new to P&E - with question of course!

starrbuk13

Hi Ladies...i'm mainly stick to the local boards but i wanted to jump over here to ask a quick etiquette question.i was thinking of doing wedding announcements to those people we did not invite to our wedding.  similar to a birth announcement.  they'd be going to distant family, not-so-close friends, and colleagues/etc.is this gift grabby?  my mom thinks it is...i think of it as a birth announcement and would not expect a gift from anyone we sent one to.  that being said....i'm not going to do it if most people would feel that i'm just looking for money...TIA!!

berryholly

I wouldn't think of it as gift grabby - but I would think of it as "hey look we got married but you weren't important enough to be invited!!!"

bel138

So...what would the purpose be, if not to receive gifts?

noelle24

Ditto Holly.  If I'm not important enough to merit an invite, why would I care to receive a piece of paper announcing your marriage?  I might wonder if the reason was to get a gift out of me.  That being said, I'd never send a gift to a wedding I wasn't invited to, unless I knew the wedding was *very* small and no close friends were invited.

kkchisholm

What? Why?I wouldn't do this...Why would I create a wedding announcement to "not so close friends" that I wouldn't even want at the wedding? (unless it was a small intimate ceremony.. then maybe)I don't think I have even heard of this. how would you announce it exactly?

rhodesign

Yeah...best to stay away. I don't think engagment or wedding announcements are done too much these days, though I do know some people do wedding announcements when they had destination weddings

EmmaBride2B

Scroll down a few posts. It's called "engagement announcements." HTH.

ootmother2

I get wedding announcements from the children of friends from years ago and the children of my parent's friends.  Also from old co workers, it's just keep you up to date.It's just a nice thing that too many people consider gift grabby now.P&E loves to jump on gift grabbing

sucrets4

Facebook?  that gets the word out pretty quick.

ootmother2

OP,If you're new on the board, I am a MOB so what my friends do may not be quite right for yours.  KWIM?for me, wedding announcements are a way of staying in touch with old friends and co workers.  Maybe not so much for you

starrbuk13

oot: that's pretty much exactly what i'm talking about...sending them to people who aren't close family.  and close family made up 95% of my wedding attendees.BUT i definitely think i'm going to stay away from them since the consensus is that they're gift grabby.  that was DEF not my goal.thanks girls!

ootmother2

E. Post and the other etiquette advisors say they are never to be considered a request for gifts.  It's just a polite thing to do.Engagement announcements, NEVER

shellydiane820

Did you name yourself after the BSG character?  If so, you're awesome.

starrbuk13

lol, no it was the x-files.  you're the 2nd person who asked about BSG though in like the past week!  most people think coffee...it's a refreshing change

therickson

Can I sneak in here with a post Hijack? My parents are hosting the wedding but are being pretty open to the the guest list up to 200 (never thought I even knew that many people..). Anyhow... I just got FMIL list and it has over 80 people on it... Most who she says will not show up - especially the 24 she invited from Germany... I want to account for everyone showing up and this is causing my parents and I to cut out friends and family we actually think would and really want to show up! Would it be rude to do a wedding announcement to international folk? They are only sending them because "it is polite" and refuse to not send them anything... What do you think?

Kristin789

Wedding announcements are not SUPPOSED to be considered gift demans by the recipient. But everyone thinks that they ARE gift demands, with a rub-your-nose in the fact that you weren't close enough to be invited. We didn't send wedding announcments. We sent our holiday cards early - to get our new address out there before other people sent cards to the wrong address. And the top line of the holiday note proclaimed, "WE GOT MARRIED." That's the way we announced our marriage to those not invited/far away/whatever.

carrieoz_76

Well, you can still read about how to do wedding announcements in bridal books and magazines, and they generally echo what oot said - it's supposed to just let ppl know what's up, and isn't a gift grab.  But I think the tide is turning with the younger folks.  So maybe it's a generational thing?  If people in your extended family have done it, then I say go ahead.  If not, probably don't do it.Around here people are pretty informal and I think they'd wonder why I was sending an announcement if I *didn't* want a gift.  So we probably won't do them.

ffmaid

If you are having a very very small wedding(under 30 guests) then wedding announcements are not gift grabby if you are having a 100 person or larger wedding sending wedding anouncements to people 101-X is gift grabby. If I recieve a wedding announcement I think they wantr a gift. Distant folks really do not care so much about your wedding. Actually either birth or wedding announcements I percieve as please send a gift. But if very close to the folks I also think they want me to see a pretty picture of baby or couple 

kebmtm071605

totally gift grabby IMO.  It's also like saying...hey, I got married...but you weren't important enough to be invited. Are these people you would send a Christmas card to?  If so, just do photo Christmas cards this year with a picture from your wedding and use return address labels with your married name on them.

janedoe1113a

We're sending them out.  I'm a military brat and we've moved a lot so we know people across the country who would love to know I'm married but we aren't close enough to them to send an invite.  We also have a lot of overseas family.