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Etiquette

Should I Pay for My Maid of Honor's Dress?

Hello Knotties! Please help me!

During the early stages of my planning, my best friend/maid of honor came to me and told me that since she is in school and not working she will not be able to pay for her dress. So me being the emotional person that I am offered to pay for th dress for her which she accepted immediately.

In addition, recently, she started working and now that I am in deeper stages of planning, every penny counts and I am wondering if I should tell her to pay for her dress since she is working now .... The dress that I am looking at is $120 which I think is very reasonable.

What do you ladies think? Should I pay or should my maid of honor pay?

Please leave comments if you like.
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Re: Should I Pay for My Maid of Honor's Dress?

  • I think that taking back your offer would be rude and inconsiderate.  Her working now doesn't all of a sudden mean that she can afford the $$ for the dress.
  • I feel like unless something huge has come up for you, you really need to make good on this promise.

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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
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    edited December 2012
    In Response to Should I Pay for My Maid of Honor's Dress?:
    Hello Knotties! Please help me! During the early stages of my planning (10 months prior to my wedding date), my best friend/maid of honor came to me and told me that since she is in school and not working she will not be able to pay for her dress. So me being the emotional person that I am offered to pay for th dress for her which she accepted immediately. A few months later her mother passed away and I had to make big expenses to supprt her during this time. In addition, recently, she started working and now that I am in deeper stages of planning, every penny counts and I am wondering if I should tell her to pay for her dress since she is working now .... The dress that I am looking at is $120 which I think is very reasonable. What do you ladies think? Should I pay or should my maid of honor pay?
    Posted by evincent1

    My initial vote is that you should pay, since you offered and she accepted.  But, I don't see any reason that you couldn't bring it up and have an honest conversation about it.  This is your MOH, who is presumably your nearest and dearest friend. So, having an honest conversation with her about this shouldn't necessarily be a big deal.

    You could say something like "I know it's been a long time since we talked about the BM dress and since things have changed significantly for us both, I wanted to talk about it again.  Do you think you are in a financial position to cover the cost of your dress?"


    ETA:   I really think you should only have the conversation if you are REALLY in a position that you are struggling with covering the cost. 

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  • In Response to Re: Should I Pay for My Maid of Honor's Dress?:
    In Response to Should I Pay for My Maid of Honor's Dress? : My initial vote is that you should pay, since you offered and she accepted.  But, I don't see any reason that you couldn't bring it up and have an honest conversation about it.  This is your MOH, who is presumably your nearest and dearest friend. So, having an honest conversation with her about this shouldn't necessarily be a big deal. You could say something like "I know it's been a long time since we talked about the BM dress and since things have changed significantly for us both, I wanted to talk about it again.  Do you think you are in a financial position to cover the cost of your dress?" ETA:   I really think you should only have the conversation if you are REALLY in a position that you are struggling with covering the cost. 
    Posted by cmgilpin

    I can go with that, but only if the OP is struggling because of some outside factor, not just because she didn't budget her wedding appropriately. If I blew my wad on some fancy napkins, I'd still pay for the dress, because I was dumb.

    "blowing my wad on fancy napkins." Just wanted to say it again.

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  • To add to what cmg suggested, instead of saying "I picked a $120 dress, can you pay for it?," you might have better luck phrasing it more as "things have changed financially for both of us and I was wondering if you might be in a position to afford a dress - is there an amount you could afford?"If she says she can't afford any dress at all, then just leave it alone and pay in full, but if she gives you a budget under $120, you could either pick a different dress that fits her new budget, or you could offer to pay the difference between her budget and the $120 dress.
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  • I agree you should pay for it since you made the offer. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I think you should stand by your offer.
  • In Response to Re: Should I Pay for My Maid of Honor's Dress?:
    In Response to Re: Should I Pay for My Maid of Honor's Dress? : I can go with that, but only if the OP is struggling because of some outside factor, not just because she didn't budget her wedding appropriately. If I blew my wad on some fancy napkins, I'd still pay for the dress, because I was dumb. "blowing my wad on fancy napkins." Just wanted to say it again.
    Posted by Domino04
    right, I was saying that since OP posted that she had to help financially support the MOH after MOH's mom passed away.

    It doesn't sound like OP didn't budget properly, it just sounds like some stuff happened, and things shifted.  I think OP should be prepared to pay for the dress, but I don't think having a conversation with your best friend is inapporpriate.

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  • I think you need to be prepared to pay for the dress.  Certainly you can bring up in conversation that you previously offered to pay for it for her and circumstances have changed, but if she holds you to your promise, you'd better make good.  But, you don't have to put yourself out for her anymore if it's really not feasible for you to do so.
  • In Response to Re: Should I Pay for My Maid of Honor's Dress?:
    In Response to Re: Should I Pay for My Maid of Honor's Dress? : I can go with that, but only if the OP is struggling because of some outside factor, not just because she didn't budget her wedding appropriately. If I blew my wad on some fancy napkins, I'd still pay for the dress, because I was dumb. "blowing my wad on fancy napkins." Just wanted to say it again.
    Posted by Domino04

    Hahahahahaaa. I don't have anything useful to say. But that made me giggle. 
  • Agree that you should stick to your word. 
  • I had same exact situation. By time we ordered her dress she was working a second job but I had put it out there that I would pay for her dress and I stood by that. If your BM offers to pay for a part of all of the dress since her situation has changed you can are you sure? and if she says yes, then you back out on your offer. But you need to stand by your offer unless she offers to pay herself. You can't ask her after already offering.
  • Considering you already said you would pay for the dress, you should pay for the dress.


  • edited December 2012
    In Response to Re: Should I Pay for My Maid of Honor's Dress?:
    I think that taking back your offer would be rude and inconsiderate.  Her working now doesn't all of a sudden mean that she can afford the $$ for the dress.
    Posted by strlzfan11
    This is true. Just b/c someone works doesn't mean they make a lot of money nor that they can afford things. Plus, yeah, rude to take back the offer.
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  • I see your situation.  Since you already told her you would, you have to.
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