Announcing engagement before telling anyone else?

ChevyGirl25

So...I just found out my "best friend" is engaged...through Facebook. I didn't receive a phone call, not even a text. But I found out about it through my news feed this morning after TONS of people had already commented on it. Needless to say, I thought I was at least worth a text message in this situation and I'm uber pissed that I had to find out through a social network.

Anyone else have thoughts on this? Because IMO, it's not too classy to let your "best friend" find out you're engaged through Facebook.

crfische

That's certainly not how I would tell my best friend, nosiree.

Rosie109

I don't know if I deem it "not too classy" but I could understand why your feelings would be a bit hurt that she didn't tell you herself. 

I am not sure why you keep referring to her as your "best friend". Is her title in jeopardy? 

PsyDet 2155

This is why I made all of the necessary phone calls, texts, emails before I even signed on to Facebook.  Too many hurt feelings when you don't let people know beforehand.  Unfortunately, it seemed the second I got engaged my sister posted it on her status so before I could even text them, friends were calling/texting "Did you forget to tell me something?"

I would be hurt if I was in your position.

FutureMrsTR

Rosie:  www.unneccesaryquotes.com

OP:  Yeah, that kind of sucks.  I called my best friend the next day to tell her.  And kept it off Facebook for at least a week until all of our family had been told.

Ghoti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_announcing-engagement-before-telling-anyone-else?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1feb8794-6726-4e05-9989-eb690f1c0b3dPost:4d506bf4-678a-40dc-8a10-4f670df242c0">Announcing engagement before telling anyone else?</a>:
[QUOTE]So...I just found out my "best friend" is engaged...through Facebook. I didn't receive a phone call, not even a text. But I found out about it through my news feed this morning after TONS of people had already commented on it. Needless to say, I thought I was at least worth a text message in this situation and I'm uber pissed that I had to find out through a social network. Anyone else have thoughts on this? Because IMO, it's not too classy to let your "best friend" find out you're engaged through Facebook.
Posted by ChevyGirl25[/QUOTE]

I tend to think that phone calls are mostly required just for immediate family, but if it bothers you, you should talk to her about it. The fact that you keep putting her in quotes though, seems a little immature. I mean, is she your best friend or not? Stuff like FB announcements shouldn't be enough to make you question your "BFF" status. If you're hurt about it, TALK TO HER. :)

Stackeye210

That would probably hurt my feelings if I considered someone by best friend.  I know when I got engaged, after I called my mom I couldn't decide which best friend to call because I didn't want one to be hurt if they didn't get called first - thankfully when I called one, they were both together so I did it on speaker phone and it all worked out well. 

Rosie109

Isn't it funny how facebook has forever changed the art of announcing your engagement. 

georgia_bride09

I agree. That's not too classy.

shortee426

When I told people I was engaged, I specifically told them to not put anything on FB until I was able to reach certain people.  

I found that my twin brother was engaged through FB.  He didn't call me the night it happened because he thought I was still out of the country.  My uncle had posted a congratulatory note on his FB and I was really upset when I saw it.  I immediately called him and he explained why he didn't call right away and gave me his log-in information so I could delete the comment (as he wanted to announce it to people at a get-together the following day).  

It wasn't his fault but it still super sucked.

emilyinchile

I'm with everyone else - I told the important people, then put it on FB a couple days later.

I would be hurt too, but I would deal with that by calling her, not by posting about it on a message board. Just pick up the phone and say "oh my gosh, I can't believe I didn't know, I just saw it on FB - congrats!" It's fine to express surprise that you didn't know before it hit the internet, but don't make this all about you - she can share the news however she wants. Unless of course the issue is that you're not as close anymore, and that's why she's your "best friend" with the quotes, and this is just another nail in the coffin of that friendship. Then I would only call if I wanted to try to make things better again, otherwise I'd just comment on FB.

VRL

When my fiance and I became engaged, it was 3 am in the morning. I obviously wasn't going to start calling / texting / telling people until later that morning, and specifically warned FI not to post anything on Facebook until we'd had the chance to tell people.

He woke up before me later that morning and, in his excitement (as he claims), changed his status to Engaged. I hadn't even woken up yet, and his friends were congratulating him on FB.

Subsequently, one of my friends called me screaming (literally), she was that upset that I hadn't told her immediately; the whole morning after that was spent doing damage control. I called and texted everyone in my family and circle of friends, or sent private Facebook messages to those I knew wouldn't be close to their phones. Some messages and texts got lost in cyberspace, and I still ended up having to apologize to people for not telling them directly.

As much as it seems that your friend has overlooked you in announcing her engagement, it's very possible that texts / messages she did send you never made it to you. If it upsets you so much, call her with your congrats and (as a PP said) mention your surprise at seeing her engagement on Facebook. If she did send you a message, she'll be the first to say so - if she didn't, I would hope she'd follow up your congrats with an understandable (if not regrettable) explanation.

Birdie1483

I've found out a few of my friends were engaged because of Facebook. One of them I had been good friends with for years and I found out just last week. It did hurt my feelings.

However, I tend to think it's better than finding out through Facebook that your sister ran away and eloped. I would think it would kind of suck to see the status change and not know beforehand. (True story, happened to a family I know)

Calypso1977

i found out my SIL was engaged via facebook.  i was pissed she couldnt even call her own brother. when i said somethign, she said "oh, i tried, he didnt answer his phone".  she never left any kind of message so that he could call her back. lame.

ChevyGirl25

So...I did what you ladies suggested; I sent a text that said "Congrats girl!" to my friend and the conversation went a little like this...

Me: Congrats girl!
Her: Hah
Me: ?
Her: You seem thrilled.
Me: Well...I would rather have heard the good news from you than Facebook.
Her: That's cuz its not legit. Haha! Idk why everyone thinks it is.
Me: Because engagement is sort of a serious thing. And when it's announced by an adult on Facebook, you assume its real.
Her: Who cares. There are eigth graders and sh*t who say they're married to their BFF and sh*t.
Me: Last time I checked we're not in 8th grade anymore.
Her: Not saying we are, but if you haven't noticed there are thousands of people who say they are when they're really not. Get a sense of humor.
Me: Yeah, immature teenagers. Not adults.
Her: What's your point b*itch? Let me have fun.
Me: My point is that maybe you need start acting like an adult instead of like you're 13.

***VENT: I know I was rude. But IMO, engagement/getting married is a serious thing and when you're at the age where other adults take marriage seriously and not as a joke, you don't post that you're engaged because it's "cute" even though it's not real. That's for 13 year olds who claim to be married to their best friend, not an adult in a "serious relationship." ***

Ghoti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_announcing-engagement-before-telling-anyone-else?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1feb8794-6726-4e05-9989-eb690f1c0b3dPost:e37d3082-c5ea-4a0a-8c41-e3e58c332797">Re: Announcing engagement before telling anyone else?</a>:
[QUOTE]So...I did what you ladies suggested; I sent a text that said "Congrats girl!" to my friend and the conversation went a little like this... Me: Congrats girl! Her: Hah Me: ? Her: You seem thrilled. Me: Well...I would rather have heard the good news from you than Facebook. Her: That's cuz its not legit. Haha! Idk why everyone thinks it is. Me: Because engagement is sort of a serious thing. And when it's announced by an adult on Facebook, you assume its real. Her: Who cares. There are eigth graders and sh*t who say they're married to their BFF and sh*t. Me: Last time I checked we're not in 8th grade anymore. Her: Not saying we are, but if you haven't noticed there are thousands of people who say they are when they're really not. Get a sense of humor. Me: Yeah, immature teenagers. Not adults. Her: What's your point b*itch? Let me have fun. Me: My point is that maybe you need start acting like an adult instead of like you're 13. ***VENT: I know I was rude. But IMO, engagement/getting married is a serious thing and when you're at the age where other adults take marriage seriously and not as a joke, you don't post that you're engaged because it's "cute" even though it's not real. That's for 13 year olds who claim to be married to their best friend, not an adult in a "serious relationship." ***
Posted by ChevyGirl25[/QUOTE]

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Rosie109

You are lucky you are in love with your best friend.

emilyinchile

She's weird.

squirrly

My H mass-texted people - including my friends - and changed his FB about 7 minutes after I said yes, while I was on the phone with my parents.  I didn't get the chance to announce things the way I wanted.  He still doesn't get it why that matters, but I threw a fit about wanting to announce the baby my way, since he did the engagement his way without even asking.  I won.   

Not everybody sees it the same way.  Sorry you were hurt by your friend putting it on FB, but maybe she saw it like H did - the more people he could tell faster, the happier he was.  And, then nobody got to complain that they found out after so-and-so, because he told everybody at the same time. 

ETA:  Ok, that whole scenerio is weird.  Weird, weird, weird.

GJones27

I am very happy that my fiance and I waited two months before posting on Facebook.  My FI wanted to wait to tell his close friends in person, and they all live in Brazil, where my FI was from.  It was soooo hard waiting, though....

ourwedding111111

It was so hard not to post on facebook immediately, but it was very important to me that we make ALL of the calls to those closest to us to let them know of our wonderful news.  I think it was 2-3 weeks before we "announced it" on facebook.  It's all based on personal preference and feelings, but that was how we felt about it.  Others might not feel the same, and that's OK.