Etiquette

Kids or no kids?

Hey brides! So this is my problem, i really want to have an adult only reception, the only kids that were going to be there would be the flowe girl and ring bearer (ages 8,6) and two usher that are my husband to be's brother ages 12,14. but my husband tro be also has a few cousins that are around that same age, and his family is fraking out at me because i said no to them. My mother is againist kids all together and she doesn't  understand the reasons why i can't leave my husband to be's brothers out of the reception all together. I don't know if i should just say no kids at all or let kids come. what do i do??

Re: Kids or no kids?

  • In Response to Re: Kids or no kids?:
    You can do a no-kids only wedding but addressing the invites to the adults only. Don't put "no kids" anywhere on the invite or anything. If someone RSVP's back asking about kids, tell them "sorry but we cannot accomodate children."
    Posted by rachers1017
    agree

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  • I think if you make a clear cut at immediate family and wedding party, then most people will understand.  If they don't, then tough shiit for them.  If your FI's family is helping to pay for the wedding, though, then they get some say in the guest list.
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  • You can have a no kid reception, but some people may not be able to come because of it or be offended. Just be sure to do it tastefully.

    However if you are having kids in the wedding- you may want to have a place for them to go after the ceremony. And I only say this because people might think that if other kids are there why could their kid not be there. Its extreme, but some people think that way.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    Wow, your mom wants his own brothers not invited to the reception?   I think mom is a little unrealistic.


    And while you are under no obligation to invite the cousins  I personally think inviting your husband's first cousins (who are the same age as the brothers) is a good idea.  I'll admit in my family all first cousins regardless of age are invited.  I would have an issue if my FMIL was taking a stance like not inviting some of my  family simply because they happen to be younger than me.  

     I guess that's why I'm always a fan of catergories and not age.  Your husband inviting some first cousin is one thing.  If he started wanted kids of cousins, then I agree you need to cut somewhere.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to Re: Kids or no kids?:
    You can have a no kid reception, but some people may not be able to come because of it or be offended. Just be sure to do it tastefully. However if you are having kids in the wedding- you may want to have a place for them to go after the ceremony. And I only say this because people might think that if other kids are there why could their kid not be there. Its extreme, but some people think that way.
    Posted by kennazebrowsky
    That's not necessary, and it's rude.  Guests invited to the wedding are invited to the ceremony and reception, even the kids.  If people get offended that their sweet angel wasn't invited and another kid was, then they need adjust their attitude. 
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  • In Response to Kids or no kids?:
    Hey brides! So this is my problem, i really want to have an adult only reception, the only kids that were going to be there would be the flowe girl and ring bearer (ages 8,6) and two usher that are my husband to be's brother ages 12,14. but my husband tro be also has a few cousins that are around that same age, and his family is fraking out at me because i said no to them. My mother is againist kids all together and she doesn't  understand the reasons why i can't leave my husband to be's brothers out of the reception all together. I don't know if i should just say no kids at all or let kids come. what do i do??
    Posted by Megant04
    Where is your FI in all of this? He should be handling his family. What is his view on the situation?
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  • I'm a MOB who is ALL for no kid weddings but I think your mom is being rather cold in not wanting your FI's siblings to attend.  That is a set up for years of hard feelings and bitterness.  I would remind her that the wedding is a few hours but he is going to be her SIL and they are going to be your BIL's for a very long time.  She is being incredibly unreasonable there.  I can see where your FIL's would be incredibly unforgiving about that - I know I would be.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Kids or no kids?:
    In Response to Kids or no kids? : Where is your FI in all of this? He should be handling his family. What is his view on the situation?
    Posted by SilverLining1
      I agree with this. You should talk it over with your fiance and get him involved for sure before you do anything, it's his family after all.

    Personally, you don't have to invite the cousins but the siblings should be there; they have a right to be there (it's their brother after all!) especially if they are in the wedding party. There are things you can get to keep them occupied at the reception for sure if you're worried about that.  I really think you should have them at the reception, but just check in and involve your fiance first!
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  • I'm really curious where your FI is in all of this.  I would NOT have been happy if H hadn't wanted my cousins (16 and 12, who are being raised by my parents so they're more like brothers) to be at our wedding simply because they were under 18.  For goodness sake, they're not toddlers, they're teenagers. 

    If your FI is onboard I think it's okay to not invite the cousins, but his siblings should absolutely be included (and as ushers they get the WP-pass).  If it were me I would be working on getting your mom to understand that 14 isn't exactly a child, and let your FI handle his family.  But again, this is only if FI is onboard.
  • Well to be truthful his brothers are step-brothers so thats why my mom is acting like that. and i do like the idea of just 1st cousins that would sovle the problem.
  • the only reason my mom says that is because they are actually step- brothers, his dad remarried..
  • My FI is onboard is making everyone happy, from his family to me, so he is stuck in the middle kind of. Thanks ladies for all the advice i will leave to first cousins only which would only be one, he has cousins that have chlidren and they are the ones i'm worried about.
  • It isn't your mom's place to decide how worthy his brothers are based on being stepbrothers.  Our 4 girls came from my 2 and DH's 2.  They are treated equally by all sides of the family and consider/call themselves sisters.  I still think she is way out of line.
  • I agree with the consensus.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
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    I'm sorry but your mother is in no position to decide how important your DH's step-brothers are to him.  If my mother was talking about DH's sisters like that I would give her a piece of my mind.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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