Rehearsal Dinner Seating Question

missymae777

How would you handle this?  Both my FI & I have parents who have split & remarried and he is worried about what happened at his sister's rehearsal dinner, as follows.  At my FSIL's rehearsal dinner, she sat her Dad, her Dad's wife & Dad's wife's children (from a previous marriage), then her Mom, her Mom's husband, etc...  Apparently, FMIL was so upset and being sat farther down the line than her ex-husbands' new wife's children that she eventually left the dinner in tears.  This is quite out of character for FMIL as she is a very  happy-go-lucky gal who rarely causes drama.  This situation, however, apparently means a lot (see, two words!) to her and we would like to not repeat it.

FI is planning to tell give his Dad a heads up to let him know that we'll be seating FMIL before wife #2's children at the RD so there will be no surprises.  I'm don't really have a good solution for this... is it okay to sit a 10 yo & a 5 yo away from their parents?  They would end up next to FSIL who would likely have no issue with keeping an eye on them.  The children are not in the wedding as they were in FSIL's, but as they are all coming from out of town, we thought it best to have everyone there.

Your thoughts?

kikibaby

That is convoluted as all get out, so the only part I can answer is no, it's no ok to seat a 10 & 5 year old away from their parents.  FSIL shouldn't have to watch them, and they will probably want to sit by mom and dad, especially the 5 yo.

I am really failing to understand the drama here, though.

ohwhynot

I'm not really sure why people need to be "seated" for the rehearsal dinner.  Maybe just skip the whole thing by having a more informal dinner & letting folks sit wherever they want? 

squirrly

Just don't have a head table at the RD.  Have smaller round tables and they each can have their own, equidistant from your FI.  Problem solved.

maggyruth

Why don't you guys sit in the middle of the table and arrange from that point?

Kati0105

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-seating-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0edc7516-9e14-4969-83f1-d0eb6603157dPost:55a7de02-d315-47ac-b731-b787e4a47075">Re: Rehearsal Dinner Seating Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not really sure why people need to be "seated" for the rehearsal dinner.  Maybe just skip the whole thing by having a more informal dinner & letting folks sit wherever they want? 
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

Yeah, this.  We had two sets of divorced parents and they just sat wherever they wanted, as did everyone else.  They also all acted like grownups so it wasn't an issue at all.

whitneykaye87

I agree with Ohwhynot.  There is no sense in making a big deal out of seating for the RD.  Just let people figure it out for themselves, and then if people get miffed about where they sit it's not your fault.

If you ignore the drama and act like it's not a big deal (trust us, it's not), people will follow your lead.

missymae777

Hopefully no drama, just don't want FMIL to be upset or have a repeat of the tears & walking out during dinner episode.  I'd not even begun to think about the whole seating thing yet so really no idea what's 'done'... I do like the informal sit wherever you like' idea though.   I also may talk to the restaurant about alternates to thier usual long tables.  Thanks for your input!

hayleymajayley

why don't you just seat your FMIL before the ex husbands family instead of in the middle of it?

FutureMrsDudley55

I think people should be allowed to sit wherever they would like for the RD.

missymae777

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-seating-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0edc7516-9e14-4969-83f1-d0eb6603157dPost:55978589-1988-4caf-8e78-b3b44f641b32">Re: Rehearsal Dinner Seating Question</a>:
[QUOTE]why don't you just seat your FMIL before the ex husbands family instead of in the middle of it?
Posted by hayleymajayley[/QUOTE]

That's a very good question.  Forgive me if this is super naive, but I thought that (traditionally, anyways) since FFIL is hosting the dinner (his offer) that he sat next to the groom on his side.   I'm not really sure I care, lol... I just don't wanna piss anyone off if I can help it.  I'm leaning towards free-for-all at this point or maybe as PP suggested, strarting in the middle.  As long as it wouldn't tick off anyone else, I'm also liking sitting FMIL prior to FFIL. 

Thanks for all these great ideas, I appreciate it!

luckyone08_7774238

I'm with everyone else, don't go with formal seating. The rehearsal dinner is nowhere near as formal as the ceremony or anything like that. Just have an open seating chart and let everyone mingle and sit where they wish. That way your FSIL won't be obligated to watch the kids and your FMIL won't be upset about where she was seated.

I understand her feelings being hurt, though. 

tenofcups4me

I'd definitely assign seats -- you already know you have a few people who won't want to sit next to/near each other so to me part of being a good host is ensuring that they don't have to but do have a seat of honor.

If you're going with one long table, why not seat his father and family on one side of him and his mother/her husband on the other side? Presumably you'll be facing him at the table so do the same with your parents -- one on one side and the other on the other side. That way every parent has a seat of honor, no parent has a better seat, and no one has to sit next to someone they'd rather not.

Catwoman708

Unless it is a formal, seated banquet type dinner, you don't need to "seat" guests. 

But as a matter of manners/ettiquette, the host of the dinner is the one to determine what type of meal it will be, and what the seating arrangements will be, if any.

So if your FFIL is the one hosting, this is his decision and you should politely butt out, unless he asks for your input.  

If he does ask for your input, then you could have a head table for you and attendants, then each set of parents at a separate table, all the same distance from the head table.  Preferably seat the divorced couples facing away from each other.

Pink7781

I would just let people sit where they want unless FFIL wants assigned seating. It's easier this way and you won't have to worry about it.