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Etiquette

Nieces/nephews in the wedding party

I am having a dilemma and I don't know what to do! I really don't want children in my wedding party. I don't mind them at the wedding, but I just don't want them in the wedding party. I have two nieces who are 15 and 14 and my mom is insisting I have them as junior bridesmaids. I feel like that may cause some controversy because my fianc has 3 young nephews ages 3, 6, 7 and I have a 4 year old nephew. I do not want 4 little boys in my wedding and I don't want to just pick one. I feel like having the girls will cause my FSIL to have hard feelings, but my mom thinks its okay because they are older. I don't want to hurt their feelings by not including them, but I don't know what to do! Please help!

Re: Nieces/nephews in the wedding party

  • Your bridal party is your own business - yours and your FIs.  If you do not want your nieces to be bridesmaids (drop the junior), you do not need to extend the invitation.  At the same time, your fiance's nephews need to be his call.  Sides do not need to be even, nor do you need to explain your decision to anyone.

    One thing to consider, though, may be if there is another honor role you might give your nieces so that they do feel included.  Could you ask them to be readers?  Are they musically inclined enough to provide a solo or instrumental accompaniment at some point in your ceremony?  I definitely wouldn't assign them some one-off job like program person or gift table attendant, but if you could ask them to play a small, age-appropriate role in the ceremony, it might be a best of both worlds scenario: they aren't bridesmaids, but they are included.
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  • Tell your mom no.  You have thought about it and do not want any of your nieces and nephews in the WP and your decision is final.  Tell her you will be happy for them to attend as guests (assuming they are) and that it all.  If she brings it up again, either ignore her inquiry and change the subject  or say "You know my feelings and they have not changed, so there is no need to bring up this subject again."
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  • I hear about this problem often and i never understand it. Why do people think that nieces and nephews HAVE to be in the wedding party and more importantly why to people thing they have the right to dictate who the bride and groom choose for their bridal party? There's not very many topics where I agree with the "it's your day" sentiment, but selecting bridal party is definitely one of them. Stand your ground.
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  • Are the girls pushing their parents to ask your mom to push you, or is it just your mom who thinks they need to be included. If it is just your mom I agree with PP, just say no. If the girls are the ones behind the pushing be prepared for them to be upset and have some sort of response ready in case they bring it up. By that age they should know how to behave properly in terms of not asking you and not making an issue of it when they hear that they won't be included. You know your family best but it might be a good idea to talk to the girls' parents and make sure they are on the same page as you. That way if the girls bring it up to them they can help the girls understand why they won't be included and your mom can't go to them and twist your words and make you end up looking like the bad guy.

    As for FI's nephews, they are little boys. I don't think they will mind not being included, at all. In fact they would probably much prefer not having to dress up and stand around for pictures for hours on end. If you decide to include your nieces I definitely wouldn't feel bad at all not including your FI's nephews.
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  • Thanks! I would like to find some other way for them to be involved, maybe reading would be good! My mom is the one doing the pushing. I have tried not to bring it up with my nieces so they didn't get their hopes up or anything. Hopefully they will understand, especially if I can find another role for them. And my fiancées nephews is more concerning because I feel his sister may become upset, but I will let him handle that haha. Tanks again!
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