Step-Dad or Dad walk me down the aisle?

coxmal

This issue is really stressing me out! I can't decide who to have walk me down the aisle. My parents divorced when I was 6 years old, and my mom remarried my step-dad when I was in 7th grade.  My step-dad has been wonderful to me. He has been the one there for me throughout the years. He has been to every basketball game, dance competition, cheerleading event I've had. I know if I need something done around the house I can call him and he will come fix it. I know if my car breaks down, he will leave work and come fix it...you get my point.  My father however has not always been there for me. I see him usually once or twice a year, christmas and thanksgiving. He doesn't call on my birthday, in fact I don't know if he remembers when it is, and he didn't pay child support when I was growing up. STILL, he is my flesh and blood father and he is not dead, so I felt like I should at least include him in walking me down the aisle, maybe halfway. My mom was furious when she heard this and said he does not deserve to be in any part of my wedding, and should only be invited as a guest.  She said my step-dad would be very hurt if I allowed my dad to walk me down the aisle.  I told her I felt I would really hurt my dad's feelings if I had my step-dad walk me down, and she doesn't seem to think it will.  I then said I would rather have no one walk me down the aisle because I don't want to deal with it, and she was once again mad and said my step-father would be really upset. 

The main thing is I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. My step-dad has three younger girls so he will get to do this 3 other times, where my father will not get to.  I pointed this out to my mother and she said my step-dad has said multiple times that I mean more to him than his own dauthers...don't know if I believe that but whatever.

Am I being too sensitive towards my dad's feelings? Will it look bad to have someone who everyone in my family hates walk me down the aisle? Is my thinking logical??

Please help!

Thanks

katiewhompus

I think you are giving him more credit than it's worth. Either have your step-dad walk you down or walk alone, but prepared for your step father being hurt. If your dad really wanted this privaledge than he should have been more involved in your life up until now.

mwhitson14

I would choose you feels like a DAD to you, not just a sperm donor. Seems like a clear choice to me. Think you'll hurt sperm donor's feelings? Oh well, he's not a part of your life anyway, right? But hurt your step-dad's feelings? He's the one that IS a part of your life, and you'll have to live with his hurt feelings.

chrissyjake

I would go with who you WANT to walk you down the aisle. 

I hate to ask....but who are you going to have a father daughter dance with?

SummerBoston10

I also think that you should do what YOU want to do.  I have a stepfather and a biological father and BOTH of them walked me down the aisle because that was what I wanted.  My dad and I have always had a good relationship but my stepdad was my dad too and I lived with him since my mom re-married when I was in 2nd grade.  It was a very tough conversation to have with my dad and he was hurt but eventually he came around and understood my perspective.  I did my father/daughter dance with my biological father. 

princess0711

Just a thought ... why don't you have your mom walk to down the aisle?

LauraT25

The flesh-and-blood argument doesn't cut it for me.  If he hasn't been a father to you, you are not obligated to have him walk you down the aisle.  From what you said, I would suggest that you either have your step-father or your mother walk you, or walk by yourself.

coxmal

Thank you all for your reploes! It has really made me feel better about it. I really do want my step-dad to walk me, I just am sooo afraid of hurting my dad's feelings. I didn't want to worry about hurting his feelings at my wedding when I'm supposed to be happy.

One of you opened my eyes when you said my step-dad would be hurt and that would be much harder to deal with than my dad because I see my step-dad all the time. 

Oh, and I did present the option of my mom only walking me, and she said my step-dad would be hurt about that too.

Come to think of it, my dad gets super nervous and probably doesn't want to see the other side of the family much anyways, so he might appreciate just being a guest and sitting in the back. Maybe to involve him in some way, I can do a father-daughter dance with first my step-dad and then with him. 

mcnmh11

My situation is similar to yours. My parents divorced when I was 3 and my mom remarried when I was 5. My step dad has been a huge part of my life, and my dad has started having a better relationship with me. I am going to have them both walk me down the isle. I want both of them by my side on that day!

Starlight Kel

Have them both walk you down.  One on each side.  Thats how my sister did it and no one was hurt.  They shared the father-daughter dance too.  Hope it helps!