Bills and Dads...

paulandchelsea2012

As I have posted before, my dad is paying for our pretty expensive wedding.
A few of you responded that you hope I know how wonderful it is that he is doing this for us - and I just wanted to clarify...

I LOVE MY DAD!!!

I know this is an amazing thing he's doing for us. I am a bio major at U of M - I work in the lab (which pays $12/week!), and my FI pretty much supports both of us with his full time job. Just an FYI, I swear, I am not a spoiled brat - my dad is giving us this wedding as a way of thanking me for being "the good kid"! (also, we're paying for what we can: all paper, DOC, favors, small stuff...)

So, I was just wondering what everyone's experiences were...
Who is paying for your wedding?
What challenges has that brought on?
Would you spend $1,000,000 on your wedding if you could?
Have you had to cut anything you really wanted because of budget issues?
Have you MacGyver-ed anything you're really proud of that saved you a ton of money?
Anything else you just feel like sharing...

songbrd410

Who is paying for your wedding? FH and I are paying for the majority of the wedding (~70%).  I'm the first to get married and my parents decided to give my brothers and I all the same amount of money to spend however we want which is totally sweet of them.  FH's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner, and the HM is our gift from his family.
What challenges has that brought on?  I wouldn't say I've encountered challenges.  The money is by no means plentiful, though. I'm a grad student (so I can relate), and even though FH has a good job now he was unemployed for 9 months. But we have become very resourceful and creative in terms of wedding planning and everyday living. 
Would you spend $1,000,000 on your wedding if you could?  Nope.  Quantity does not always eqaul quality.  Plus, I've always been a bargain shopper so there's no use changing now.
Have you had to cut anything you really wanted because of budget issues?  Negative.  We made sure we got the things that were really important to us and budgeted everything else down from there. 
Have you MacGyver-ed anything you're really proud of that saved you a ton of money?  I've saved a lot of money in a lot of places.  But I guess percentage-wise, I saved 450% on my veil!
Anything else you just feel like sharing...One thing I recommend is to get vendors that work independently out of their homes.  They're just as talented (if not better) than larger companies and way cheaper!  Also, never assume a high sticker price = high quality.  I had to get FH over that. Everytime I said the word "deal" he though it meant I was settling for something.  Totally not true.  I started letting him "fall in love" with stuff first and telling him the awesome price afterwards. Just make sure you do your research.  Good luck!!

Stagestar2000

Here is our scenario.  I am the MOB.
We originally budgeted $10k for the wedding but realized that was near impossible.  We upped it to $15k.  We are paying for ceremony, reception, flowers, limo, photog,DJ,  bride's dress, day of planner.  Groom's parents are providing the cake and paying for the rehearsal dinner. We had hoped they would pay for the liquor but we aren't getting much support.  We are NOT paying for rings, honeymoon, bridesmaids dresses or grooms tuxes (except son who is in the wedding party).  I am DIY the centerpieces so the floral will just be bouquets and boutineers.  We have been to LOTS of bridal shows and have one several prizes - some usable, some not.  DD won the GRAND PRIZE at a Brides to Be Show and that covered the DJ and part of the limo. Big savings.  Need any more advice, I'm happy to share.

klreese0213

Glad to hear you are so appreciative of your dad. That's so generous of him to pay for that stuff.

Who is paying for your wedding? me and FI

What challenges has that brought on? I stress over being able to afford it, but know it'll turn out perfect.

Would you spend $1,000,000 on your wedding if you could? If i HAD it and everything else was paid off and i was debt free and couldnt keep the money or use it on anything else... sure. I'd take our families and close friends on a wedding vaca maybe a cruise! ooh lala (however, if it was just given to me and said i could do with it what i wish, i'd only spend a SMALL amount of the wedding)
ETA- i'd ONLY spend it if those were the terms lol i hope i made that clear. i obviously wouldn't intentionally throw away all that money on a wedding!

Have you had to cut anything you really wanted because of budget issues? Not yet... but i'm sure there will be things. we're still in the early stages of planning.

Have you MacGyver-ed anything you're really proud of that saved you a ton of money? Not yet.. but plan to. I'm pretty flipping excited about my $10 shoes i have to admit!

Anything else you just feel like sharing... i'm pretty excited about the challange of a budget wedding. I admit that if my parents or FI's parents offered us money i would not accept it. I feel that as adults this is our responsibility to be paying for it. However, i suppose the difference would be we aren't inviting all our parents friends or people on their guest list.

July032011

I love how you reiterated you're not a brat! My dad is my bestest friend and I am fortunate enough that he and my mom are paying for a very large majority of the wedding. It is funny that people assume that equals brat! But I have encountered that too! I do think that some of it is a little self inflicted.  2 of my friends are also getting married this year and they both have to pay for most of their own weddings.  So I feel bad!  But like you said I am 100% grateful and in awe of the great thing my parents are doing for me. 
I would also like to say that I have found some phenomenal deals and have searched and searched for the best price/quailty in one package before booking everything! I surprised myself how good I have done. I figured it was a little way to show them and others that I am grateful and respect the money they are paying!
Who is paying for your wedding? My parents: venue, (food, bar), STDs,invites (including postage) part of shower and anything else we may need help with. FI Parent's: cake, rehersal dinner, videographer, part of shower.  Us: florist, photographer, dj, limo, honeymoon.
What challenges has that brought on? I was laid off part way through wedding planning (after all deposits were paid) sothat was a litlte bit of a stuggle! FI is a nursing student and a nurse aide at a hospital.  He is picking up tons of extra hours to make up for my loss of job so I feel guilty about that!  Luckily, my parents have said they will help with our portion if we need it! So far we don't need extra help! I have it all saved !
Would you spend $1,000,000 on your wedding if you could?NOT A CHANCE! If I had that much money laying around I would send my parents on an awesome vacation!
Have you had to cut anything you really wanted because of budget issues? Nope not yet
Have you MacGyver-ed anything you're really proud of that saved you a ton of money? No I am just really proud of the awesome vendors I have found at great prices!
Anything else you just feel like sharing...I agree with what was said early about finding vendors that work out of their house who are just starting out.  5 of my vendors are and their businesses are growing so much and they are so talented and so under priced compared to what they are worth!

sammichele

Who is paying for your wedding?

Most of it is being paid for by the FILs.  Basically they gave us a lump sum and I have been working to use that as our budget basically.  My parents have contributed on some big ticket things like our hall deposit and my dress, and I'm set on buying things like my accessories, our rings and engravings, and so on (don't really feel comfortable not paying for that stuff myself ).

What challenges has that brought on?

None really!  Things have gone very smoothly.  His parents are super understanding and mine will probably contribute a bit more when/if we need it.  Everyone has allowed us to make our own decisions which I really appreciate.

Would you spend $1,000,000 on your wedding if you could?

No way!  I would go on a super amazing honeymoon though  And buy a house!

Have you had to cut anything you really wanted because of budget issues?

Yes - I really wanted a photobooth and a videographer.  As luck has it though, FI has an aquaintance just starting out that might do video for us after all to use for her portfolio.  Hopefully that all works out.

Have you MacGyver-ed anything you're really proud of that saved you a ton of money?

I've couponed it up a bit here and there.  For those of you starting out, if you check out channel 4's best of detroit website you can find some hidden offers!  I got a free engagement session out of that  I also got a good deal on our florist (if he still exists?  I've been having trouble contacting him so who knows if this was a good deal) and we were able to negotiate with our officiant too.  And my dress was on sale, as I mentioned in a previous post - $200 off!  I guess I found a lot of deals...

Milsey32

Who is paying for your wedding? FI and I are paying 70%, my parents are paying 20%, his mom's paying 9%... and his dad's paying 1%

What challenges has that brought on? Reminding ourselves that saving for the marriage is more practical - and we don't absolutely NEED to spend money on this or that for the wedding itself

Would you spend $1,000,000 on your wedding if you could? Could I just keep it in my savings, instead?

Have you had to cut anything you really wanted because of budget issues? Nope, because from the get-go we knew we'd be budgeting [:

Have you MacGyver-ed anything you're really proud of that saved you a ton of money? Well, all of the vases we'll be using for our centerpieces we were able to get for free, along with cloth napkins. We also bought a Groupon for our STDs and another one for our invites. Not really MacGyver-ish.. but more like budget-friendly (We saved over $350)

Anything else you just feel like sharing... I'm going to go shower [: 

Meg1036

Who is paying for your wedding?  Mostly my parents.  They actually made it clear they would pay for the whole thing (up to a certain amount), but FI and I like feeling that we are contributing to some things.  His parents may be paying the liquor bill, and are doing the rehearsal dinner.

What challenges has that brought on?  My parents have been really hands-off, but we had to do a big song and dance to make FI's parents feel included in the rehearsal dinner, since they're paying for it.

Would you spend $1,000,000 on your wedding if you could? No, but if I really had it (i.e., was truly wealthy), I could see myself doing 100k.  I guess I say that because I've been to a 100k wedding, and would appreciate the opportunity to invite that many people, have awesome floral arrangements, etc.

Have you had to cut anything you really wanted because of budget issues?  "Really wanted?"  Not really.  I wish videographers that I like were less expensive those.  I could technically afford to hire one, but feel bad about how much the ones I like cost.

Have you MacGyver-ed anything you're really proud of that saved you a ton of money?  Not really - I'm just sort of short on time!  That said, I don't feel like we've "wasted" money on anything.

mrsbunyip

Who is paying for your wedding? Hubby and I are paying for everything on our own.  
What challenges has that brought on?  We can't afford certain things and have to do some serious shopping around for everything.  
Would you spend $1,000,000 on your wedding if you could? Never.  With that kind of money, I could buy 10 decent houses and rent them out.  That'd be $5,000 extra a month... Oooh I feel greedy.  Anyhoo, no.  

Have you had to cut anything you really wanted because of budget issues? Yes-- people, lighting, nicer appetizers.  A lot of it is more of us getting cheaper things rather than cutting it all out.  As long as I'm not sacrificing guests in order to have something ridiculous and pointless that only I care about.
Have you MacGyver-ed anything you're really proud of that saved you a ton of money? I had no idea what this meant until I read everyone else's posts.  We're really just shopping around and price-comparisons.  I am making spreadsheets of everything (photographers, venues, etc) and how much they cost, what they include, and hypothetical situations (if we go with Arnaldo's, we can go with this photographer, this baker, etc).
Anything else you just feel like sharing...

[Deleted User]

Who is paying for your wedding?  We're paying for most (75%-ish) and my parents are giving us a lump-sum, along with paying for my dress.  FMIL kinda-sorta implied that we may get some money towards the wedding, but we are planning as if that will not happen.  She is, however, paying for the rehearsal dinner.

What challenges has that brought on?  Actually, this hasn't been too much of a challenge.  We sat down and came up with a budget that would allow us to pay off our debt and save for the wedding...and it's working out great.  We'll be debt free by end-of-July and will have saved enough to pay for the wedding and honeymoon!  The only challenge, at first, was that FI got a little grumpy with how much the wedding is going to cost.  He's expectations were not realistic, though.

Would you spend $1,000,000 on your wedding if you could?
No way.  There are so many other things we could do with that money!

Have you had to cut anything you really wanted because of budget issues?  Not really...found lots of good deals, but haven't had to cut anything yet.

Have you MacGyver-ed anything you're really proud of that saved you a ton of money?  Thinking about doing our own invites. 

Anything else you just feel like sharing...groupon is your friend!

courtney1188

Who is paying for your wedding?  My parents have very generously offered to pay for all of the food and alcohol as well as my dress. Future in-laws offered an amount that will cover the band, photographer, and florist (but we have been very careful about picking pretty inexpensive vendors that I've heard good things about). We're covering the honeymoon, decor, invites, favors, officiant, and any other expenses that come up.

What challenges has that brought on?  There haven't really been any challenges. My parents know and appreciate that I'm being very careful about not spending more money than necessary.

Would you spend $1,000,000 on your wedding if you could?
Honestly? Yes. I would fly everyone to Disney World and have my dream wedding at the wedding pavilion, with an amazing reception and a dessert party during the Wishes fireworks show to top it all off.

Have you had to cut anything you really wanted because of budget issues?  I really really really want a videographer and a photobooth, but I don't think it's going to happen.

Have you MacGyver-ed anything you're really proud of that saved you a ton of money?  After falling in love with many $3 or $4 per invitation, I finall found my favorite that was only $150 for save the dates, invites, and response cards.

mybestfriendsfuturemrs

Who is paying for your wedding?  I am paying for the wedding. My mom and dad donated Skymiles for FI & I's flights to Hawaii and hotel accomodation on the 4 islands we are going to (we are taking a 17 day Honeymoon), FI is paying for car rentals, hopper planes to/from islands, excursions, gifts, food, etc while on Honeymoon, FI's mom is paying for the Rehearsal Dinner.

What challenges has that brought on?  Being budget friendly, working my butt off and doing a lot of research to still get what I want at a decent price.

Would you spend $1,000,000 on your wedding if you could?
Absolutely not.  I would love to take that to buy a house, a new car for FI & I, have kids, etc

Have you had to cut anything you really wanted because of budget issues? I wanted a photobooth and candy buffet but am doing without, not a big deal

Have you MacGyver-ed anything you're really proud of that saved you a ton of money?  I wanted a photo cardbox but didn't think I was talented enough to take the picture frames and screw them together without splitting the wood and other mishaps so I found a basketball trophy thing and made one out of that, instead of having 4 pictures it will only have 3 but it still spins. The picture doesn't show it with the top on it and the below picture is from when I first made it and just put my graduation picture in it to make sure it fit.

larzhope

Who is paying for your wedding? my parents are paying for most of it.  FI's parents gave us stamps for the RSVP cards, are making our cardbox, my veil, the table runners and will probably pay for the rehearsal dinner.  Fi and I are trying to slide things past my mom when she isn't paying attention so we can at least contribute a little
What challenges has that brought on? We didn't get a choice on whether we could contribute to our wedding - my parents said they were paying for it, or I coudl choose disownment.  While I am extremely appreciative that they are paying for it, my guest list would be a TON smaller and the whole wedding would be a little bit more intimate.  I've had to fight the "but we're paying" battle a number of times with them.
Would you spend $1,000,000 on your wedding if you could? no way. 
Have you had to cut anything you really wanted because of budget issues? no, my parents have a very inflated sense of how much a wedding costs and so they keep scolding me on being cheap... so if anything, they encourage the spending (which makes FI and I super uncomfortable, but not much we can do about it)
Have you MacGyver-ed anything you're really proud of that saved you a ton of money? I'm not really sure what this means... lol.  but our invites would've cost between 8-12 per invite had I bought them... and because we made them they are only going to cost about $2 per invite, so I'm pretty proud of that.
Anything else you just feel like sharing... I think it's easy for people to assume that because a bride/groom's family is paying for the wedding that they are a "spoiled brat"  It makes me cringe when people ask if my parents are helping because I know I"m being judged because we are not allowed to contribute to our wedding. It has also caused a LOT of arguments and hurt feelings throughout the course of the last 9 months and I'm sure there will be more.

Meg1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_bills-dads?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:2327a97a-2434-4277-a21e-188a4bad9226Post:9f915fdd-187f-439f-959f-748609e57633">Re: Bills and Dads...</a>:
[QUOTE] I think it's easy for people to assume that because a bride/groom's family is paying for the wedding that they are a "spoiled brat"  It makes me cringe when people ask if my parents are helping because I know I"m being judged because we are not allowed to contribute to our wedding. It has also caused a LOT of arguments and hurt feelings throughout the course of the last 9 months and I'm sure there will be more.
Posted by larzhope[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.  I think if you <em>expected</em> your parents to pay for the wedding and/or act entitled with their money, that is bratty behavior.  Graciously accepting a generous gift from your parents is not.

rcj2rcd

Who is paying for your wedding?
FI and I are covering 40% and his parents are covering the other 60%, plus showers and the rehearsal dinner.

What challenges has that brought on?
Mostly my own challenges. I've been absurdly independent my whole life...borrowing $5 from someone or letting someone pick up the dinner bill is very difficult for me...let alone feel okay with someone spending a ton of money on a wedding. I had a really hard time at first.

Would you spend $1,000,000 on your wedding if you could?
I'm really happy with our current wedding. It's everything I dreamed of as a little girl

However, if I won a huge lottery (like way more than $1mil) and had money to burn, then yes, I would fly everyone to FILs hometown in Italy and throw the biggest week-long wedding party extravaganza.

Have you had to cut anything you really wanted because of budget issues?
No, I've cut some things (photobooth), because since creating our original budget, I've changed my mind on what I want.

Have you MacGyver-ed anything you're really proud of that saved you a ton of money?
WIth as much as I've added to the wedding, I'm very proud of how we have kept the budget-actual variance under $3k.

Anything else you just feel like sharing...
I'd like to second PPs, in terms of the "spoiled brat" comments. I am so super lucky to have FIs parents help, but if I didn't have that or any $ of my own, then we would have an immediate-family-only ceremony and dinner at a restaurant and I would be equally as excited to marry FI.

I spend and allocate the wedding budget as if all of it was coming from my bank account. I do my research, negotiate, and have solid reasons for all of the expenses.

lcsnowflake

Who is paying for your wedding? FI and I are paying for the wedding, FILs paying for honeymoon and rehersal dinner and my parents threw us our shower and an e-party
What challenges has that brought on? It was difficult coming up with a budget for the wedding since the money paying for the wedding is coming from years of me working and saving.  I had a really hard time letting go of a big chunk of my savings and I let FI know it. I also made him feel bad about it.  In terms of other people's money: it was difficult to plan the honeymoon.  Since we didn't have a budget, it was hard to pick a place without feeling greedy.  In end- we didn't spend more than we would have paid for ourselves: that was a major consideration
Would you spend $1,000,000 on your wedding if you could? I'm a saver and would never spend that much on one day.  I would save most of it, but I would use some for a bigger/nicer wedding.  I also would love to take an extravagent honeymoon and spend more time traveling.
Have you had to cut anything you really wanted because of budget issues?  I really wanted a photobooth, but it will still be a great wedding without it.
Have you MacGyver-ed anything you're really proud of that saved you a ton of money? I made the invitations, which felt like it saved alot, but in the end, I'm not sure it saved as much as it seemed.  They turned out nice though and I'm happy I made them. 
Anything else you just feel like sharing...  I think that it is really interesting how many people seem ashamed that their parents are paying or helping.  I certainly don't think that you are spoiled.  My parents helped me through an expensive undergrad degree and supported me through my master's degree.  They made it clear since before I started dating FI that they were paying for school, but not for a wedding.  FI's parents were different and I have seen him struggle with debt, while his parents give us money for the wedding.  Parents have reasons for doing different things, just be gracious and appreciative!!! 

lmalear01

Who is paying for your wedding? Its a combination of everybody chipping in.  Some are giving more than others but my FI I set our budget based on what we can save in that amount of time with no help.

What challenges has that brought on? Guest list issues at first...but then it all smoothed out.  I am not close to a ton of my extended family and neither is my FI....So once we explained to our parents that it is more important to have people we know and see there than our first cousin who is 20 years older.  If I can't introduce the person to my fiance without my parents help...They don't need to be invited.  Parents finally agreed that it made sense.  Besides the guest list... some of the things we have chosen to do...raised a few eyebrows.  Neither one of our familys have had to put on a wedding... so things like photobooths and party buses seem a little crazy to them.

you spend $1,000,000 on your wedding if you could? No.  I would spend $100,000.  A million seems like a lot.  I don't think I could find that many things to spend money on.  I would definitely go all out with a full on cocktail hour in a separate room with music and top shelf liquor.  I would hire an ass kicking live band...and I would have a party until 2 am.   I would also have one of my dream venues...the crofoot or the henry ford!

Have you had to cut anything you really wanted because of budget issues?I really wanted colored linen and decided to opt out....and  I think I am about to get rid of my beautiful tree centerpieces.  I have them quoted.. .and they would be amazing...but really...who is going to remember them in a year besides me??? Its in the budget but I would love to be under budget or try to get my venue for another hour.

Have you MacGyver-ed anything you're really proud of that saved you a ton of money?  I wish I could... I am not crafty at all...It really bothers me.  I wanted to make my own centerpieces...but I am realistic!

Anything else you just feel like sharing..

I really wish it was at least summer if not October all ready!!