NWR: Christmas Presents With Coworkers

Domino04

So, I USED to exchange presents with a coworker. She trained me at my current job. She is now a supervisor. Not exactly MINE, but she's a supervisor on my account. I don't want to exchange presents anymore. I didn't really want to last year, because we aren't friends outside of work and I don't know how this all started. 

My plan was to just not buy anything and hope she does the same. 

I'm kind of in the same situation with this person where I want to delete her from my Facebook now that she's a supervisor, but I feel like she might be upset. She has made life very hard for some coworkers (including, at times, me, before I knew how to handle her personality), and Facebook played a role in that. 

I'm so socially awkward. The internet makes it worse.

kwitherington

I HATE gifts at work.  I mean, I feel like if it's a plate of cookies or something, fine, but I get uncomfortable with anything else. So I feel you.  I think it's fine to not give a gift.  If she gives you one, fine - but you don't need to reciprocate.

And I would delete her on Facebook.  One, because it shouldn't matter - it's just Facebook.  But two, if you're at all uncomfortable, then there's no reason to keep her as a Friend.  It's not a fireable offense to unfriend someone.

And finally, I like your sig pic cat.

jcbsjr

Regarding FB, you can also add her to your Restricted list so she has VERY limited access to your FB.  The only things she would see are things you make 100% public that anyone could see. She wouldn't know she's on Restricted but that would save her being pissed/upset about being unfriended.

People are FB stupid sometimes.  One of my CW's who is a supervisor posted a bunch of crap bad mouthing the company on his FB this weekend and his final post was something like: Ok, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my evening.  I can't wait to get fired tomorrow.

So, yeah, he got fired.  And was surprised.  Idiot.

OliveOilsMom

Was she a supervisor last year?  Could you possibly approach her and tell that you now feel uncomfortable exchanging gifts due to her supervisory position.  And explain that even though she isn't your supervisor, you don't want anyone else in the office or management to think that you are trying to unfairly get ahead by giving her a gift. 

As for FB, I would just limit her exposure to your timeline.

AddieL73

In Response to Re: NWR: Christmas Presents With Coworkers:

Was she a supervisor last year?  Could you possibly approach her and tell that you now feel uncomfortable exchanging gifts due to her supervisory position.  And explain that even though she isn't your supervisor, you don't want anyone else in the office or management to think that you are trying to unfairly get ahead by giving her a gift.  As for FB, I would just limit her exposure to your timeline.
Posted by OliveOilsMom

This sounds like what I would do. This steps on no toes, hurts no feelings, etc. 

Loopyseven

Yeah.  I'd put her in your restricted list on FB rather than outright defriending her.  

As for the gifts, if you're comfortable talking to her about it, I'd follow OOM's tack.  Otherwise maybe get something small, but keep it in a drawer and only pull it out if she comes to you with something first? That ones a little trickier.

Domino04

You have questions! I have answers!

Was she my supervisor last year? Not really. It's a weird set up. She was above me in the same job role. NOW, she is actually a supervisor over me, but we work on shifts. And she isn't MY shift's supervisor, although we do overlap.

Can I restrict her on FB? Well. I did that with another coworker who is awful at trying to get people in trouble (I wrote about her, actually, when she went through another coworkers desk to find my Save The Date and then went around the room showing people who weren't invited, like herself, and pulling up my website and showing everyone. I was afraid she would run to management and say it was inappropriate that I didn't invite everyone--even though I DID mail them to homes, privately, but that person had her mail with her and had stashed it in her desk--not on display. So far, she hasn't said anything.), and she figured it out when someone else said "Aw, look at what Domino posted on her Facebook!" and she said "Huh, I can't see that." She then got REALLY pissy and got me in trouble completely non-related out of spite.

SO, if I do that again, I run that same risk happening with someone else. Otherwise, that totally would have been my plan of attack.

It gets trickier when I mention that I DO have other supervisors on my Facebook. But. They aren't vindictive. Although. They probably should be taken off. That's the politically correct thing to do, even though I REALLY don't post ANYTHING about work on there.

Loopy--I'm leaning towards your idea of the "something small," but that's what I did last year. It's a cycle that never ends. This year SEEMS to be a clear way to cut it off--she's management. I'm just chicken.

Loopyseven

I just keep all co-workers in a separate list with various restrictions on FB access.  That way all coworkers see the same restricted information.

Kate61487

In Response to Re: NWR: Christmas Presents With Coworkers:

Regarding FB, you can also add her to your Restricted list so she has VERY limited access to your FB.  The only things she would see are things you make 100% public that anyone could see. She wouldn't know she's on Restricted but that would save her being pissed/upset about being unfriended. People are FB stupid sometimes.  One of my CW's who is a supervisor posted a bunch of crap bad mouthing the company on his FB this weekend and his final post was something like: Ok, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my evening.  I can't wait to get fired tomorrow. So, yeah, he got fired.  And was surprised.  Idiot.
Posted by jcbsjr

This just isn't true; you can tell when you're on a restricted list when you go to someone's page and their wall is missing. 

OP I wouldn't buy her anything this year (not even a small what-if gift).  If she gives you something I'd either thank her and move on (and hope that by not reciprocating she gets the message that the tradition is over) or tell her straight up that since she's a supervisor now you don't think it's appropriate.

I'd also just go ahead and de-friend her.  it's FB and it shouldn't matter.  if and when she does realize it you could always just play dumb and let her think one of you hit the button by mistake.

BartenderBW

I think you are fine with not given her anything. I think that most mature adults realize that giving a gift doesn't in anyway obligate the receiver to give you a gift. I feel your pain though! I mentioned to a coworker in passing that I had already done my Christmas shopping for the office. And by Christmas shopping, I mean I bought little token gifts for less than 5.00 each for the small office we have. But another coworker overheard and was appalled, almost upset it seemed, I guess because she is not planning on getting anything for me. I felt like I needed to reassure her I did not expect any presents from coworkers! I think....at least hope...that most adults don't purchase a gift with any expectations. I would think it would be the same with your coworker, if she has gotten you something.