+1's getting out of control!

LaBellaVita23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:f100e094-75bd-4b48-84fe-8bf6a3ec1ce6">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]The co-worker is seperated and NOT in a serious relationship with the estranged wife.  So technically the estranged wife is currently the 'flavor of the week'.   If they are just hooking up at the time that the invitations go out, I would agree with the OP and NOT add a +1.  I agree in inviting +1's if there is a relationship established.  The current situation is a hook-up and not, IMO, a relationship.
Posted by amyelise25[/QUOTE]

How can you be a flavor of the week if you are married to each other?  This defies logic.  And who said they were estranged?  The husband obviously is communication with his wife because he mentioned the wedding to her and invited her!

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:f100e094-75bd-4b48-84fe-8bf6a3ec1ce6">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]The co-worker is seperated and NOT in a serious relationship with the estranged wife.  So technically the estranged wife is currently the 'flavor of the week'.   If they are just hooking up at the time that the invitations go out, I would agree with the OP and NOT add a +1.  I agree in inviting +1's if there is a relationship established.  The current situation is a hook-up and not, IMO, a relationship.
Posted by amyelise25[/QUOTE]

What the fucking fuuck?  Really?  You're judging a <em>married</em> couple for sleeping together sporadically?  Even if they ARE separated, who the hell are you to call that a random hook-up?  Who are you to judge their relationship?

You are acting like a twat.  OMG.  Posters don't usually get me angry but this really pissed me off.

myname1234

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:3117f072-d649-42e2-833b-4878fbcdc7d7">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: +1's getting out of control! : Thanks - but we are only inviting the other half of the pair if they are engaged or married (in one instance been together for a long time and living together) because we can't have a bunch of extra seats for "flavor of the week" dates.  <strong>As much as we would love to be able to allow everyone to bring a date, we just don't have it in the budget.
</strong>Posted by jenvalverde0580[/QUOTE]

adjust your budget elsewhere...you can't tell a man he can't bring his wife.  it's not your job to judge...it's our job to be a good host to your guests

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:4f65eaf5-7d53-4881-847c-85d36d47879e">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: +1's getting out of control! : What the fucking fuuck?  Really?  You're judging a married couple for sleeping together sporadically?  Even if they ARE separated, who the hell are you to call that a random hook-up?  Who are you to judge their relationship? You are acting like a twat.  OMG.  Posters don't usually get me angry but this really pissed me off.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

Tell us how you <em>really</em> feel, Bay.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

Seriously though, agree 100% with this. 

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:75db99bb-61b5-4c36-93a9-e63f4eea1388">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: +1's getting out of control! : Tell us how you really feel, Bay.  Seriously though, agree 100% with this. 
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I realize that I'm letting my personal feelings in on this.  But people who are going through a separation/divorce don't need friends that are going to sit around being judgy.  That made me infuriated.

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:7209c657-1a57-4ad8-b383-d91e4c865ec4">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: +1's getting out of control! : Yeah, I realize that I'm letting my personal feelings in on this.  But people who are going through a separation/divorce don't need friends that are going to sit around being judgy.  That made me infuriated.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

This.  OP and now Amysomething (I dont remember your screen name), you cannot judge the seriousness of anyone's relationships. End of story. If someone has a SO at the time the invitations go out, that SO needs to be invited.

Meegles4

I agree with everything Habs has said...from being really pissed at the whole living together qualifier because not everyone believes that's OK to do before marriage to the fact that regardless of this guy's hook ups, his wife is still his wife until divorce papers are signed.

Really, OP, you guys should have just asked the guy up front what he'd prefer. Would've saved you the surprise. Now, you need to find a way to include her and get over it.

StephBeanWed61502

I'm completely with you Bay.  My parents separated several times when  I was a kid, and guess what?  They're still married.  Separation DEFINITELY =/= divorce.  Luckily, none of their friends acted like asshats and cut my mom or dad out of social situations when they were separated, so everybody's all still friends 20 years later, with minimal awkwardness.

zigspective

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:f100e094-75bd-4b48-84fe-8bf6a3ec1ce6">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]The co-worker is seperated and NOT in a serious relationship with the estranged wife.  So technically the estranged wife is currently the 'flavor of the week'.   If they are just hooking up at the time that the invitations go out, I would agree with the OP and NOT add a +1.  I agree in inviting +1's if there is a relationship established.  The current situation is a hook-up and not, IMO, a relationship.
Posted by amyelise25[/QUOTE]

<div>I know a couple who has lived like the OP's coworker for the past 15 years. They're legally separated (but not divorced) and live in different homes but still make the effort to be in a relationship. They also go to all social functions together. They love each other, they just don't like living with each other... and they get way more date nights then I do.</div><div>
</div><div>Different strokes for different folks... and all that jazz. You just can't judge things based on whether it aligns with your personal preferences.</div>

lisa3185

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:f100e094-75bd-4b48-84fe-8bf6a3ec1ce6">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]The <strong>co-worker is seperated and NOT in a serious relationship with the estranged wife.</strong>  So technically the estranged wife is currently the 'flavor of the week'.   If they are just hooking up at the time that the invitations go out, I would agree with the OP and NOT add a +1.  I agree in inviting +1's if there is a relationship established.  <strong>The current situation is a hook-up and not, IMO, a relationship.</strong>
Posted by amyelise25[/QUOTE]

Not your call OP.
Well, considering their still married your opinion SUCKS!!!
My FI & I were in a committed relationship for 9 years before we got engaged, so what does that make me...his flavor of 9 years? 
See how stupid that sounds?!

lisa3185

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:418e1bc9-8785-49fd-99dc-8edb7449f8cf">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm completely with you Bay.  <strong>My parents separated several times when  I was a kid, and guess what?  They're still married.  Separation DEFINITELY =/= divorce.</strong>  Luckily, none of their friends acted like asshats and cut my mom or dad out of social situations when they were separated, so everybody's all still friends 20 years later, with minimal awkwardness.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

My parents the same.  This year they celebrated 28 years and are very much in love.  All relationships are different and who is anyone to judge!

jenvalverde0580

Thanks for all the replies, but seriously no need to be vicious or to attack.  This was a simple question that required a simple answer and we are all here to help and encourage one another.  Not to tear each other down.

I can understand some of you who were offended by my mis-wordings.  I too was with my FI for 7 years before getting engaged.  Many, many weddings happened during those 7 years to which either he not I were both invited to because although we were in a "serious" relationship, we were not yet engaged nor married.  One such wedding was my best friends wedding.  Yes, it wasn't ideal to go to a wedding un-escorted, but at the time both he and I understood the matter simply came down to the budget of the bride and groom and we respected that.

Again, thanks for the insight ladies. 

midgetthemighty

I find it extremely hard to believe that you weren't offended that your best friend didn't believe enough if your relationship with your now-fiance to invite him to her wedding. I hope you're going to do the right thing here OP.

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:f3b0c6ec-e302-4022-a3e1-a0bea848b50b">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for all the replies, but seriously <strong>no need to be vicious or to attack.  This was a simple question that required a simple answer and we are all here to help and encourage one another.  Not to tear each other down.</strong> I can understand some of you who were offended by my mis-wordings.  I too was with my FI for 7 years before getting engaged.  Many, many weddings happened during those 7 years to which either he not I were both invited to because although we were in a "serious" relationship, we were not yet engaged nor married.  One such wedding was my best friends wedding.  Yes, it wasn't ideal to go to a wedding un-escorted, but at the time both he and I understood the matter simply came down to the budget of the bride and groom and we respected that. Again, thanks for the insight ladies. 
Posted by jenvalverde0580[/QUOTE]

Uh, we're gonna post how we please.

And if it happened to you, don't you think that you should, I dunno, break the cycle of rudeness and change it?  If you weren't going to take anyone's advice, why post here in the first place?

StephBeanWed61502

But Miiiiiiiiiiiiiidge, you don't understaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand.  That's just the way it IS among OP and her friends.  I'll bet she jumps off of bridges with them too, because, you know, everyone does it that way, so clearly it's a brilliant and totally appropriate idea.

midgetthemighty

How silly of me Steph!

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:f3b0c6ec-e302-4022-a3e1-a0bea848b50b">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]I too was with my FI for 7 years before getting engaged.  Many, many weddings happened during those 7 years to which either he not I were both invited to because although we were in a "serious" relationship, we were not yet engaged nor married.  One such wedding was my best friends wedding.  Yes, it wasn't ideal to go to a wedding un-escorted, but at the time both he and I understood the matter simply came down to the budget of the bride and groom and we respected that. Again, thanks for the insight ladies. 
Posted by jenvalverde0580[/QUOTE]

I suppose my story about how my relationship was judged <em>incorrectly</em> and we both were offended means nothing.  ::sigh:: 

LaBellaVita23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:feecf9b1-1ba1-4119-89cb-f421bdba6de9">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: +1's getting out of control! : Uh, we're gonna post how we please. And if it happened to you, don't you think that you should, I dunno, break the cycle of rudeness and change it?  If you weren't going to take anyone's advice, why post here in the first place?
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

I completely agree.  If it happened to you and you weren't happy, why would you knowingly do it to other people?  This isn't a hazing where just because you did it, everyone else has to too.

StephBeanWed61502

FYI to future posters:  When you're down to the "but EVERYONE ELSE DOES IT THIS WAY!" line of defense, you've DEFINITELY lost the argument.  YWIA.

lbarr088

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:66f7ef04-b6e7-4401-b128-747ec8985386">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]I find it extremely hard to believe that you weren't offended that your best friend didn't believe enough if your relationship with your now-fiance to invite him to her wedding. I hope you're going to do the right thing here OP.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto.</div><div>
</div><div>As I said in my other post it happened to me.  It was very crappy.  I am inviting SO's I haven't met  because I respect the fact that they are in a relationship with friends or relatives of ours.  Make cuts in your budget elsewhere but please don't split up couples.  Just because it happened to you doesn't mean that is acceptable.  In the end, it makes the hosts look bad so keep that in mind. </div>

midgetthemighty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:9364be29-e6da-4580-8c8e-5eba0b49eae7">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]FYI to future posters:  When you're down to the "but EVERYONE ELSE DOES IT THIS WAY!" line of defense, you've DEFINITELY lost the argument.  YWIA.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

True facts.

It happened to me too OP and we were engaged. It hurt. You have tons of people saying it's hurtful. Why do that to your loved ones?

jenvalverde0580

Thanks again for the comments.  We will certainly take them into consideration as we write out the names on the invitations.

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:5e37b5c4-c183-42db-b3cf-c0b3fb54f72b">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks again for the comments.  We will certainly take them into consideration as we write out the names on the invitations.
Posted by jenvalverde0580[/QUOTE]

<div>Well, bless your heart.</div><div>
</div><div>I mean that in the most Southern way possible. </div>

LaBellaVita23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:5e37b5c4-c183-42db-b3cf-c0b3fb54f72b">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks again for the comments.  <strong>We will certainly take them into consideration</strong> as we write out the names on the invitations.
Posted by jenvalverde0580[/QUOTE]

That's like when your mom says "We'll see".  It means a big, fat no.

Habs2Hart

You and your friends are full of suck. 

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:df3a8070-36fe-437c-bae6-aa6d4aec3448">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: +1's getting out of control! : That's like when your mom says "We'll see".  It means a big, fat no.
Posted by LaBellaVita23[/QUOTE]

Yep

[Deleted User]

I sense that you are focusing in on this one couple as an example rather than the trend.  But at the same time, you are feeling a trend. 

I don't think it is wise to univite. But I do think it smart to talk to your caterer.  Our wedding with all possible invites saying yes was around 200 guests.  Our actual head count for our caterer was 100.  We had to deal with reception minimums as far as money was concerned. We ended up paying the 100 person minimum required for the rental by ordering an upgraded buffet.  It worked out beautifully and no one cared that there was an extra person or two.

My experience is knock 45% off your invite list.  Our experience was that any relative that was out of town was not going to make it. We did have one or two, but that was covered under our minimum expected list.

wrigleyville

I'd rather knock $500 off my dress budget than offend my closest friends and family.

Just sayin'.

lbarr088

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:6f101a10-4eb1-4c24-8382-de7f2405ee77">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]I sense that you are focusing in on this one couple as an example rather than the trend.  But at the same time, you are feeling a trend.  I don't think it is wise to univite. But I do think it smart to talk to your caterer.  Our wedding with all possible invites saying yes was around 200 guests.  Our actual head count for our caterer was 100.  We had to deal with reception minimums as far as money was concerned. We ended up paying the 100 person minimum required for the rental by ordering an upgraded buffet.  It worked out beautifully and no one cared that there was an extra person or two. <strong>My experience is knock 45% off your invite list</strong>.  <strong>Our experience was that any relative that was out of town was not going to make it. </strong>We did have one or two, but that was covered under our minimum expected list.
Posted by Tilliea[/QUOTE]

<div>Sigh.  </div>

midgetthemighty

45%?!?!?! I don't even believe the 10-15% "guidelines".