Older Couple - Okay to ask for money in lieu of gifts?

trishconrad

My fiance' and I are 46 and 54 and have an established household, so we really don't need the traditional wedding gifts and also do not want the challenge of getting them to our home in Cyprus.  We are paying the full bill for a three day wedding weekend at a castle in Scotland.  Is there an appropriate way to request money instead of a gift? 

midgetthemighty

Yes, there's an appropriate way. By not registering. Most people will get the hint you prefer money.

brilibby4

Just don't register and most people will figure it out.

JaxInBlue

Ditto midge.  Skip the registry, decline any showers you are offered.  People will get the hint.  Nevertheless, you might still get physical items from people who do not like or want to give cash.  You might consider having a small registry of items that are easy to ship - towels, sheets, small kitchen accessories, and other softline items that would fit in a suitcase.

baystateapple

No matter who you are or what your age, it is never okay to ask for money.

AdeleDazeem

It is never okay to straight up ask for money.  Ever.

trishconrad

I had actually thought of recommending donations to a couple of named charities in lieu of gifts, but the tradition here in Cyprus is for all gifts to be money so a friend here suggested it.  Thanks all.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

You never request money OR gifts.

Even when you have a physical gift registry, it's not a request FOR gifts. It's a helpful list you don't advertise, but that exists for people to reference. Registries do make sense, since it helps people buy things you need, and in a particular brand or color you might want.

You don't need to register for cash. It's always a welcome gift. You don't need to dictate a particular type. Just don't register.

I LOVE Scotland and you wedding sounds wonderful! But since I assume a lot of people will be traveling, I would assume they would also make it easy on themselves and bring/give cash vs. shipping or transporting a physical gift.

LesPaul

No, it's not ok - it is always rude to mention gifts, ask for gifts, or direct your guests to give you cash or to pay for something in particular. 

I was 46 when I remarried, and didn't need the traditional wedding gifts.  In hindsight we should have registered for a few household upgrades, but we didn't.  Most of our family and friends gave us cash or giftcards, and a few boxed gifts.

laurenlizzyb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_older-couple-okay-to-ask-for-money-in-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f8d4184-017d-4e55-b7e8-798b656d2945Post:8af78973-f7a3-43f6-b34b-0cbbeb529c78">Older Couple - Okay to ask for money in lieu of gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance' and I are 46 and 54 and have an established household, so we really don't need the traditional wedding gifts and also do not want the challenge of getting them to our home in Cyprus.  We are paying the full bill for a three day wedding weekend at a castle in Scotland.  Is there an appropriate way to request money instead of a gift? 
Posted by trishconrad[/QUOTE]

<div>No.  It is NEVER okay to tell ask people for any gifts, money or otherwise. I am going to assume that yuor guests, knowing your respective ages, will generally assume that you don't really need anything for your household anyway.  That being said there are many people who prefer to give a tangible gift in favor of a money gift.  For that reason you should register and even though you have an established household, everyone can always use things like bed linens, towels, etc.  There are also probably a few things that you could stand to upgrade.  You can set the registry so that gifts are sent directly to your home.  Most people are on to gift giving etiquette and would not bring a large gift to your wedding site.   </div><div>
</div><div>Your only option to spread the world that what you and your fiance need is money is to tell the people that your guests would think to ask- mother, friends, bridal party, etc.  Give them a standard line to tell any guests who ask.  If someone asks you, though, I always tell people that I'd like the gift of their company on my wedding day. </div>

RailWayWife

No its never okay.

trishconrad

I tried to post earlier that my idea was to recommend donations to a couple of selected charities in lieu of gifts, but I do not see it posted and feel like I look like a money grubber when we are certainly the farthest thing from it.

samgirl

register for what you want the money for at www.depositagift.com it's a registry, but for money and not stuff. it's an awesome site with wonderful customer service: http://local.weddingchannel.com/Wedding-Vendors/Deposit-A-Gift-Wedding-Reviews?ProfileId=363585

OwningAHome1981

Even if you don't register, you will still get some gifts. Some people find money very impersonal and would rather give a physical item. No classy way to go about it- you can always return the gifts if you don't want them and get cash.