My FI and are writing out our guest list and we're hitting a few speed bumps.
1) His Parents.
His parents were married & divorced by the time my FI was 3. His parents do not get along and don't even go to/come to mutual family gatherings. My stepdaughter ended up having two birthday parties this year (a LONG story) and his mom went to one and his dad went to the other. His Dad didn't even come to this high school graduation because his mom was there. and his mom didn't come to his college graduation because his dad was there. we have a feeling that his mom isn't going to come to the wedding now because his dad is actually the best man in the wedding. (petty, i know) any ideas on how to keep the peace? we really want both of his parents at the wedding, but they argue within 1 hour of being around each other. i kind of think that his mother may still be in her feelings about the divorce (that happened over 20 years ago, by the way).
2) my Dad's Family.
my dad's family is complicated. my dad has his parents and this his real parents. (he was taken from his real parents at age 4 and placed into foster care and adopted at age 8). my grandfather (my dad's adopted father) is actually marrying us. i actually have no idea where my real grandfather is and my real grandmother is nothing but a stone alcoholic (which is why my dad was taken from her to begin with). I don't want them there. I honestly feel like it's going to cause problems. is that wrong?
the other issue with my dad's family is my "cousins." i'm bi-racial. my mother is Puerto Rican and my father is black. as a child, they practically tormented me because of it. they picked on me about my skin complexion (i'm light skinned), about my hair (i[m naturally curly and a brunette), my eye color (it changes, i'm naturally hazel) and anything else they could pick at. i decided not to invite them to my wedding. however, i have a cousin who is my cousin on both sides (her dad and my dad were twins, her mom and my mom were twins) and i did invite her. she's more of a sister to me (she lived with us after her mom died when she was younger). and invited most of my cousins on my mom's side. i guess word of mouth went around and i started getting nasty emails, phone calls, facebook/twitter messages from the cousins on my dad's side telling me that's me being who i've "always been, thinking that i'm better than them.' i've never thought that all lol. am i wrong for not inviting them? i just prefer not to be bullied on my wedding day and i don't want the drama. it's actually embarrassing to me.
aunts and uncles is also a problem too. again, on dad's side. i actually don't like most of them. the blood aunts & uncles and the adopted ones. between both families of dad's, i have 9 uncles and 7 aunts. i only like 4 of those uncles and 2 of those aunts. would it be rude for me not invite the others? again, i feel like if i do, it'll be a problem waiting to happen. they never actually treated any of my father's children right while we were growing up. and ever after my father's death, still haven't. my father has been gone almost a year and they still don't treat us right. it's pretty sad. i personally, keep my distance. again, am i wrong for wanting to be happy on my wedding day?
3) this ridiculous guest list my mother gave me!
so, when it was all said and done, my FI had a guest list of about 325. we left room for his mother to invite 10 people, his father to invite 10 people, my mother to invite 10 people and a few people that i think my dad would have invited too. his mom gives us her list, it's fine, it only have 6 people on there. his dad gives us his list, again it's fine. his list at 4 people. i could only figure out 7 people my dad would invite. that's 17 people right there. my mother submitted her list and it have 50 people. 30 of them, i've NEVER even heard of! the 20 that I have heard of, i think i met, like once?? i'm not even so sure if i really met them, or if i made that up in my head lol. then got mad because i told her no. i'm not having people at my wedding that i don't even know and she needed to narrow it down. She told me that I was being selfish by not inviting all of her wanted guests. I'm sorry, the last time I checked, this was MY wedding. It's really not my problem she's had 3 and still can't get it right!
I'm just flat out irritated at this point in time.