Planning Disaster

baileysk

I have a friend who is getting married and is having trouble planning her wedding. Things seem to be revolving entirely around her dress/attire. She has every detail nailed but hasn't done anything about food/music/drinks/etc. I've asked her gently about other plans but she isn't really interested. Several people have offered to help her and we've given her checklists, etc to help also.

The event will be reception only as the ceremony is days prior and private. The reception will be at brunch-time (sans food and with a cash bar), no DJ or dancing (maybe Ipod speakers). Meanwhile, she is wearing a high end ball-gown, fur stole, etc. Now, I know it's her day and she should feel special, however the thought of attending a food-less, beverage-less, music-less reception makes me not want to go. The couple is also quite cash strapped and, sadly, she spent 75% of their original budget on her dress. So they are already over budget on the few things they have planned. So up-sizing on food, etc will be hard.

How can I help her focus on the guests more? I want the day to be special, but it feels like it's going to be a dud. How can I bring this up tactfully? I tried subtle and got no where. Should I just stay out of it?

StageManager14

Honestly, if you've already tried to bring it up subtly and it didn't work, I would leave it alone. You're very sweet to worry so much and want your friend to have a great wedding, but unfortunately I don't know what else you can do. Any direct attempts will likely just make her defensive and end in a fight.

Loopyseven

Wow.  This event sounds pretty much like a disaster of etiquette offenses in the making.  If subtle isn't working, depending on your relationship with her, I'd probably say something more blunt.  Or send her here.  We don't have any problems being blunt.

Simply Fated

I'd let it go.
I mean, you tried talking to her about it and she didn't want to hear it. You guys even gave her a list.
Where is her fiance on all this?
Honestly, I'd go, have as much fun as I could, and if I was still hungry afterwards, I'd hit up Taco Bell on the way home.

You could send her here, but if her mind is made up, I suggest the nachos bellgrande.

Cortney1982

Oh boy.  Seems like she is only interested in people showing up to see her dolled up in a wedding dress.  And probably to drop off a gift.

Seems like you already attempted to get her to realize there is much much more to plan.  I'd leave her to it.  She will be dissapointed when everybody leaves after 15 minutes.  Maybe as a last resort, I would hand her a blank piece of paper and let her know that is her reception.  These things don't put themselves together.

Avion22

I think you've done what you can, and probably need to just stay out of it at this point.  Anything else you say or do is going to seem really pushy.   I completely agree that this "wedding" (read: party) is headed for disaster, but I don't think there's anything more you can do without seriously over-stepping.

missglinda14

Let it go. Being blunt with her depending on the relationship you have, I suppose will only make her defensive about her choices, especially since she knows she spent all her money on a dress. If I were you, I would still go to see how long it takes for people to leave. I can't believe she thinks what she is planning qualifies as a reception.

scooterpie7

I agree with PPs saying the best thing to do at this point would be to step back from the planning process as far as possible - avoid being guilty by association! 

Of course, if she asks directly for advice again, you can say that you really think she should consider X and X. 

ashleyy00

Let it go. Since you're a guest, you can leave whenever you want (or when you get hungry). If she doesn't care about her guests now, she won't during the wedding. Everyone will be miserable, but she will still remember her day as wonderful since she wore the dress of her dreams.

Peledreamsofrain

You can't stop a runway train determined to wreck itself without getting run over. You've already done your best, now just step back and let the crash happen without involving you as a fatality.

OwningAHome1981

I think you need to be tactful but honest... As a good friend should be. If subtlety isnt working you might have to be more direct... Ask her if she would want to attend a reception like that? Dont put blame on her but say it in a caring way as that you want people to have fun and you dont want her to embarrased or upset when ppl leave. Suggest simple food. I know its not elegant but even just order a few heroes for people. Maybe you can even say to her that you will order the heroes. Some ppl unfortunately just dont pick up on subtlety and if I were in this situation i would want my friend to be honest with me. Perhaps she doesnt even realise how her reception will be perceived. You are a very good friend for wanting to help.

JoanE2012

Your intentions are good, but at this point I'd just mind your own business.  She's already breaking etiquette by trying to have her PPD after her "private" ceremony days before.  I doubt she really cares about other people and feeding them if she already spent 3/4 of her budget on herself.

aquari0216

Let it be....her ruining her day shouldn't affect the friendship...which will probably happen if she's as much of a dodo as she seems...