Grooms involvement

sdomi639

Does anyone have any idea on how to motivate a groom during the planning process?? 

Midgette

I didn't have to. 

He was involved in every decision 100% without me asking. (except for my dress)

What do you want him more involved in?

It really depends, some guys could care less about the flowers or table linens. 

Is it something specific?

chrisnjay2010

dont force him to participate, it will only make him hate the planning even more. Why dont you ask him if there is anything specific he wants to be involved in.

The only thing my DH cared about was food and music.  I would run things by him, but most of the time he didn't care.

nybride10

i didnt force dh to participate.. he was involved in everything except for anything that had to do with my personal dress and beauty. 

TerriandJoe

It drove me nuts with the "i don't care / whatever you want" attitude. But he was studing for a test right after we got engaged, so it helped if I did preliminary research.

Anyway,

My dress, etc was all me.

Tux style - was all him.

Vests (for all the guys) we discussed together.

Flowers - I asked if he was ok with roses.

BM color - I asked if burgandy was ok.

Limo - we discussed alot.

DJ / Photo / Video / Reception hall/ invitations - I did the initial reseach. Narrowed down to my top picks and DH selected from there. (Except with reception hall, the places that I liked and he liked we brought my parents)

Menu - we discussed alot

Cake / ceremony readings - I let him decide. They were really the only items he wanted specific anyway.

Ceremony music - we decided together

Reception entrance song - I let him decide. Great decision and our DJ did a great job o making it happen!

Reecption music - we decided together

See what your FI cares about the most: Cars/ Music / Food, etc. The day is about him too! Some guys want to be more involved than others. Some will let you decide every detail. Find a happy medium that works for you.

Good luck!

MYLOVE315

My FI is involved in it all. The last thing I want is for me to go and make a decision and then have him go off on how much $ I spent (teehee) I know me. Did I have to tell him and times to step it up a notch. Sure. I said if we're in this together then I can't be playing his assistant lining everything up and him just showing up.

Certain things I don't mind doing (its the organizer in me) he basically is picking out the food, he picked one reading I picked the other. He gets to pick our entrance song to the reception and  I get to pick our processional song after the ceremony.
I did an excel spreadsheet of all our guests...I had all my addresses in a nano second...I had to ask him 3 times for his. By the 3rd time I asked I used my ahemmm "tone" w/ him. Next thing I noticed it was on his to do list and I got the address. So yeah ya gotta poke em and prod em sometimes.

 So I would "confront" your FI in a nice way to say look what part do you want to play in this besides showing up on the wedding day?  It seems like its bothering you so I would def let him know its upsetting you and he's got to show more interest in the day that's about THE BOTH OF YOU and not just one of you. 

Let us know how it works out...but communicate it to him. That is key :-)

JSweetieXO

Mine has been involved also without having to say anything. I think it's annoying if a groom doesn't want to be involved. They asked to marry you so they should want to help plan the wedding.

MYLOVE315

*Sdomi639*
As you can see everybody's FI / personality is different. I don't think his actions or lack thereof means he loves you any less.

Its the same old story even vendors do it -plenty of vendors kept directing things to me and me only and I was like heyyy what about the groom its not just all about me.
It's like their still old fashioned about it being allll about the bride.

In your FI's defense...Your FI  probably just doesnt know where or what he can bring to the planning. Just pose questions and ask what do you like or want etc etc.

Quite honestly I wouldn't have gotten thru most of my planning if it wasn't for my FI's point of view. It can get overwhelming. Even picking out flowers was difficult for me!! I knew I liked roses but when the florist was talking well you can have this for this price and if we add this the price goes to this and you can always add that. At that point I just shut down. My eyeballs were popping out of my head like a cartoon character. Thankfully I just looked at my FI and said you know the colors I like I don't know to do? He sorted it all out and basically he picked all the flowers for the wedding while adding everything up in his head. I think it made him feel good that he was able to come to the rescue and he's done it over and over again.  Is he perfect no, but when I would say hey I need you to handle this he was more then happy to do so. And in my FI's defense my brain runs 100 miles a minute. I always want things done yesterday. He's a laid back kind of guy and gets things done in his time - which he brought to my attention <gulp /> in the end it'll allllll get done :-)  It's the ying and yang of a relationship.

So I wanted to post this because I just hope you're not down over it?
Just cut your guy some slack and see when you communicate to him how you'd like him to be more involved what he comes back with? Then if he's less then enthusastic we can tackle that issue.

Just my 2 cents for what it's worth. I'm sure its hard to take in hearing how everyone's FI has been involved while your sitting there saying wtf how come mine isn't? I bet you he'll come around ...... in his own way.

Take good care & I hope for you it all goes the way you want it to!

Jenni83

Mine was somewhat involved,he helped pick our ceremony reading,the first dance,the food menu,the candy station & the favors,the honeymoon.

he wasnt involved in the girly stuff like,the flowers or the invitations or the choosing of the venue but that was bc it was always my dream to get married at Catlin Gardens and he thought the place was beautiful so he let me make that decision.

rblucy

I think every groom is different.  Some are involved a lot, some very minimally.  He may be staying out if it because he feels this is "your" day and wants you to be happy.  DH was involved in picking the reception hall, the food, the music, honeymoon, and his wedding band.  For the ceremony I selected a few readings and out of those he chose 1 for his aunt and I chose 1 for my aunt.  Certain things he didn't care about as long as I was generally on budget i.e. flowers, invitations, all beauty stuff.  Honestly, I wouldn't really want his input on those things

sdomi639

Thanks everyone.  I think that he has been feeling a little confused because he isnt sure of his role and doesn't want to overstep boundaries (he must be scare of me becoming a bridezilla) haha.  Hes good now.  I spoke to him and let him know that his opinion is just as important as mine and that I want this experience to be between the both of us, so he feels better.  Thanks for all the awesome advice!

Kris0816

Just ask him! Mine is more than happy to be involved and helps out. I have not made a decision without him yet, other than my dress.

probablykate

Glad you were able to work it out - it's amazing how much simply bringing something up can help!

Riss91

My husband enjoyed wedding planning, which made things much easier on me! But I would recommend getting him involved once you've narrowed down the options to 3 or 4. For instance, my husband would have been completely overwhelmed if I asked him "what font do you like for the invites?" and he had to go through a million on his own. But, narrowing it down to a handlful made it much easier. Especially with those things that are not as important to your groom.

I would recommend asking him which things he is interested in taking on the initial research and planning - maybe the DJ, limo, hotel block....and have him come up with 3 options for you to pick from.

I also did not bother him with very girly things - he doesn't care about what color ribbon I used on the favors, etc. If you have him involved in too many little decisions, he might be more likely to tune out completely.