Wedding Etiquette Forum

No RSVP

Hello: Just a question for those who have been through this. If you have people that have been invited, passed the RSVP date with no reply and then you call them, multiple times, and email them and they don't reply what do you do? I would assume that they are not coming and just don't want to "hurt my feelings." But they are close friends that are scatter-brained. Do I just make a place for them in the seating? Or assume the are not coming? Can I start leaving dead fish wrapped in newspaper on their stoop? Is it time for that yet? What did you guys do? Thanks,
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Re: No RSVP

  • I would have extra seats no matter what, sometimes people bring uninvited guests. I would talk to your venue and make sure that they have a few extra meals on hand, they should anyway. Every venue knows that there are always a few people that RSVP that don't show and a few that didn't RSVP that will show.
  • I'd assume they are coming (because what if they do show and there's no seat for them?) Dead fish sounds like a good option too
  • Keep trying to call and I'd err on the side of caution and assume they will be there. How many people do you have like this?
  • Ok, I am happy with that. We are going in for the final meeting with the venue tomorrow and I will just plan like they are coming. I spoke with some of my family and they said "No RSVP. No seat." Even if I thought they would come. I thought that was kind of odd. Alas, apparently, no dead fish needed tonight.
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  • roxy: We have 6, and they have guests. I used to be a bartender....these are my old co-workers. We all operated on "band time." They are still operating on "band time." I love them, but over time I started working off of clock and calendar time.
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  • We have 4 guests that are the same deal. All from out of town. I assume they are not coming, but have a place to put them if they do happen to show. But yes, it's incredibly annoying.
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  • I guess the reason that I am most concerned is the food. We have enough seats but my parents have been nice enough to offer to pay for the food and I want to get the count as accurate as possible so that they do not pay for food that goes to waste. But I guess at this point there is not much that I can do. I can always reimburse the parents if they don't show. I would hate to not have food for them if they did though. I guess it is just a minor deal when you think about the whole thing. Alright, I feel better now. Thanks all.
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  • With our girls everyone gets called, and those who don't return calls get a message along these lines: "Hi Amy, it's Melissa again.  I haven't heard back from you regarding the RSVP for the wedding.  We have our final meeting with the caterer day after tomorrow.  If I don't hear back from you by tomorrow night, I will mark you and John as not coming.  If you can't make it, we will be looking forward to having dinner together soon to catch up.  Thanks."Of the 3 girls who are married I only had to pay for "extra" guests once and it was because DD's biomom's and stepdad's family have no wedding etiquette knowledge whatsoever.  Paid for an entire table that didn't get used.
  • Most venues automatically make 5-10% more food than the final count they give you.  I know my venue will make more food (to a certain point) if more people come than what I give in the final count.  With that said, if it were me, I would give the final numbers excluding them, but make sure there are extra seats just in case they show up.  If they do show up then I would pay for them, if they don't then there's nothing to worry about.   Are you having a buffet or seated dinner?  If you are having a buffet you could probably get by easier doing this.
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  • If you can not find out the answer you have to assume they are coming but are rude. Call email ect but you must assume they are coming until you find out no
  • depending on where you live...if the cost to you is minimal i'd arrange seating for them.  however, if you are from an area that charges 100 plus a plate...i'd take it as a no and would not make arrangements for them. 
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