Massachusetts-Boston

shower invite question

so. i was asked to compile a list of people that i would like to invite to my shower, since it is being thrown by one of FI's family members and they don't really know my family or who is who. anyway... i didn't include any out of state family members (especially ones that i am not close to, as in, i only talk to you at every other christmas when you come to town and visit)... now, i got a lot of flack about not wanting to send them an invite. i just felt uncomfortable... it was like "hi, i know i don't really ever talk to you except for once a year, and i know you'd never be able to make it out here for a two hour brunch two weeks before my wedding, but i still want you to know i'm having this party where people give me presents." i don't want people to feel like i want or need presents for them, seeing as we're not really close. am i nuts? i feel like maybe i am being perceived as nuts. what is the general etiquette with shower invites and out of town guests?

Re: shower invite question

  • edited December 2011
    I handed my list over to my mom.  She nixed the OOT family.  I had already nixed the OOT friends of mine and FI.  Even if you send the invite, worse case is they would decline.
    As it was, half of FI's family that is IN state didn't even RSVP for mine because they "didn't know" who it was for.   Weirdos.  They got the wedding invite before the shower invites went out.  Sorry for the rant...I don't think I was much help lol
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  • megandjaymegandjay
    1000 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I think it just depends. But I did not invite OOT family and only a few friends that I thought would come.

    I am of the school that it is rude to invite someone that you know isn't going to come. Showers are supposed to be small, for your closest friends and family.

    However, I don't think that guest lists are worth a battle over, so in your case I would prob just give in and invite whomever they wanted.
  • normonnormon
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the others that it makes sense not to invite people who wouldn't be able to come.  I don't even know my fiance's side of the list and we're not even inviting them.  It's entirely women from my side of the list, his sister in law and his college age niece.  My fiance agrees with this.  But like meganandjay said, pick your battles and maybe you'd rather let this one go.  Good luck.    
  • edited December 2011
    For my shower, we had to send invites to people who we knew who wouldn't come but they would be really hurt if they didn't receive an invite. Mostly these people were older and family of FMIL and she swore to me that these people wouldn't think I was gift hunting. 

    I'd hate to offend anyone so I just said it was fine to send an invite... sometimes it's easier just to give in.
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