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Michigan-Detroit

TMI Tuesday

I know that this is technically against Knot rules so please don't mention any boards names well discussing.

When on the Knot do you hold back sometimes so you don't ruffle any feathers or do you just tell it like it is?
Have you ever felt attacked on the knot?
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Re: TMI Tuesday

  • When on the Knot do you hold back sometimes so you don't ruffle any feathers or do you just tell it like it is? I've found I tell it like it is, but in a very gentle way. I go to many boards frequently, like DIY and Budget, because I made a lot of stuff, and have like 30 years of crafts experience. Also the Flower board and Food & Cakes because I've had a garden, and been making food for over 30 years too, LOL.

    It's easy to tell about how old each original poster is, and I'm absolutely AMAZED that people ask strangers for advice on colors, dresses, etc: I'm not saying they ask about what color goes with what, but basically asking strangers to make decisions for them about how their wedding should BE........planning a wedding is a very personal thing, and I often wonder if people can't make a decision about what their wedding should be like, how are they mature enough to GET MARRIED?


    Have you ever felt attacked on the knot? I think the only thing anyone ever took exception to was when I've responded to brides asking if using your printer to print the addresses on the outside of your invitations is ok........it's truly an etiquette question, and there are some VERY STRONG opinions about that on the various boards. I actually checked Martha Stewart's wedding website and she felt it was ok.......but then I was told that Martha Stewart is the LAST PERSON to take etiquette advice from. Oh well, I guess she made millions by offering poor advice. Whatever. The funny thing is I actually have pretty nice handwriting, but wanted the entire invitation suite/set to be uniform in appearance.


  • I won't touch questions about getting married at the courthouse/"real" wedding later with a 10-foot pole.  I love me some board drama, but people get NASTY on that topic and it stops being entertaining for me.

    One one of my first posts, I asked an etiquette-related question about our date and was flooded with a series of responses regarding a detail I had randomly icluded in my post as backstory - the fact that we weren't "engaged" yet.  In the sense that we had each mentioned that we wanted to get married and even theorized on when and how we might like to, but that he hadn't actually proposed yet (and wanted to). 

    I was told very bluntly (many times over) that (a) we WERE engaged, and I was just going to have to suck it up and accept that it had happened, even if I hadn't gotten exactly the romantic proposal I wanted; and (b) that we were being incredibly rude by not telling our family that we were engaged right now.

    I explained that this was a matter of semantics for us  - that people get engaged in many ways, but that DH himself didn't feel like WE would really be "engaged' until the question was specifically asked by one of us and answered by the other.  And that, therefore, we were waiting to refer to ourselves as "engaged" until that happened.  And that we barely ever see our families, so it wasn't like we were keeping information from them - we were just waiting until it was "official" to let them know.

    The overall feeling I got from the resulting posts was that everyone on that board thought we were extra-rude and moronic and were too irresponsible to get married.  I don't know that I specifically felt like I was being "attacked," but I definitely felt like I had wandered into an unwelcoming home where the inhabitants were more interested in building up solidarity between themselves (at the expense of outsiders) than of actually getting to know those outsiders. 
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  • I either type my opinion or hold back completely by not responding. 
    And TK hasn't had too many personal attacks against me, but then again... I don't really care. Sometimes it's annoying because I don't necessarily feel 'threatened' but I feel like I may not be able to go back to a certain board for awhile if I was bashed or something before. 

    Melissa - That's silly about the being engaged thing, imo. I think majority of couples have talked about their futures before officially "popping the question".

    Sue -- I consider you Martha Stewart, so now I'm letting you know that it's a compliment even if she's not the person to look to for etiquette or whatever. Oh and I will defend people asking wedding planning questions to strangers simply because I know NOTHING about EVERYTHING and wanted to know what people would think of this or that from a guest's perspective. I planned and paid for almost everything myself and I think it turned out pretty good but I definitely asked questions on TK or else I'd be lost. I love being a host to guests but wedding planning was more of "what color tablecloths should I get and how big should centerpieces be?" because I've never had to think about those things and when people say "well what do you think looks good?" to me, it's difficult for me to answer because I honestly do not care BUT I wanted a somewhat "fancy" wedding since it's an important day and whatnot. Soooo yeahh... 


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  • When on the Knot do you hold back sometimes so you don't ruffle any feathers or do you just tell it like it is? Sometimes I just don't post or hold back.  There have been a few times where I want to call someone the biggest moron ever but I know I shouldn't.

     Have you ever felt attacked on the knot?
    I think when I first joined, like Sue and MT, I asked one of those semi-obvious ettiquite questions and totally got reemed on for it.  Looking back at it, an obvious answer was kinda there.

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  • I tend to just stay out of the messy posts and stick to giving answers that are polite and relevant. There are definitely times where I have wanted to jump into an argument when I really disagree, but usually a ton of people have already posted their opinions on the matter and I just don't feel like arguing.

    And yeah, there have been a few times I've felt like ladies have gotten pretty uppity, but I don't like conflict so I just let it go.
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  • I thought of this question because last week I was involved in a discussion on a  different board that I eventually backed myself out of. It was getting ugly and everything I wanted to say would have just made it uglier.

    Sometimes I fell like people should follow the rule that if you have nothing nice to say than say nothing at all. I think we all have been in a situation were you read something and could absolutely write something catty and rude but generally chose not to. I guess I am just surprised at home many people write these types of comments without ever stopping to think.

    I have never been attacked on here before but I think that is because I have seen it happen to so many people that I never write anything that might even come close to getting me attacked.
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  • When on the Knot do you hold back sometimes so you don't ruffle any feathers or do you just tell it like it is?
    There is so much that I dont know in terms of etiquette, that if I'm not 100%, I wont say anything at all. Usually the other ladies attack first ;) j/k I actually do enjoy reading alot of those boards because it's usually a good explanation of why it's "not right"

    Have you ever felt attacked on the knot?
    I actually personally knew another knottie and they frequenty attacked many of my posts---so I didn't start posting again until recently. Even if I just gave my opinion to a post- mine was attacked. It was just fun and games for them, but I was a bit bummed I couldn't post freely.
  • In Response to Re: TMI Tuesday:
    When on the Knot do you hold back sometimes so you don't ruffle any feathers or do you just tell it like it is? Sometimes I just don't post or hold back.  There have been a few times where I want to call someone the biggest moron ever but I know I shouldn't.  Have you ever felt attacked on the knot? I think when I first joined, like Sue and MT, I asked one of those semi-obvious ettiquite questions and totally got reemed on for it.  Looking back at it, an obvious answer was kinda there.
    Posted by MMRoberts11
    Eye to Eye Megan!  It also depends on the board on how open I will be about my opinions and how I phrase them.

    Have I ever felt attacked?
    I replied in a thread once and used the phrase "chalk full" when it was supposed to be "chock full" and someone quoted it and wrote "ENGLISH FAIL."  I thought it was unnecessary but whatever.  I generally don't take things people say on the internet too seriously.

    I also think part of the reason people feel attacked is because they want validation more than they want actual opinions.  If you don't want to hear people's honest opinions, stay off the internet.  I personally would rather hear my idea sucks from a bunch of strangers than potentially do something extremely rude to my friends and family.  I admit I didn't know a lot about etiquette when I first started planning my wedding, so I found the boards extremely helpful in that regard.  But I do think that people do go overboard at times and think it's unnecessary.
  • Yes and Yes (but not on this particular board).
  • Like Liz said, I think that a lot of people post wanting validation rather than opinions.  Because of that, I usually keep my mouth closed in situations regarding people's relationships.  At least once or twice a month, I read a post on TK  that makes me absolutely certain that that person's relationship is a horrorshow and that they would be a moron to marry this person (usually, this is unrelated to the actual question they're asking, but is due to some side statement about the FI's behavior or their own).  But I don't believe that anyone actually joins TK hoping to be told NOT to get married, so unless someone seems to be in actual danger, I go by the "if you can't say anything nice..." policy.

    But in areas where I believe that someone is being rude or just an *sshole, I will often speak up.  I go by the theory that we as a society have a responsibility not to encourage *sshole behavior, because it means that behavior gets repeated and makes our world more unpleasant for everyone, step by step.  If no one ever calls out Uncle Bubba on his racist comments, he'll keep making them.  But if we make a gentle comment about how inappropriate it is every time he says it, eventually he'll probably stop just out of sheer annoyance - at least in public. 

    So if someone says or suggests something really rude or mean, I'll usually say something, simply because I feel like they'll take an absence of negative comments as validation that they were right in behaving that way.  I always go out of my way to make that comment politely and logically, though.  I don't understand those people who seem to find glee in just shouting names at someone because they disagree with them.  And if several other people have already voiced my opinion, I won't usually bother adding my statement to theirs just to make it a hatefest.
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