Wedding Etiquette Forum

"Am I Invited?"

How do you tell someone they're not invited to your wedding. Yes, I use facebook, and yes, every once in a while I might slip up and mention something about my upcoming wedding. People then post "am I invited?". What is the nicest way possible to tell them I just can't afford to invite everybody?
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Re: "Am I Invited?"

  • What I want to know is how you accidently post something about anything on Facebook?Everything I post is pretty deliberate.

    Just say that due to cost reasons you're keeping the guest list small. And maybe set up one of those friends groups so that you can custom post to people who are on your guest list rather than everyone on facebook. 
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  • Just be honest and say you are on a tight budget and cannot afford to invite as many people as you would like.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-invited-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4975d5fe-b714-4097-b980-387dc181fb2fPost:33b0145a-1b33-4ce1-bf1e-2b940784833e">"Am I Invited?"</a>:
    [QUOTE]How do you tell someone they're not invited to your wedding. Yes, I use facebook, and yes, every once in a while I might slip up and mention something about my upcoming wedding. People then post "am I invited?". What is the nicest way possible to tell them I just can't afford to invite everybody?
    Posted by Jessalyn2013[/QUOTE]

    If you are early in the planning stages, you can say "we haven't finalized the guest list yet".  The closer you get, you will need to actually say that people aren't included.   I was really honest wit people.  Some people did get their feelings hurt, but at least I was honest.  I just said "We had to keep the guest list to family and close friends". 

    Try to make sure you don't say something that isn't true.  Like, don't say "We are having a small wedding, and had to keep the guest list short", if you are inviting more than say, 75 people.  Once you get near 100, that isn't a small wedding anymore.
  • Well, I guess it's not accidental. For example, I was excited about finding my shoes for the wedding so I said something about that. It's hard to not say anything ever about getting married, I mean, can't a girl be excited! One thing I did notice about "custom" posting, is once you customize it, it stays that way and then I forget that I hid the post from certain people. It's a lot of people to filter out too. II'll just have to be honest with them.
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  • I have about 95-100 people at this point, and I'm already way over what I wanted. It's my fiance that thinks he has to invite every single person he's ever said hello to. The wedding is in April, so I pretty much have my list set.
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  • Also... I posted stuff about the wedding on facebook from time to time... but, I also didn't care, because I was honest about who and who wasn't invited from the beginning.    If you aren't willing to be that forthcoming from the beginning, stop posting on FB.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-invited-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4975d5fe-b714-4097-b980-387dc181fb2fPost:8b8825c3-3ac5-4399-9365-b3bdb1508d0e">Re: "Am I Invited?"</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, I guess it's not accidental. For example, I was excited about finding my shoes for the wedding so I said something about that. It's hard to not say anything ever about getting married, I mean, can't a girl be excited! One thing I did notice about "custom" posting, is once you customize it, it stays that way and then I forget that I hid the post from certain people. It's a lot of people to filter out too. II'll just have to be honest with them.
    Posted by Jessalyn2013[/QUOTE]

    We were engaged for a year and a half before DH and I got married, and of course there were many things along the way that I was excited and wanted to talk about.  I mostly talked about those things with my close friends, but that can get old for said friends if you talk nothing but wedding.  If you want to gush about wedding stuff, just come on TK.  I'm sure there is a forum for you to AW any new item you purchased or DIY project you completed. 
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  • Just be honest, but mindful of their feelings.  Say something like "I'm sorry, our budget really limited our guest list, and we couldn't invite everyone we wanted to."

    It's true, and expresses that had the budget been unlimited, they would have been invited.
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  • SB1512SB1512 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    edited November 2012
    I honestly think it depends on your facebook dynamic on whether or not you should post.  I have a lot of facebook friends, but more than half of them I never see and am only friends with because we went to high school or college together.  I have seen plenty of them post stuff about their weddings and so I am sure that they shouldn't care when I post stuff about my wedding.  And honestly, I like seeing what other people are posting because it gives me a chance to be like, "hey, what vendor are you using for X?"  or, "where did you get your shoes, jewelry, etc, I'm still on the hunt."  I don't go crazy posting wedding stuff, but every once and a while something will appear.......for example yesterday was 7 months until the wedding day so I had a post taking my fiance that read "Guess what FI.....you only have 7 months left to weasel your way out of our wedding" (he always jokes he's not gonna show up).  I received a lot of "likes" but no one wrote stuff about wanting to be invited.  So, I personally feel pretty safe in putting stuff up now and again.
  • PPs have all given good advice.  Also, depending on how far out your wedding is you can make a joke of it so when they ask "am I invited" you could say "right now no one's invited since we're still figuring out what we want to do! LOL"  Someone at my job asked if I was married.  I said no I'm engaged.  He said, am I invited?  I said "I don't even know your first and last name! ha ha ha"   He delivers mail around my department.  Then I just kept giggling as I walked away like I thought it was hilarious.  It's hard for me to say no in a serious way so I like to be humorous when I can.
  • "Oh, I'm sorry (name here), but my parents are hosting the wedding and their guest list is already set."
  • If you're asking if you should respond ON FACEBOOK to comments that say, "Am I invited?" I'm going to go with no. You should delete the comment in question without responding, and then if the person asks you again directly, you can respond as PP have recommended.
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  • U can post whatever the hell u want on whatever you want....its excitement and I've done it....tell the list was already finalized but u can't wait to share pics and stories with them.....be sure to invite me! Lol....yeah I've gotten that too
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  • Simple answer- keep wedding details off facebook.

    Half my FB friends don't even know I'm even engaged. FB is not the place for wedding talk, that is why we have TK, lol.
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