STD sent but falling out! What to do...Part 2

thale0924

An old coworker of mine were close three years ago!  I sent him a STD 6 months ago (and now regret it)  We no longer work together and he really let me down  before I was promoted.  I was not planning on inviting him to the wedding because not only do we not talk now, but I know it could not hurt me professionally in any way.  FI and I finalized the guest list, wrote the invitations, and sent (almost all of them...we ran out of stamps 8 short) yesterday. 

I was visiting an old coworker today and he randomly walked in and like we've been talking all the time told me about his "new fiancee" (that he met on instagram a month and a half ago and has never met in person...but the text all day every day so it's okay) He also said how he WAS planning on bringing his best friend but now he'll bring this guy.  (When I was planning on inviting him I was not giving him a plus one) So now, I didn't allot a spot for him in the final guest list AND he brought up bringing a guest (which I know it's not my place to say how serious they are) but I didn't want to invite him AT ALL!

I don't know what to do.  Although I don't really care about the relationship, I am SO bad at confrontation AND I hate hurting people's feelings.  But spending close to $250 to not hurt his feelings doesn't seem worth it to me, especially when there are people who both FI and I like A LOT more (FI and this guy have never gotten along) and think would add to our special day.  I feel like this guy just wants to come for the open bar/free food and to have a chance to get dressed up and pretty.  I just don't know what to say/how to go about it.

Loopyseven

A save the date is as good as an invitation.  You need to invite him.

sharp0099

Once you sent the STD, you must follow up with an invitation. It's not up to you who he invites as a guest. Most people assume they'll get a plus one, especially if they're in a relationship or if they don't know most of your guests. Invite him and his date.

AceTT

He received an STD so he rightfully assumed he is invited. He should be invited with his FI regardless of your feelings towards their relationship.

Avion22

It's really rude to "uninvite" someone, which is essentially what it is if you don't follow a save-the-date up with an invitation.  And obviously this guy is interested in attending, and wants to bring his fiance as his guest.   

You should get more stamps and mail his invite ASAP -- if you know the fiance's name, then you should list it on the invitation (if not, and you can't find out quickly, then "and guest" is okay -- I wouldn't delay more in getting the invitation out).  

If you didn't really want this guy there, you shouldn't have sent him a save-the-date, but it's really too late now.

PhoneCardLady

This is the very reason I do not plan on sending STD's....plus I think they are a waste of money which I can put on something else - WR or not!

thale0924

This isn't a "I just don't feel like inviting him kind of person" it's more of a he did something to completely ruin our what used to be super close relationship.  I am not very forgiving when it comes to people who intentionally hurt me.  So no, he is not invited to the wedding.  He was more than invited when I thought he was the person I knew who was my friend.  I would have completely opened up my hospitality to his new FI or possible FI if he didn't hurt our relationship.

I don't know how clear it is that not only do I not want him there but I would rather not ever see him again.  Because I am bad at confrontation and was blind to what a bad person he was 6 months ago does not mean he needs to be there to ruin my wedding day.  It's not about him. It's about my FI and I.   My FI has not ever liked him and will not care either way if he comes.

mizutamababy

Your post is vague, so it doesn't really seem like you had a "big falling out".  Obviously he doesn't feel that way since he seems to be excited about coming to your wedding and wants to bring the person he is seeing.  You sent an STD, so you need to send an invite.

I also don't get the excuse that people come to weddings for free food.  Honestly free food and booze isn't enough of a reason for me to spend my time getting fancy!ready, use up a good day off from work and/or take off from work, and then spend money on gas to get there and back.