+1's getting out of control!

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:6f101a10-4eb1-4c24-8382-de7f2405ee77">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]I sense that you are focusing in on this one couple as an example rather than the trend.  But at the same time, you are feeling a trend.  I don't think it is wise to univite. But I do think it smart to talk to your caterer.  Our wedding with all possible invites saying yes was around 200 guests.  Our actual head count for our caterer was 100.  We had to deal with reception minimums as far as money was concerned. We ended up paying the 100 person minimum required for the rental by ordering an upgraded buffet.  It worked out beautifully and no one cared that there was an extra person or two. My experience is knock 45% off your invite list.  Our experience was that any relative that was out of town was not going to make it. We did have one or two, but that was covered under our minimum expected list.
Posted by Tilliea[/QUOTE]

Wow, wrong AND doesn't really have anything to do with OP's question.

OP - anyone dating should be invited with their boyfriend or girlfriend, clearly you've already understood that's what we're telling you.  I invited a friend solo b/c last I knew she and her bf had broken up - she called and asked if she could bring him (apparently they had gotten back together) I said "yes of course, I'm so sorry I didn't realize you two were back together". They got engaged two weeks ago and I'm so glad I didn't make myself into the ass that judged their relationship. Your co-worker is clearly still seeing is wife in some capactiy, they are still MARRIED, so they need to be invited together.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:f3b0c6ec-e302-4022-a3e1-a0bea848b50b">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for all the replies, but seriously no need to be vicious or to attack.  This was a simple question that required a simple answer and we are all here to help and encourage one another.  Not to tear each other down. I can understand some of you who were offended by my mis-wordings.  I too was with my FI for 7 years before getting engaged.  Many, many weddings happened during those 7 years to which either he not I were both invited to because although we were in a "serious" relationship, we were not yet engaged nor married.  One such wedding was my best friends wedding.  Yes, it wasn't ideal to go to a wedding un-escorted, but at the time both he and I understood the matter simply came down to the budget of the bride and groom and we respected that. Again, thanks for the insight ladies. 
Posted by jenvalverde0580[/QUOTE]

You are seriously being truthful when you said that you understood why your boyfriend of 7 years was not invited to your best friends wedding because their budget couldn't allow it?  Liar McLiarson

The budget should not be used as a reason to be completely rude to your guests.  So what are you going to tell people "Oh, well even though you have been together 10+ years and most likely much longer then most of our married guests, since you are not married we don't really see your relationship as being "serious" and thus just don't have the money to pay for both of you.  But I am sure you understand because my FI and I did when it happened to us."  Do you not see how ridiculous that sounds?!?!

But I am sure, like many others who have posted on here, you will do whatever you want even if it is rude and inconsiderate, because in the end you will look like an idiot not your guests.

frantastic12

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:6f101a10-4eb1-4c24-8382-de7f2405ee77">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]I sense that you are focusing in on this one couple as an example rather than the trend.  But at the same time, you are feeling a trend.  I don't think it is wise to univite. But I do think it smart to talk to your caterer.  Our wedding with all possible invites saying yes was around 200 guests.  Our actual head count for our caterer was 100.  We had to deal with reception minimums as far as money was concerned. We ended up paying the 100 person minimum required for the rental by ordering an upgraded buffet.  It worked out beautifully and no one cared that there was an extra person or two. <strong>My experience is knock 45% off your invite list.  Our experience was that any relative that was out of town was not going to make it.</strong> We did have one or two, but that was covered under our minimum expected list.
Posted by Tilliea[/QUOTE]

Terrible advice.  As you said, this is YOUR experience...why are you presenting it as a guideline to others?  We have a relative coming from overseas.  5 others coming from over 2000mi away (out of the 5 invited from over 2000mi away).   FI's family is from 2 hours away--so following your logic, we should just assume that his mom, brother, and grandparents won't make it? 

Also, OP--FI and I dated for 3 years before we were engaged, and my sister dated her current H for 6 weeks before they got engaged.  How exactly was FI and I's relationship of 3 years less commited or less valid than my sister's? 

ETA: FTR, I'm not saying our relationship was <u>more</u> valid, either...it's just an example of why it isn't your place to judge someone's relationship. 

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:6f101a10-4eb1-4c24-8382-de7f2405ee77">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]I sense that you are focusing in on this one couple as an example rather than the trend.  But at the same time, you are feeling a trend.  I don't think it is wise to univite. But I do think it smart to talk to your caterer.  Our wedding with all possible invites saying yes was around 200 guests.  Our actual head count for our caterer was 100.  We had to deal with reception minimums as far as money was concerned. We ended up paying the 100 person minimum required for the rental by ordering an upgraded buffet.  It worked out beautifully and no one cared that there was an extra person or two.<strong> My experience is knock 45% off your invite list.  Our experience was that any relative that was out of town was not going to make it. We did have one or two, but that was covered under our minimum expected list.
</strong>Posted by Tilliea[/QUOTE]

Based on this non-logic, I'm going to suggest knocking off 73% of your guest list. We had a DW in Las Vegas, invited 100, and only 27 showed up.

[Deleted User]

I hate it when people don't like the answer but she needs to invite that +1 for her co-worker.

RebeccaB88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-getting-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:10a3731d-beb5-4d2d-bde5-c599f5f5bcc6Post:5e37b5c4-c183-42db-b3cf-c0b3fb54f72b">Re: +1's getting out of control!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks again for the comments.  We will certainly take them into consideration as we write out the names on the invitations.
Posted by jenvalverde0580[/QUOTE]

AKA, I'm going to do whatever the hell I want regardless of the good advice I've been given, because I'm just that kind of person.