Just venting...but why are some Knotties so mean????

mikeynkrib2011

Ok, so I've been lurking around the boards and found that I really like the locals...waaaaaaaaaay nicer.

However, some of the other boards are full of a lot of opinionated people who say really mean things!

they aren't even directed towards me, but i feel compelled to stick up for the poor people who just get slammed by judements!!!

has anybody else noticed the same thing?  i know i shouldn't care...yet i do! 

ARRRRGH, mean people = yuck!

emarston1

I assume you are mainly talking about the Ettiquette and Snarky Brides boards.  Honestly, I felt the same way when I first started posting but after lurking a little more, I realized that they actually aren't as mean as they may seem.

They are extremely sarcastic and unapologetically honest about things which can come across as mean and b!tchy.  However, if you look past this they are generally giving great, honest advice.  They don't sugarcoat it but it is great advice.

Generally the people they 'flame' are brides that have it coming.  If you come across as a spoiled brat in your OP, they aren't going to be nice.  If you have a genuine, honest question and are looking for honest opinions, they will be extremely helpful.  Their responses completely depend on the OP and how they present themselves.

They absolutely do not validate bad ideas or those that violate proper ettiquette (as some local and month boards may.)  But think about it, if you post on an ettiquette board, don't you expect ettiquette advice rather than just expecting people to agree with your idea?

Personally, I would rather know if one of my ideas was bad before I did it.  I would rather have people I don't know (and won't ever meet) tell me my idea is crap rather than donig something extremely rude to my friends and family.

And I would discourage you from trying to defend the OP because this will only get you flamed.  Don't try to change them or call them out for being b!tches because it won't change anything and you will only get your ass handed to you.

If you don't like the board, don't read it.  That's the beauty of the knot.  It has plenty of boards for everyone and you don't have to engage in anything you don't want to.

rcj2rcd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_just-ventingbut-knotties-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:3687b1c6-096f-4d93-9fcd-a9dfe8993f11Post:304603bf-befa-45c8-bf9f-c88c4fc44db3">Re: Just venting...but why are some Knotties so mean????</a>:
[QUOTE]And I would discourage you from trying to defend the OP because this will only get you flamed.  Don't try to change them or call them out for being b!tches because it won't change anything and you will only get your ass handed to you. If you don't like the board, don't read it.  That's the beauty of the knot.  It has plenty of boards for everyone and you don't have to engage in anything you don't want to.
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

I agree 100% - TK is great because there are boards for every type. Whether or not the OP has it coming, they posted and put their opinion out there and they will most likely get an honest opinion in return.

mikeynkrib2011

i guess that being a social worker, i just try to give constructive criticism and have learned that the best way to provide this is to make someone understand a different point of view without making them feel like a crap arse person or taking personal jabs at them.

i disagree with people being so sarcastic because i think it's demeaning and not at all helpful.  i can't change the way they act, i was just frustrated with people not having a sense of remorse for saying whatever comes to their mind.

and i don't mind being flamed by them either............i can hold my own! 

emarston1

I don't mean this the way it's going to sound but here it goes (and feel free to call me mean or a b!tch, although on locals, that's usually frowned upon...)

As you have a right to respond how you want, so do they.  You aren't going to change people about the sarcasm thing.  While you may disagree with it, nothing they said violated the rules of posting on the boards, so they didn't do anything wrong.  There were no personal jabs in the Wedding Party post (which I assume prompted this vent in the first place.)  Personal attacks are not allowed and there were no personal jabs.  If you took it personally that's entirely different than it being personal.

The way I see it, you have 2 options:

1.  Continue reading the "big" boards and get frustrated with the posters.  Try to change them and get frustrated when it doesn't work.
2.  Don't read them.

The choice is yours (very ominous!)  If it bothers you so much (and it seems to since you wrote a new post venting about it) just don't expose yourself to it.  I would also sugest lurking a bit longer to get a feel for the board.

Now that that is out of the way, Hi!  Welcome to the Detroit board!  Tell us more about yourself and your fiance.  I see your wedding is in a couple months, Nervous, excited?  What all do you have left to do?  Where is it at?  What does your dress look like (do you have a picture)?  How did you meet your fiance?  How did he propose?  We love details!

amyn1919

I agree!!! I think some people forget the real reason we all come to these boards...to get help and assistance on our weddings. To be rude and insulting to someone I don't know is jsut not in my nature. An opinion is one thing, but you can state your opinion and not be rude...it's very easy, i do it all the time!

mikeynkrib2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_just-ventingbut-knotties-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:3687b1c6-096f-4d93-9fcd-a9dfe8993f11Post:db1114a2-24f8-422b-a609-a60d8fc3e075">Re: Just venting...but why are some Knotties so mean????</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't mean this the way it's going to sound but here it goes (and feel free to call me mean or a b!tch, although on locals, that's usually frowned upon...) As you have a right to respond how you want, so do they.  You aren't going to change people about the sarcasm thing.  While you may disagree with it, nothing they said violated the rules of posting on the boards, so they didn't do anything wrong.  There were no personal jabs in the Wedding Party post (which I assume prompted this vent in the first place.)  Personal attacks are not allowed and there were no personal jabs.  If you took it personally that's entirely different than it being personal. The way I see it, you have 2 options: 1.  Continue reading the "big" boards and get frustrated with the posters.  Try to change them and get frustrated when it doesn't work. 2.  Don't read them. The choice is yours (very ominous!)  If it bothers you so much (and it seems to since you wrote a new post venting about it) just don't expose yourself to it.  I would also sugest lurking a bit longer to get a feel for the board. Now that that is out of the way, Hi!  Welcome to the Detroit board!  Tell us more about yourself and your fiance.  I see your wedding is in a couple months, Nervous, excited?  What all do you have left to do?  Where is it at?  What does your dress look like (do you have a picture)?  How did you meet your fiance?  How did he propose?  We love details!
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]


hahaha, was that my hazing initiation????  i'm really just kidding, you were nice about it and it's def worth thinking about.  anyhow, i want to hear everybodys story...i'm starting a new, positive thread!

zantster

Hey mikey I know where you're coming from.  But as long as you're someone with half a brain and as you said, can hold your own, then you will earn respect regardless of whether they actually agree with your POV or not. 

The constructive criticism actually makes you look yourself in the mirror and see if you've really considered everything when making these important decisions.

But, the main thing is to stay calm, don't get emotional and huffy like some people who in the words of Jack Nicholson, "can't handle the truth," and stick up for your POV using intelligence.  You'll be surprised how the people who seem like the meanest bully on the playground will back right off when confronted with plain old fashioned smarts.

Sue-n-Kevin

Welcome! I agree, there are boards that are fairly nasty. To be honest, because of my age and the fact that I do a lot of DIY, I just read the posts where I think I can be helpful or offer suggestions..........a LOT of my job is online research, plus I've found pretty much everything online for my wedding, between the local board and others, so I help out.

You can always come here and feel secure. I do.

lcsnowflake

I agree the local boards seem more friendly, but I think that is because they feel more like a community.  The other boards can be very helpful despite sometimes coming across offensive.  The biggest thing that I have learned during wedding planning (and even from posting on TK) is that not everyone is going to like what you do!  People have strong opinions on lots of WR things and sometimes you just have to stick to your guns.  I read the sticky post on the favors board about how tacky it can be to give a donation instead of favors.  I'm glad I read it because it give me another POV, but i'm still sticking with the donation.  At least I am aware of how guests may feel, but I have my reasons for wanting to give a donation.  Sometimes it might be good to take the things people are saying with a grain of salt.  Ultimately it is what you an your FI want for your wedding. 

Also- another important thing I learned- don't ask for advice if you don't actually want to hear what people say.  This might not apply to you, but I think once you are on these boards enough, you see alot of brides doing this and it gets old after awhile (although I have done it here before).

Welcome!!!

jhawthorne85

LET ME TELL YOU!

I will not go on my wedding month wedding board anymore, the girls on there are IDIOTS!!

I asked for advice on what to do about a bridesmaid that wants to change the dress, and i got called a bridezilla...WHAT IS THAT? A girl isnt allowed to change her mind apparantely.

I like to relate to Michigan brides more, it feels more real.

shadow0304

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_just-ventingbut-knotties-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:3687b1c6-096f-4d93-9fcd-a9dfe8993f11Post:6fddfd43-f92a-4a03-817c-2aaafbb7afe5">Re: Just venting...but why are some Knotties so mean????</a>:
[QUOTE]I read the sticky post on the favors board about how tacky it can be to give a donation instead of favors.  I'm glad I read it because it give me another POV, but i'm still sticking with the donation.  At least I am aware of how guests may feel, but I have my reasons for wanting to give a donation.  Posted by lcsnowflake[/QUOTE]

I noticed the same thing during my planning and my month board... I was venting once about my shower situation just to vent and got called a spoiled brat (um, i'm 35), and all these other things, other girls jumped on the bandwagon of the "ring leader's" comments and it turned me off to that board. So when they wonder why there's no activity on there, well, because they reminded me of clique-y mean girls.

And other topics can get shredded - donations vs. favors, honeymoon registries, etc etc. Just do what you want and use the boards as a guide to a degree.

The Detroit Knotties however, are always nice :)

Milsey32

Reppin' Deeeeeeeetroit.. I know I like constructive criticism and appreciate blunt opinions that family and friends may not give me. Don't take anything in life too seriously.. nobody gets out alive anyway.