Etiquette

Two Receptions in Two different states. Who pays for what?

My son is marrying a girl from another state, so they are planning 2 receptions.  The bride has a huge family and it sounds as if they will all be attending the wedding in our state, but they also want a reception in their home state.  How are the costs divided in a case like this?  Any help would be appreciated!!

Re: Two Receptions in Two different states. Who pays for what?

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited March 2012
    Well the short answer is the couple should plan on paying for all wedding expenses.  If someone wants to help with the costs it's a bonus.

    Now where is the ceremony going to be held?  To me that is the 'main' reception.  If its in your state and you planned on hosting that event then I think you need to plan on at least some of her family to be coming.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • The bride and groom pay. If anyone else wants to host a portion (or give them a check for some of it) they give what they can afford. There are no rules. Parents are  responsible for nothing. You can offer to host/pay for something if you want to, but you are not obligated to pay for anything.

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    Married 9/15/11

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  • Why can't everyone just come to the wedding in one state? I'm confused.

    You don't have to pay anything. If the couple, or bride's parents want two parties it's between them and her family to figure out who pays. If I was the MOG I would probably offer to host the rehearsal dinner and that's it. But that itself isn't even necessary.
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  • My fiance and I are from two different states, and our families live all over.  Heck, we live in the UK and are having the wedding in the States.  Nobody is travelling further than we are, but pretty much everyone is travelling to some extent.    We are having ONE reception.  Everyone was invited.  Not everyone can make it, and we understand, but we aren't going to travel all over the country so it's "fair" to everyone.

    Oh yeah...and we're paying for the wedding ourselves.   Because that's what adults do.   Our parents have each chipped in a little bit (a very small percentage of the overall budget for the wedding), but we certainly didn't expect them to.
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  • Are they asking you to help pay?  Whoever WANTS the 2nd reception should pay for it.  And it should really just be more of a party than a WEDDING reception.  Food, drink, music but not wedding-y stuff.

  • Both families have friends and extended family that won't be expected to make a trip to another state, hence the two receptions.  I just want to make it a nice event for the Bride and Groom without stepping on any toes.  Both the B & G still have a year of college to go, so we are happy to help where we can with the finanacial aspect, but usually a Bride's side pays for the reception and the Groom's side pays for the rehersal dinner.  Do I Pay for both the rehersal dinner and a reception in our area and the bride's family pay for the reception in their area?  Or do we pay for the rehersal dinner and split the reception in our area??  This is where I'm totally lost.
  • For my first marriage, we eloped in Utah.  The "reception" was taking our two witnesses to lunch.

    Four months later we had a celebration party in New Jersey with the ex's family.

    One week later we had a celebration party in Indiana with my family. 

    There was no overlap in guests with either parties except my me and my ex.  Perhaps like her family, we don't have big travellers so going 900 miles to a party was not something people do.

    Each of our parents offered to throw us celebration parties at their homes.  We were too dang poor, paying for surgeries, to have any sort of party ourselves or else we would have in Utah.

    Sooooo, if your son and his bride are planning two parties (one is the reception in your state, the other is the celebration party), then they are paying for it. 

    You do not have to pay for anything, there is no rule that says the parents have to contribute - unless you truly want to.  If you want to put forth some money (either a set amount or offer to cover "flowers"), then you get to have some input on things. 
  • ginadogginadog
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    member
    edited April 2012
    "Do I Pay for both the rehersal dinner and a reception in our area and the bride's family pay for the reception in their area?  Or do we pay for the rehersal dinner and split the reception in our area??"

    You pay for whatever you want to pay for.  In this day and age, there really is no guideline like there used to be, nor is it expected.  It seems following the "traditional" method won't work here (with the wedding being in the G's homestate and you don't know what the B's family is doing), so you get to do what ever you feel comfortable with.

    Because at this point you have no idea if the bride's family is going to contribute (if anything, they are not obligated), I am not sure if it's OK to call her parents to ask them what they plan on contributing to the wedding.  I think until both parents have come forward to offer to pay something (the B&G will probably let you know if they hear anything), only then can you all get together with her family to hash out who will pay for what - you, them, the couple.

    Will the couple put any of their own money towards the wedding?  Or were you hoping for it all to be divvied among the parents?

    So they probably should not be planning anything just yet, unless they intend to pay for it themselves.
  • In Response to Re:Two Receptions in Two different states. Who pays for what?:
    Both families have friends and extended family that won't be expected to make a trip to another state, hence the two receptions. nbsp;I just want to make it a nice event for the Bride and Groom without stepping on any toes. nbsp;Both the B amp; G still have a year of college to go, so we are happy to help where we can with the finanacial aspect, but usually a Bride's side pays for the reception and the Groom's side pays for the rehersal dinner. nbsp;Do I Pay for both the rehersal dinner and a reception in our area and the bride's family pay for the reception in their area? nbsp;Or do we pay for the rehersal dinner and split the reception in our area?? nbsp;This is where I'm totally lost. Posted by Tracy Maxfield
    The problem is her family doesn't have to pay. Offer what you can/ want. But do not make an offer based on her family paying as in I will pay for x if they pay for y. And an offer is not stepping on toes, the bride and groom can say no to your offer.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • We're having two receptions. My parents are paying for quite a bit of the "local" wedding, even though it's only local for us, our friends and our professional aquaintances. My parents and family will be travelling in to at least that one. 

    His parents elected to throw a second reception for his extended family in the city where they live and he grew up, and they are covering all the costs associated with it. 

    Under the circumstances, I thought it was a pretty fair way to divide things up, but the cost isn't a strain on my parents, his parents or us, so that probably adds to my sense of it being "fair." 
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  • Who's driving the idea of having the extra party? I would think that person or group would be responsible for it. It also might be smart to have the wedding in a central location rather than having multiple receptions.
  • We are having a reception after the wedding in my hometown. People from both sides were invited and some can make it. We have been planning to have a party this summer in the city we currently live in. some of FI's family doesn't travel and we want to enjoy their company for a day. Our reception will be more formal. Our party will be a nice bbq in a local park facility. We are paying for a good bit of the wedding. My mother is graciously helping with the wedding. His mother graciously gave us some money for the reception dinner. We are entirely hosting the local party. Its what the couple or you are willing to pay no matter the age or stage in life. there are no obligations to parents.
  • In this case I would recommend you offer your son and his fiance an ammount that you are comfortable contributing, then let them use it for whatever part of the celebration they want.  Unless you want specific control over one part of the celebration, this is the easiest way to contribute.
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  • In Response to Re: Two Receptions in Two different states. Who pays for what?:
    In this case I would recommend you offer your son and his fiance an ammount that you are comfortable contributing, then let them use it for whatever part of the celebration they want.  Unless you want specific control over one part of the celebration, this is the easiest way to contribute.
    Posted by Avion22
    Boom. FTW.
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