Wedding Etiquette Forum

Dress Attire Wording

I need help please! How should I word my request that guest not wear jeans and t-shirts.  Our wedding is not formal but I do not want guest comming wearing casual clothing.
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Re: Dress Attire Wording

  • You don't.

    You don't get to dictate your guests' attire.

    People should be able to judge the formality of an event by the venue and style of invitations.
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    [QUOTE]You don't. You don't get to dictate your guests' attire. People should be able to judge the formality of an event by the venue and style of invitations.
    Posted by dumdumfroggie[/QUOTE]

    this.

    Do you think that people would really come to your wedding in jeans?
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  • Ditto PPs. Also, they'll be the ones that will look ridiculous, not you.
  • I think the only time you can really get away with this is if you are having your wedding somewhere with an unusual dress code that THEY imposed, not you (like, "Due to the solemnity of the occassion and venue, the cathedral requires that female guests cover their shoulders. Shawls will be provided for those who need them."). Otherwise, you have to just trust your guests or try to spread the word by telling your parents and wedding party to let anyone know who brings it up to them.
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    [QUOTE]Plus, the formality of your invitation should help guests figure out what is appropriate attire.
    Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

    This- If it is black tie that is one thing but honestly give your guests some credit.
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    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dress Attire Wording : this. Do you think that people would really come to your wedding in jeans?
    Posted by cpm1223[/QUOTE]
    My FIs extended family are all very small town farmers and I've been to one wedding where there actually were some people in jeans! I couldn't believe it! But, the venue was VERY informal. Think an old old building that is used for several different town's events. There were basketball hoops flipped up like in a gym. I don't *think* they would wear jeans if it were held in another venue.

    But, yeah, OP, people will match the formality of dress with the venue and invite. You really can't dictate what your guests should wear.
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  • "Anyone not wearing appropriate attire will be tarred and feathered at the reception to follow"
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  • edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-attire-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:12aaa771-a0e0-4aa7-afca-7e66536ec2f8Post:c296540c-66cb-4c75-93d4-c8b7080eef3c">Re: Dress Attire Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think the only time you can really get away with this is if you are having your wedding somewhere with an unusual dress code that THEY imposed, not you (like, "Due to the solemnity of the occassion and venue, the cathedral requires that female guests cover their shoulders. Shawls will be provided for those who need them."). Otherwise, you have to just trust your guests or <strong>try to spread the word by telling your parents and wedding party to let anyone know who brings it up to them</strong>.
    Posted by Laurahan1127[/QUOTE]

    This!  We did this but still my MIL told people "wear whatever you want".   Grrr.  Why people didn't just ask us directly, I have no idea.
    Anniversary
  • One guest wore jeans to our wedding and guess who didn't give two sh$ts?  Me!  I was too busy drinking my wine and paryting with my friends to care what people had on.

    Seriously, what people wear should be the last of your concerns.

  • I posted abot this yesterday-- and we are going to try to spead it by word of mouth. Contrary to what other knotties have posted, my venue DOES have a dress code and it's pretty common here in NYC based on my research-- it's not aceptable to put anything on the invitation, from what I've read and heard. So my suggestion is to spread it y word of mouth. I understand how you're feeling and it's frustrating, especally because you want your special day to be perfect--
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  • I've been to many events where the invite dictates attire. Examples " black tie" "black tie optional" and "semi formal" and bar/business events usually say " business attire" I'm sorry but you know our crowd. If you are mixing a group of dr/lawyer friends who are a little fancy with your cousin billy who works at post office, yeah it cold be embarrassing if billy shows up in jeans...not just for you but for him. I think it's considerate especially for female guests who will wonder what to wear.
  • Wow, you all are pretty rude to be talking about etiquette. It obviously does concern me or else I wouldn't be asking. And I can dictate what I'd like my guest's to wear; it is my wedding. Just my thoughts, which probably do not matter since I'm uncivilized.   
  • No one was rude to you. It's the truth. There's no way to politely tell adults what they must wear. If you want to micro-manage your guests' attire, then just write whatever you want on your invite. OR take the good advice and spread a request by word of mouth.

    But yeah, the "It's MY wedding and I'll do what I want" line won't get you very far, unless you're auditioning for a reality television show.
  • kate&cor2012kate&cor2012 member
    First Comment
    edited March 2012

    You simply can't unless it was a black tie affair (which I assume it is not, and if it were, it would be by word of mouth). At my sister in laws wedding, most people got somewhat dressy but their first cousin showed up in long shorts and a tap-out tee. I was annoyed, but only because I noticed since I was a BM and he was in the front row (I was annoyed for her a lot that day but nothing at all phased her; she was blissfully unaware). I don't think it's that big of a deal, if they wear jeans it's not a reflection on you, only them.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-attire-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:12aaa771-a0e0-4aa7-afca-7e66536ec2f8Post:756728ba-62f8-4861-bda1-349c70320abc">Re: Dress Attire Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, you all are pretty rude to be talking about etiquette. It obviously does concern me or else I wouldn't be asking. And I can dictate what I'd like my guest's to wear; it is my wedding. Just my thoughts, which probably do not matter since I'm uncivilized.   
    Posted by hakeefer1[/QUOTE]

    TRUE THAT!! Let's join TK so we can be really pretentious about our DIY weddings, tell everyone they're being rude...meanwhile I won't allow kids at my wedding and am making all 8 of my bridemaids buy a $250 dress so I can buy them a $20 bracelet or pair of earrings as a gift that they will absolutely hate because it matches the dress I made them buy which they also hate. 

    Suggesting appropriate attire on an invitation is fine, especially if guests are not familiar with your venue.  I went to one wedding where it was not stated and was extremely overdressed....the invite should have said "cocktail attire."    I've seen countless invites that say "black tie optional" and "semi-formal."  Perhaps you should sent them a crystal ball as well so they can use it when they evaluate your invite to figure out how fancy or casual they should dress based on it.   Putting on invite or spreading by WOM is okay too, but then you run risk our mom is gonna call uncle billy or his wife and offend them when she says "no jeans."  

    These are just women who post on boards, the people on here can't even say where the etiquette comes from and if they can...they can't quote directly because they've never personally read the words of or anything about Emily Post or Queen VIctoria.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-attire-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:12aaa771-a0e0-4aa7-afca-7e66536ec2f8Post:756728ba-62f8-4861-bda1-349c70320abc">Re: Dress Attire Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, you all are pretty rude to be talking about etiquette. It obviously does concern me or else I wouldn't be asking.<strong> And I can dictate what I'd like my guest's to wear; it is my wedding</strong>. Just my thoughts, which probably do not matter since I'm uncivilized.   
    Posted by hakeefer1[/QUOTE]

    Aren't you lovely. Just know, those with manners will side-eye your invite.

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  • I am having an evening, barn wedding. I put a note on our wedding website about dress, but am not putting anything on the formal invitation. Several guests have asked us what kind of dress it is (because our venue is not traditional).
     
    I think if you have a more traditional venue (ballroom, country club, church, etc.) you probably don't have anything to worry about.

    Do you have a website? Otherwise, I would say word of mouth.

    :)
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    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dress Attire Wording : What does Queen Victoria have to do with anything?
    Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

    PROOF YOU ARE CLUELESS!!!  There was a piece on Queen Victoria on the History Channel the other day.  She is responsible for victorian movement, which made Christmas a beautiful holiday you host and your home.  This movement created the whole idea of being a hostess and ETIQUETTE!!! 

    <strong>Etiquette</strong>. <strong>...</strong> <span class="ft">been described as the one word that aptly describes life during the reign of <strong>Queen Victoria</strong>.
    </span>
    <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etiquette" rel="nofollow">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etiquette</a>
    <a href="http://www.angelpig.net/victorian/visiting.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.angelpig.net/victorian/visiting.html</a>

    Thank you so much for proving my point!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-attire-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:12aaa771-a0e0-4aa7-afca-7e66536ec2f8Post:756728ba-62f8-4861-bda1-349c70320abc">Re: Dress Attire Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, you all are pretty rude to be talking about etiquette. It obviously does concern me or else I wouldn't be asking. <strong>And I can dictate what I'd like my guest's to wear; it is my wedding.</strong> Just my thoughts, which probably do not matter since I'm uncivilized.   
    Posted by hakeefer1[/QUOTE]

    In that case, the appropriate verbage for your invites should be:

    "I think you are all a bunch of idiots and are too stupid to figure out how to dress appropriately for a wedding, so you need to be reminded to not wear jeans, otherwise you will totally ruin MY wedding.  Reception to follow (unless you are in jeans, then you can go the fvck home)."
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-attire-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:12aaa771-a0e0-4aa7-afca-7e66536ec2f8Post:3c20ecbc-da25-4f32-ad74-31969711bca3">Re: Dress Attire Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dress Attire Wording : PROOF YOU ARE CLUELESS!!!  There was a piece on Queen Victoria on the History Channel the other day.  She is responsible for victorian movement, which made Christmas a beautiful holiday you host and your home.  This movement created the whole idea of being a hostess and ETIQUETTE!!!  Etiquette . ... been described as the one word that aptly describes life during the reign of Queen Victoria . <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etiquette" rel="nofollow">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etiquette</a> <a href="http://www.angelpig.net/victorian/visiting.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.angelpig.net/victorian/visiting.html</a> Thank you so much for proving my point!
    Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]

    You just proved you are not as bright as you think you are.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-attire-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:12aaa771-a0e0-4aa7-afca-7e66536ec2f8Post:321ee1d8-bd14-4ed0-a493-2bd33824cfbe">Re: Dress Attire Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dress Attire Wording : Man, I'm getting called a lot of names this week! I'd rather be CLUELESS!!!! about Queen Victoria starting the etiquette movement than a <strong>bratty know it all</strong>.
    Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

    hahaha.  Prime example of "pot calling kettle black."  OP, there is a polite way to say it just look on some sample invitations for wording. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-attire-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:12aaa771-a0e0-4aa7-afca-7e66536ec2f8Post:321ee1d8-bd14-4ed0-a493-2bd33824cfbe">Re: Dress Attire Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dress Attire Wording : Man, I'm getting called a lot of names this week! I'd rather be CLUELESS!!!! about Queen Victoria starting the etiquette movement than a bratty know it all.
    Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

    Like Duh.

    But seriously, etiquette is French in origin.

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  • Holy guacamole!  This thread just went nutty.

    OP, you are not allowed to dictate what people can and can not wear.  It is rude and condescending to adults because it makes them feel like they are too dumb to dress themselves.  The only time saying anything is acceptable is if your venue has a dress code policy...meaning they will not let people in unless they have a sports coat on or something of that nature.

    And honestly, from someone who has been through it...You. Will. Not. Notice. Or. Care. What. People. Are. Wearing.  You will still be married and you will still have a wonderful time.  Will someone really showing up in a pair of jeans completely ruin your day?

    Finally, I don't know about the rest of you, but when I get an invite to a wedding, I look at the time of day and where it is being held (if I don't know the venue I google it)...I then use my big girl brain to decide what is appropriate to wear.

  • See link to Royal Wedding Invitation.  Note that a dress code is listed on the lower right hand side.  There is also a wedding dress code decoder on the knot that has a drop down menu with the different dress codes, so obviously it's very common and acceptable to put a dresscode.
    http://www.people.com/people/package/article/0,,20395222_20467910,00.html
    http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/attending-wedding.aspx

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-attire-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:12aaa771-a0e0-4aa7-afca-7e66536ec2f8Post:fc90be9e-53f2-4848-bd6d-17e74c5e6cac">Re: Dress Attire Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]See link to Royal Wedding Invitation.  Note that a dress code is listed on the lower right hand side.  There is also a wedding dress code decoder on the knot that has a drop down menu with the different dress codes, so obviously it's very common and acceptable to put a dresscode. <a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/article/0,,20395222_20467910,00.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.people.com/people/package/article/0,,20395222_20467910,00.html</a> <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/attending-wedding.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/attending-wedding.aspx</a>
    Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]

    FFS.  You are using the rules the Royal Wedding used!  You are out of your mind.  They are royalty and can do what they want even if it isn't strictly according to etiquette.

    As for TKs wedding dress decoder...TK is full of stupid BS when it comes to what is and is not appropriate for a wedding...like having a list of duties that you should print out and give to your BMs, or advertising HM registries, etc.

  • Let's bring the wildly swinging pendelum back to the middle.

    The original post used the word "request". This is very different from "dictate", which I don't think you actually want to do.

    As far as requesting, I have appreciated in the past suggested dress on the invitation. The majority of invitations I've received include this information. Many guests don't wish to stick out like a sore thumb. If you think someone may find themselves in that position due to cultural differences, rather than them being subjected to unnecessary judgement ("it'll be a reflection on THEM!" but how so? perhaps jeans-at-a-wedding is just what they know), I can't see how it can't hurt to add this detail. Being a small town girl suddenly finding herself at NYC-area upper-middle-class weddings, and having that first awkward experience when I found myself in far less formal attire than the other ladies (where I came from, you just wore something "nice", not necessarily "cocktail attire"), I can definitely see why in hindsight, it would be appreciated.

    If you use words like "cocktail attire suggested" or "semiformal attire encouraged", you're hardly demanding with an iron fist. You're just putting it out there. If the guests still show up dressed quite casually, then clearly they're comfortable with it, and there's not much sense in dwelling on the issue.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-attire-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:12aaa771-a0e0-4aa7-afca-7e66536ec2f8Post:fc90be9e-53f2-4848-bd6d-17e74c5e6cac">Re: Dress Attire Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>See link to Royal Wedding Invitation.  Note that a dress code is listed on the lower right hand side.</strong>  There is also a wedding dress code decoder on the knot that has a drop down menu with the different dress codes, so obviously it's very common and acceptable to put a dresscode. <a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/article/0,,20395222_20467910,00.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.people.com/people/package/article/0,,20395222_20467910,00.html</a> <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/attending-wedding.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/attending-wedding.aspx</a>
    Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]


    And when you become a part of the Royal family, you can do the same thing.  Until then, you should follow <em>real</em> etiquette...
    Anniversary
  • edited March 2012
    http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-invitations-and-announcements/335-wording-formal-wedding-invitations

    "Do not mention gifts or attire on the wedding invitation. If necessary, "Black tie" may be written in the lower right on a reception invitation."
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  • I haven’t read all the above posts, but to be honest I did put "casual dressy attire" on my invites.  We put it in smaller font at the bottom of course. Was it tacky? Maybe…but my father’s side of the family is known to be less than appropriate when it comes to attire to events. I love them because they are family, and would like them to be there, but for once in my life I would appreciate my family actually trying to somewhat have class and taste when going to a function… otherwise they would show up like there spending the day at the tractor pull…stained shirts and all…

    But I also put it on there so my FI’s family knows it’s not super formal, as they would show up in full suit and dress attire.  If they don’t show up because of it, they are petty, and if they do show up in jeans, I tried. It won’t ruin my day, but I will be upset that my family can’t take one day out of their lives to try and dress nice.  Only you know your family... And if they are anything like mine... I know where you’re coming from…

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-attire-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:12aaa771-a0e0-4aa7-afca-7e66536ec2f8Post:c2255832-d4c0-45c6-94a4-2cb7e0a075d8">Re: Dress Attire Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let's bring the wildly swinging pendelum back to the middle. The original post used the word "request". This is very different from "dictate", which I don't think you actually want to do. As far as requesting, I have appreciated in the past suggested dress on the invitation. The majority of invitations I've received include this information. Many guests don't wish to stick out like a sore thumb. If you think someone may find themselves in that position due to cultural differences, rather than them being subjected to unnecessary judgement ("it'll be a reflection on THEM!" but how so? perhaps jeans-at-a-wedding is just what they know), I can't see how it can't hurt to add this detail. Being a small town girl suddenly finding herself at NYC-area upper-middle-class weddings, and having that first awkward experience when I found myself in far less formal attire than the other ladies (where I came from, you just wore something "nice", not necessarily "cocktail attire"), I can definitely see why in hindsight, it would be appreciated. If you use words like "cocktail attire suggested" or "semiformal attire encouraged", you're hardly demanding with an iron fist. You're just putting it out there. If the guests still show up dressed quite casually, then clearly they're comfortable with it, and there's not much sense in dwelling on the issue.
    Posted by greenwoodheights[/QUOTE]

    Still rude to assume guests can not dress themselves. The invites you received were wrong to put it on there. Guests are adults. Most do a quick google of the venue and know what to wear. Or they can call the bride,groom, MOB,MOG, etc. if they have question as to dress.

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