Meltdown

courtney1188

So for some reason, the last couple of days I am suddenly questioning every single wedding decision I have made and freaking out about it. Is this a normal thing that any of you have been through, or am I totally weird?

I can't even explain why, but I'm suddenly looking at the posts of vendor lists and doubting my location, photographer, dress, florist, band etc. For example, I chose my venue because I think it's a gorgeous building witha  neutral color scheme like I wanted and it wasn't crazy expensive. BUT it's in a community center. I had zero problem with this before, I've talked to people who had their weddings there and loved it, now all of the sudden I'm freaking. And I'm agonizing about how the other venue I was seriously considering is less expensive and I went into this wedding wanting to save money. But there was a reason I didn't pick them, and that is they couldn't return any of my e-mails or voicemails, after three weeks of trying to arrange a visit I gave up and decided I'd be nervous to have them in charge of my wedding.


I wanted really cheap flowers since I don't care that much about flowers. Then I fell in love with manzanita branches, pomanders, peonies, and ranunculus. Now I'm spending 1100 on bouquets and centerpieces.

After typing this out I'm realizing that the giant knot in my stomach is definitely rooted in financial worries. Which is a bit silly since my parents are paying for the hall, food, and my dress, and FI's parents chipped in enough to pay the band, florist, and over half of the photographer. But I was having a discussion with my FI about how I wanted the nicer photography package, and he asked how much the wedding was costing anyways. And I added it up and oh my gosh. It's really not outrageous, a bit below average if anything. But I'm now experiencing a tremendous amount of guilt about spending all this money on one day.

But I WANT this one day. I want to have a great, nice wedding reception. And that is what my parents want too. In fact, whenever I try to go cheaper on something they're paying for, they typically encourage not to because they want it to be nice. But the last couple days I've just felt incredibly overwhelmed by the whole thing My FI really isn't helping at all, and that makes it a lot more difficult. If he showed even 5% as much interest in the wedding as he does about playing his guitar, I would be estatic.



Sorry girls I just needed to vent. I'm going to have a talk with FI tomorrow, I don't think he realizes how I'm feeling about all this. Hopefully I can find a way to get him to understand. When I've tried to explain it before he's just like oh you're too stressed, let's just elope. Dude, I want a wedding, I've been super excited about planning a nice wedding. I just need HELP.

missmelanie81

Im sure we will all do this. I havnt...YET...but I can see myself doing it. I want to say, that your venue was our #2 pick. I think you made a great choice, and all the pictures of weddings Ive seen there have been gorgouse!

Milsey32

I'm stressing out about picking vendors too, because of financial reasons, as much as I like to save money and whatnot, I want this ONE DAY that will make memories that last a lifetime and I don't want it to look cheap looking or whatever... So I definitely get where you're coming from girl. I'm glad you'll talk to your FI and hopefully he can be more reassuring that it'll turn out GREAT and I'm sure your venue is wonderful [: 

sammichele

This definitely happened to me when I first came to the knot and saw so many weddings that I knew we wouldn't be able to afford.  I just had to keep looking positive and know that every budget and every taste is different, and our wedding will be unique to us. I know it's hard, but don't compare yourself to what you see in pictures.  You chose those vendors for a reason, and your wedding will be beautiful and unique to you.  At the end of the day, all of those little details preserved in the pictures won't matter as much as your marriage.

zulamay

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_meltdown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:3379a71d-6555-4b7c-a9c1-1871dae1818dPost:86779338-6196-4530-9932-ca7caa1f2f31">Meltdown</a>:
[QUOTE]So for some reason, the last couple of days I am suddenly questioning every single wedding decision I have made and freaking out about it. Is this a normal thing that any of you have been through, or am I totally weird? [/QUOTE]

<div>I really saw myself in this post! :)  Yes, I have done this.  Actually you can see a series of posts by me freaking about the dress, doubting flowers, and probably everything else.  I really went through about a month of being like "did I pick the right venue?" and complaining that the room was too yellow.   That's when I took a step back from the wedding.  I stopped looking at the "Style Me Pretty" blog because it causes major wedding envy and I'm pretty sure all the weddings on there cost about $50,000.  I stopped reading Bridal mags and limit my reading on the Knot to this board and the DIY community.  And you know what?  I feel better. A lot, lot better.  The wedding is supposed to reflect you and your FI.  So, take a deep breath and step back.  It's going to be ok, and it sounds like everyone is staying within their financial means.  Weddings of any average size cost a lot, and there's very little way around paying that amount without DIY the whole thing.  Don't feel guilty.  Take this as a sign you have a level head on your shoulders and you aren't going insane with unnecessary purchases.</div><div>
</div><div>And, here's a hug! </div>

bee&bee

I know what you mean.  I wanted our wedding to be different than all the others I've been to and the more I look at things the more I see others using flowers and ideas that I wanted and suddenly I felt everything needed to be changed because i wasn't special to just us.  Well, news flash to me, I will never find things, flowers, ideas that have not been done before or used by others. (I actually ran across a fellow knottie who had the dress I bought). 

What helped was not looking so much at the other boards, I stopped looking at magazines so much unless I'm looking for something specific and just focused on my FI and I and what we want and like.  It will be different because it's us getting married!! 

LOTON01

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_meltdown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:3379a71d-6555-4b7c-a9c1-1871dae1818dPost:86779338-6196-4530-9932-ca7caa1f2f31">Meltdown</a>:
[QUOTE] But I'm now experiencing a tremendous amount of guilt about spending all this money on one day. But I WANT this one day.Posted by courtney1188[/QUOTE]

I understand feeling overwhelmed by the amount of money however it doesn't sound like you are putting yourself in debt which is a great thing. I am spends a lot of money on my wedding in fact a lot of people would say I am spending to much. However, even though it is one day it is one of the most important days of your life. I only plan on doing this once and I want my dream day. I think if you aren't putting your self in debt and you can afford it then do it. I don't want to look back and say I wish I had more pictures or something like that.

courtney1188

Thanks girls, your responses really helped. I think I may need to take a bit of a break though, I check the wedding websites almost obsessive compulsively and I think it's just reaching the point where I'm becoming overloaded with ideas and choices.

I'm very grateful for my mom. She's been asking me a million questions about what the shower should be like. Today my eyes started to water because I was seriously just about to lose it if I had to make one more decision. And she was like, "I can just be in charge of this and contact your BMs and figure this all out. You can just show up. Is that what you want?" I was so relieved. Thank god she gets it.