Wedding Etiquette Forum

Gifts if I'm paying??

So my reception venue requires a lot of DIY work that naturally my FI and I won't be able to coordinate ourselves on the big day. So when a friend asked if I needed any help I offered to pay her to help coordinate the wedding (payment seemed neccesary since it would take up more time than making a few favors or something). Should I also get her a thank you gift?

Our budget is mostly accounted for at this point (and only working since my mom has offered to pay for a few things) or else I'd just get her something regardless, but I want to make sure that I'm not being rude if I don't end up getting her something.

Re: Gifts if I'm paying??

  • Did she agree to take payment for her help?

    Regardless, I would reccomend you could send her flowers. If you are paying her, just flowers would be a nice gesture. If you're not paying her, I'd do flowers and a gift card to a spa or something that she'll like.
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  • Maybe a gift card or a meal at a nice restaurant?
  • I honestly wouldn't.  You're paying her for a service.  Not saying she is a vendor, but it's along the same lines.  If you weren't paying her, then I would get her a gift.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-if-im-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e195716-4f1f-45d6-8860-c7320f2dd4d5Post:4e9eb504-7c64-4007-9181-8680813f5a14">Re: Gifts if I'm paying??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I honestly wouldn't.  You're paying her for a service.  Not saying she is a vendor, but it's along the same lines.  If you weren't paying her, then I would get her a gift.
    Posted by gurrlballa10[/QUOTE]

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  • Hrm, i'm torn on this one. On one hand, I love giving gifts to friends. Not only that but you commonly tip vendors, but tipping cash would be kinda awkward here. On the other, she may feel embarrassed if she's already being paid. Not only that, but if things don't go as planned, or something really backfires, it could make her feel guilty as heck. Ack, complicated! I wish I knew the girl in question better. That would probably lean me one way or another.
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  • KellyCJordanKellyCJordan member
    First Comment
    edited October 2012
    A nice and costeffective way to thank her and any other friends/helpers/vendors you really love would be to get a dozen roses from Walmart. You could unwrap them, trim them, and tie a ribbon around each and hand them out individually . The whole thing would cost 10 to 15 bucks but completely show your appreciation.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-if-im-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e195716-4f1f-45d6-8860-c7320f2dd4d5Post:fc92abe0-12ab-4330-ab13-af53430fbb73">Re: Gifts if I'm paying??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Did she agree to take payment for her help? Regardless, I would reccomend you could send her flowers. If you are paying her, just flowers would be a nice gesture. If you're not paying her, I'd do flowers and a gift card to a spa or something that she'll like.
    Posted by ftrmrsweatherdon[/QUOTE]
    I'm paying my wedding coordinator but also plan to tip her by putting the tip inside a thank you card for a job well done (hopefully!).  I might do either cash or a pre-paid credit card from my credit union.  The same will go for all my vendors.  You could do the same by doing something similar to the suggestions above like putting a gift card or pre-paid card inside a thank you card.  I honestly don't think even a cash tip inside a card would be less appropriate than a gift card since she's agreed to be a paid vendor for all intents and purposes and your other vendors will be getting their tips in some way I assume.  It's up to you but once she agreed to be a vendor I think some sort of extra acknowledgment that is equal to other vendors is necessary.
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