Etiquette

Trimming down a guest list

Hello, Ladies! 
 How do you trim down a guest list without hurting feelings? I am planning a short-notice wedding, and found the perfect venue. However, the wedding package limits the number of guests to 100. Also, has anyone found an effective way to "bargain" up the number of guests? Silly questions, I'm sure. What can I say, I'm new. (:

Re: Trimming down a guest list

  • Have you already sent Save the Dates or told poeople they were invited or anything?

    *please say no, please say no*
  • pkontkpkontk
    500 Comments
    member
    Usually max. guest count is set by a fire code, so the venue may not have wiggle room in that regard.  If they have packages in the same room with a higher number of people, see if there's something they can take out - if they do a full open bar, maybe see if you can take away hard liquor and add five guests.  Could you subtract out a couple passed apps?

    People say its best to invite in circles - i.e., all or nothing with first cousins, great aunts/uncles, etc.  That's always a good rule to follow.
  • Have you talked to the venue about paying a per person price for the number of people over 100? The venues around here that offer packages for 100 guests will usually just charge an additional per plate fee for any guests over 100. As for cutting the list, figure out who your "must invite" guests are, meaning the people you cannot picture your wedding without. Plan to accommodate them and their SOs. Once you know how many people that is, you can decide who to add beyond that number to get to 100.
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  • Perhaps you can increase your guest list with the wedding package you chose by cutting something out of it?  Or if you have a few over a hundred pay a little more?  I would come up with the guest list first and work with the venue to see what they can do with your budget.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    In Response to Re: Trimming down a guest list:
    Have you already sent Save the Dates or told poeople they were invited or anything? *please say no, please say no*
    Posted by LDYGTR13
    You need to answer this question first.  Because if the answer is yes, hold onto your pants!

  • In Response to Trimming down a guest list:
    Hello, Ladies!   How do you trim down a guest list without hurting feelings? I am planning a short-notice wedding, and found the perfect venue. However, the wedding package limits the number of guests to 100. Also, has anyone found an effective way to "bargain" up the number of guests? Silly questions, I'm sure. What can I say, I'm new. (:
    Posted by mecom86

    Do you mean an actual guest list or potential guest list?
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • Depends on your answer to LDY's question. Did you send STDs or invitations and subsequently move up your wedding date? If so, I'm pretty sure you're stuck with your original guest list and will have to find a venue to accommodate them. I *think* the only way around that is if you choose to elope or have a private wedding (immediate family only), and notify everyone who received a STD that your wedding will not be taking place as planned.

    If you haven't sent out STDS or invitations, I don't see a problem with the number of people you invite. You can invite (or not invite) whomever you choose.
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  • IHaven't sent invites yet, but soon! I can pay per plate over 100, but they really ding you. I think if I can find  cheap ways to do flowers and photos, I can afford the extra guests...still figuring that part out!
  • In Response to Re: Trimming down a guest list:
    IHaven't sent invites yet, but soon! I can pay per plate over 100, but they really ding you. I think if I can find  cheap ways to do flowers and photos, I can afford the extra guests...still figuring that part out!
    Posted by mecom86
    Ok.. have you sent save the dates?
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  • Kroot - your background in the picture is so pretty!  


    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • libby2483libby2483
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited July 2012
    If you haven't already invited people (which I'm hoping is the case), here are a few things to keep in mind.

    1) People should always be invited with their significant others, no matter how serious or if you have met the SO or not.  I know you didn't mention this, but cutting out people's SO is one way people often try to cut numbers that is against etiquette.

    2) Sides don't have to be even if both parties are okay with that.  My dad's side alone is close to 50 people, whereas my FI's mom and step-dad's sides combined are less than 15.  

    3) It is often best to invite in circles to aviod hurt feelings.  Example: invite all aunts and uncles, but not first cousins, or invite all first cousins but not their kids.  You don't have to follow this exactly if there are some you are closer with than others.  Depending on your family dynamic, it may be okay to invite 5 of 30 first cousins, but I wouldn't ever invite 25 of 30 and just exclude 5.
  • Thanks, MrsB! Smoky mountains! Our friends got married at a cabin in Pigeon Forge, TN a couple years ago, which is where that was taken. It was beautiful.
    image Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • We had a small guest list of about 85.  We did local family only no further out than 1st cousins. That was about 40 people.  Well, his grandmother and her H were the exception as they had to fly in from CA but they were the only OOT guests.  Our parents invited some close friends so that was another 10 people or so. We divided the remaining number in half and kind of went from there.  We invited our closest friends - closest like if you're in my phone, you were on the original planning list.  Even then, we had to makes some cuts.  It's hard to not include everyone but people understand.  Well, at least they should. ;-)
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • In Response to Re: Trimming down a guest list:
    Thanks, MrsB! Smoky mountains! Our friends got married at a cabin in Pigeon Forge, TN a couple years ago, which is where that was taken. It was beautiful.
    Posted by kroot87
    I kind of thought so. My family is from townsend.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

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