an interesing topic of discussion...I wondered what everyone here was doing...are you changing your last name? Hyphenating? Why or why not?

jleigh1902

I will be changing my last name. I never really thought of reasons why I am other than that's just what you do! But I love my FI and am proud to take his last name and I have no reason not to.

jodyk23

I'm taking FI's name as well. I'm am pretty traditional and it's not like I'm a doctor or other professional where I'm well know. That would be the only case where I would consider keeping my last name. There was a discussion on this earlier. I guess if you legally change you name to include both names, but don't hyphenate, you can legally sign either last name. But if you hyphenate, you must sign exactly like that. Just another option!

lulubunny1

i'm taking my fiances last name. it's not something i ever thought about it was just a given in my head but now that i think about it, when we do have kids i want my lastname to be the same as theirs... woohooo for new lastnames

Francesvm

Lol...I love the whoo hoo so early in the am !!! I guess its not that early ....

lulubunny1

lol well if your just waking up its early... such lucky people who get to sleep in. i been up since 6 and at work since 7, counting down to 3pm

cwimer6154

I'm taking FI's name too for a couple of reasons.  First, I'm also a traditionalist and would like to my kids to have the same last name as me like Lulu said.  Second, I have had trouble with my last name my whole life!  People can never pronounce it or spell it correctly and it drives me nuts.  I'm changing to a pretty standard/popular name so I don't think I should have that problem anymore.  I'm happy to become a member of his family in name and in life!

aprillm730

I'm still undecided.  I think about this probably every day.  It's a very tough decision and I'm not sure what I will do.  Part of me wants to hyphenate and part of me wants to just take his.

Haylie04

I'll definitely be taking his.  Several reasons:  I'm going into teaching and my new last name will be much easier for kids to pronouce than my current one.  Second, I work at a dance studio and see first hand how screwed up and confusing the accounts get when the parents/kids have different last names.  I can't imagine having to deal with that all the time everywhere I went.  Also, I hear that a lot of places (banks, etc) give people with different last names trouble on the phone and won't speak to someone with a different last name.  Also, there are computer account programs that won't accept hyphens.

The last two reasons are things I've heard from people with hyphenated names rather than things I know to be true.

Gwenwhyfare

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_maiden-nameare-keeping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:206d78b3-32bd-4da6-b23e-dacbdae2def1Post:2e35f6f1-d3a3-43a6-9e17-3b8e9fd93d68">Re: Maiden Name...Are You Keeping Yours???</a>:
[QUOTE]Second, I have had trouble with my last name my whole life!  People can never pronounce it or spell it correctly and it drives me nuts.Posted by cwimer6154[/QUOTE]

<div>This. No one can spell or pronounce mine either. His last name is a little easier, but I don't think it will get slaughtered the way mine does now.</div>

Lisa7310

I will be taking FI as well.  I've thought about it but never really considered anything else seriously. I have been married before and I've always wanted my kids and us to have the same last name. After the divorce I just could not keep his name, but my son has that last name. So, right now there are 3 last names in our house. I am very happy to take FI's last name, I just wish DS could as well.

catstoy73

I definitely took DH's last name. It was never an issue for me since I always knew that when I got married I would take my husband's name.

corinne2010

I will most likely be taking FI last name. I do love my current last name though. FI said that if I wanted to, I could make my current last name my middle name. So I'm considering it. But more than likely I'll just drop my current last name and take his.

ms nobody

Let me be frank:  implying that somehow a computer program is enough to scratch hypenation off the list of "valid name change options," and implying that those who hyphenate are somehow putting themselves in danger of clerical errors or being a pain for people who do a certain job is uncool. i know people with hyphenated last names and they've NEVER said anything about not being able to take care of their banking because of their last name. (sounds like it's a problem with the bank, not the name).

if you have your spouse as a secondary on your account (which is a good idea in case of emergency if you dont combine finances, you wont have a problem. and if you do combine finances BOTH FULL names will be on the account, along with the SS#s so proving that you are who you say you are wont be an issue- again if a bank cant figure this out- it's time to switch banks.).

 I work in places with client and patron accounts (as well as their children who get separate accounts) and not once has a hyphen been an issue. turns out THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME ADDRESS. lol

IF someone at an establishment has problems with hyphenated names, it's the employee's problem.  it's the year 2010. people hyphenate. it isnt unheard of, and if whatever business you patronize CANT handle it- then i think it's time for you to take your business somewhere else, because if they cant handle a simple name, how are they going to handle REAL problems? 

i mean srsly.... what do you do when the parents are divorced? yea. it works out. no one dies. 

any other strawmen that i need to knock down today?

one needs no reason not to change their name. (or viceversa. it's a personal choice and it does not need to be approved by anyone by the person whose name is in question.) you either want to, or you don't.

/irritated lecture.

i dont feel like it. i've never considered changing my name. it's just not me or my style. i like my given name. i am ____ _____ and i'm not interested in being called anything else. lol

if FI and i ever spawn, they'll have hyphenated names. ZOMG! GASP! 

there are various options. double barreling is a popular one in the academic world (having first, middle, and two last names without hyphenation). you go by three names basically at all times. it sounds totally bad ass, and like you are super important. lol. i think catsfancy did it. and i'd like to take full credit for planting that seed. :oP

scarywife1026

I did not take my DH's name. I'm proud of my name...it's a big part of who I am and my heritage. DH was fine w/ it. Since his mom is a teacher, he didn't mind not hearing Mrs. C since it reminds him of her anyways. We're not having kids, so that's a nonissue. I really struggled w/ that whole idea of 'it's what you're supposed to do'. I tried to convince him to take my name or combine our names. lol

I also really like it when DH is called Mr. M. That makes me laugh...a lot.


ms nobody...I like you.

klreese0213

I thought about keeping mine and hyphenating his. I HATED my last name (Bio-father's name) and felt i needed to change my last name to my DAD's name. so a few years ago i changed it. So my current last name is very important to me and still pretty new I asked FI a few weeks ago his opinion on me keeping my last name was he was so offended. Like he was almost hurt that i'd even consider the option to not take his name. it was a very touchy subject. I will gladly take his name, which ive always wanted to take my husbands name. i'm a very traditional person as well. I would just like to incorporate my current last name somehow. maybe a furture child's name or middle name.

thecatsfancy

I kept my last name...and took his.  I did not hyphenate.  I can use either name, whenever I feel like it.  If I want to be Taryn K, I can be.  If I want to be Taryn Jones, I can be.  If I want to be Taryn K Jones, I can be.  It's all good.  Granted, I have only been married 3 months, but I haven't had any problems with it.

Francesvm

Wow, lots of interesting points. Mrs. Nobody - love it! Thanks for being so bold and honest. Honestly, I feel like it is a peice of me. I'm ok with my kids having his last name to keep a level of cohesiveness among the family. My mom has been married several times over and changed her name over and over so its been longer than I can remember since we have shared a last name. Its interesting how offended people can get....and while I TOTALLY understand and respect someones reason to take their hubbys last name - I just dont think its for everyone. I do like the idea of being able to sign either my name or his - Thanks thecatsfancy!!!! Great idea!!!

thecatsfancy

Yeah, our kids will be Joneses.  I don't intend to hyphenate their last names...I just didn't want to give up my maiden name.  It has been part of me for 29 years.  It's pretty much a security blanket.  LOL!

Sue-n-Kevin

Very active post!

My last name is hard to pronounce. I've never been married before. But my last name was a name that was "created" when my ancestors came over in the early 1900's. They took a Polish name and simplified it. There aren't many of us out there with this last name.

Twenty three years ago I gave birth to my son, as a single mom. He has our last name. He's doing very well scholastically, and I think some day he will "be somebody" (OK, a mom can dream, right?). I want to share in that glory (big LOL), and don't want him to feel like there is no lineage through me, though I doubt he would. But it's a consistency, and I've had this same name for so long, I really don't want to change it.

My fiance has been married twice, and we talked about it. There were 2 Mrs "P" out there, and I don't need to be another one.

However, when my parents named me, they did not give me a middle name. SO, I've toyed with the idea of taking my fiance's last name and changing my name to make it my middle name. Not sure I want to go through all the paperwork, so at this time it's a maybe. He's fine with whatever I choose.

I've really enjoyed reading everyone's opinions.

cmkuno

I'm not chaning my name.  If we have kids, we'll hyphenate their names.  Never thought about doing it any other way.

fiskj

I'm traditional and never thought of not taking his name....

I have realized though that I am going from a last name with 4 letters and easy to pronounce to a last name with 8 letters and very hard to pronounce (its german and doesn't sound at all like it looks.)
 
I'm a teacher so the kids in my classroom will have to call me: Mrs. T. FI gets a kick out of it and walks around the house saying "I pitty the fool" when ever we talk about it.

I have realized that I will have to go and write my new name on all my teaching stuff one day...its going to be a lot of work!

leeshab1982

I will take FI's last name.  I never really thought about doing it any differently.  I guess I've just always thought that's how you do it, and I'm okay with it. 

My transition won't be so bad...our last names start with the same letter, so my initials won't even change.  Plus his last name is more common and easier to spell and pronounce.

FI also has his mom's maiden name as his middle name.  I think that's kind of neat.  My MOH did that with her son, too.  So both names are represented.   

SS2010

I'm talking my FI's last name but keeping my maiden to write under (I'm a journalist) because that's what I've been published under.  I think it works out well, I can take his name while still saying in touch with my herritage and family (my name is rather long so hyphenating would just be a pain!)

sunkissed212

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_maiden-nameare-keeping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:206d78b3-32bd-4da6-b23e-dacbdae2def1Post:9805d558-3a33-4a1b-be51-754d380e3da0">Re: Maiden Name...Are You Keeping Yours???</a>:
[QUOTE]I just didn't want to give up my maiden name.  It has been part of me for 29 years.  It's pretty much a security blanket.  LOL!
Posted by thecatsfancy[/QUOTE]

THIS

I definitely want to take FI's name...however, my last name has been my identity for 31 years and for me it's hard to think of giving that up. FI understands, and I know he will support me in whatever I decide...which as of right now will probably be double barrelling like Taryn did. That way, I can still be Kim 'new last name' but my maiden name will still be in tact. I can use it, or not. It's more about peace of mind for me I guess.

thecatsfancy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_maiden-nameare-keeping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:206d78b3-32bd-4da6-b23e-dacbdae2def1Post:7c119ec0-2aeb-4b43-a57b-f97f2a58446c">Re: Maiden Name...Are You Keeping Yours???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maiden Name...Are You Keeping Yours??? : THIS I definitely want to take FI's name...however, my last name has been my identity for 31 years and for me it's hard to think of giving that up. FI understands, and I know he will support me in whatever I decide...<strong>which as of right now will probably be double barrelling like Taryn did. That way, I can still be Kim 'new last name' but my maiden name will still be in tact. I can use it, or not. It's more about peace of mind for me I guess.</strong>
Posted by sunkissed212[/QUOTE]

It's just one more reason why we are "life twins".  Heart you!

pattye14

i never thought of having the two last names and using whichever ones I wanted to... I was just going to make my current last name part of my middle name and take his last name.  I want to have the same last name as my kids.  I don't think that FI is too happy that I want to keep my current last name at all but I think if I give up my last name completely I will kinda of lose part of my identity...  if that makes any sense.

boogerbearoriginal

I too am adding FI's last name to mine without hyphenating. The way I look at it is 1. it was important to FI that we share a name and while it is my choice I also respect his wishes, 2. Much like I will be adding him to my life, I will add his name to mine but not eliminate my maiden name because hey I've been Erin S. for almost 28 years and I like it. So I will be Erin Middle Maiden Married - luckily 3 of the 4 names are 5 or less letters so it won't be like writing a book signing my name.

Julz629

I am taking FI's last name...never really thought twice about it.  I am not attached to my last name, and its always misspelled/mispronounced so I'm looking forward to an easier last name.

thecatsfancy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_maiden-nameare-keeping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:206d78b3-32bd-4da6-b23e-dacbdae2def1Post:4ec60ba9-1a6d-4dda-af6d-b221913acd30">Re: Maiden Name...Are You Keeping Yours???</a>:
[QUOTE]I too am adding FI's last name to mine without hyphenating. <strong>The way I look at it is 1. it was important to FI that we share a name and while it is my choice I also respect his wishes, 2. Much like I will be adding him to my life, I will add his name to mine but not eliminate my maiden name because hey I've been Erin S. for almost 28 years and I like it. </strong>So I will be Erin Middle Maiden Married - luckily 3 of the 4 names are 5 or less letters so it won't be like writing a book signing my name.
Posted by Booger+Bear[/QUOTE]

I like how you put that...getting married doesn't have to eliminate who you've been for 28 years...it adds to it!

jlfick

I'm so intrigued by this thread!  Taryn, I am loving your idea (well maybe you didn't create the idea, but you know what I mean)! Please help me with some clarification.  Did you move your maiden name to your middle name?  Or did you keep your middle name and now just have two last names?  I'm assuming if the latter is true, you legally have to sign both names, but can refer to yourself as either.