My H and I rent from my family (parents, two uncles and their wives), whom all live on the same large property. As a now married adult, living "on my own" so to speak, I'm having trouble getting them to treat me (and my H) as contributting adults when it comes to family events/activities.
For instance, my aunt invited everyone out to see a play her daughter was in last weekend. I didn't even know about it until I overheard my cousin (not her daughter) talking about it. I had the day off, so cousin asked my aunt to secure two more tickets for H and I. Cousin also mentioned a get-together after the play, but H and I had plans so we didn't go. Aunt never actually invited me to the get-together. Three days later now, my mom is upset I didn't go to the get-together. I know we're close enough that I don't need a formal invitation in the mail, but I was never actually invited and I already had plans- why should I have gone?
There are three different parties planned for Christmas, and I only know about them because I asked my mom. I haven't been called or texted an invitation to any of them (though one IS at my mom's, so I'm not expecting an actually invite from her). People usually bring food, and no one has asked me to contribute a dish. My mom said that the family still treats me as a "kid" because all the other counsins (who are at similar ages to me) live at home / aren't married. So the family expects me to get information from my parents, and still sort of be a family unit with them.
H has the same problem with my uncles/dad when they work around the property. He'll offer to help and ask them to text or call him whenever they're out working (which is at random hours, so they can't just set something up ahead of time). A few days later we'll hear through chatting with my dad that they went out and did a number of things without asking H for help, even though he was home. Later still my mom/dad/uncle will be upset that H isn't "helping out" around the property.
Sorry this is long. I'm sure the answer to my problems is "just ask them to contact you," but I feel like that would be rude- to point out that they're not treating me as an adult. And obviously, that isn't working with H and the uncles, who just do things without him. I don't want to keep making excuses why I'm not attending events or why H isn't helping when it's not actually our fault- but I also don't want to say they're totally to blame.
Any ideas to change the situation?