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Etiquette

guests paying for accommodations

We have everyone staying at the same resort (everyone is coming from out of town), but in order to secure this we opted to pay the entire deposit ourselves (smallish wedding- 50 people, mostly big families) and then guests can pay us. We felt it would be more stressful and complicated to have everyone trying to book their own suites and waiting for them all to phone the resort to book. What format do we send out this information (save the date cards, knot rsvp email, invitations) and how do we word this that they are paying us for the rooms and not the resort itself? Also because one family of 7 staying in one suite is not going to pay the same as 7 separate guests staying in a suite the same size, we have to break down the cost for each party individually, as opposed to sending out mass accommodation information. I know they are expecting to pay for their own accommodation, I just want to know how to word the money coming to us instead of to the hotel. Thank you.

Re: guests paying for accommodations

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Is there a reason they all need to be at the same hotel?  I am just thinking of the possibility that some people may not feel the hotel is affordable for them and might prefer to stay somewhere else if possible. 
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Are you sure everyon wants to stay at the same location?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to guests paying for accommodations:
    We have everyone staying at the same resort (everyone is coming from out of town), but in order to secure this we opted to pay the entire deposit ourselves (smallish wedding- 50 people, mostly big families) and then guests can pay us. We felt it would be more stressful and complicated to have everyone trying to book their own suites and waiting for them all to phone the resort to book. What format do we send out this information (save the date cards, knot rsvp email, invitations) and how do we word this that they are paying us for the rooms and not the resort itself? Also because one family of 7 staying in one suite is not going to pay the same as 7 separate guests staying in a suite the same size, we have to break down the cost for each party individually, as opposed to sending out mass accommodation information. I know they are expecting to pay for their own accommodation, I just want to know how to word the money coming to us instead of to the hotel. Thank you.
    Posted by oceanspitfire
    This just seems like a giant clusterflvck. Personally, I find it very inappropriate to tell your guests they have to pay you, since you made the decision to book all of the rooms.

    If you only paid the deposit, does that not mean there is still the regular room fee to be paid? Personally, I would eat the deposit and let the guests pay the resort the remainder of whatever fees there are when they choose to book.
  • I would set it up so that the resort will refund your deposit once the rooms are booked.

    Also, you can't take credit cards and I would want to book my room with my credit or at the very least debit card, not cash. That's way too much hassel.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I wanted to add that you are causing yourself way more stress doing it this way.   Uncle Bob might not pay you as quickly as he might pay the resort.  I can see you trying to track down payments from your own family.

    Plus how do you know how many are actually coming?  What if only half the list comes, who picks up the extra costs.

    And I don't understand the pricing?  Are the rates by room?    For example I know a guy who always pays for a suite just for him.  I know a familiy of 4 who will stuff everyone into the cheapest room.  How would you handle that situation?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Honestly, it seems kind of awkward. Normally in this situation the hosting couple just reserves a block of rooms, and guests call in to take advantage of it on their own time. If they don't want to reserve there, they aren't put on the spot about it. Now every person has to report their reservations to you, and it might be embarrassing to have to explain that they aren't staying there.
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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to Re:guests paying for accommodations:
    I would set it up so that the resort will refund your deposit once the rooms are booked. Also, you can't take credit cards and I would want to book my room with my credit or at the very least debit card, not cash. That's way too much hassel. Posted by msmerymac
    This. I would just talk to the resort and see what your options are.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to Re: guests paying for accommodations:
    I would set it up so that the resort will refund your deposit once the rooms are booked. Also, you can't take credit cards and I would want to book my room with my credit or at the very least debit card, not cash. That's way too much hassel.
    Posted by msmerymac

    Good point on the credit card.  Not only that, if I have to cancel for some reason getting my money back from the resort would be much easier than from the couple.


    I think your heart is in the right spot, logistically I don't think it's very good idea.   Mixing money and family rarely turns out well.  With 50 guests  it's almost a guarantee there will be a problem






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to guests paying for accommodations:
    We have everyone staying at the same resort (everyone is coming from out of town), but in order to secure this we opted to pay the entire deposit ourselves (smallish wedding- 50 people, mostly big families) and then guests can pay us. We felt it would be more stressful and complicated to have everyone trying to book their own suites and waiting for them all to phone the resort to book. What format do we send out this information (save the date cards, knot rsvp email, invitations) and how do we word this that they are paying us for the rooms and not the resort itself? Also because one family of 7 staying in one suite is not going to pay the same as 7 separate guests staying in a suite the same size, we have to break down the cost for each party individually, as opposed to sending out mass accommodation information. I know they are expecting to pay for their own accommodation, I just want to know how to word the money coming to us instead of to the hotel. Thank you.
    Posted by oceanspitfire
    I guess it's water under the bridge if you've already put the money down.  But I don't understand why it would be more stressful and complicated for people who I would guess have made reservations before, to make their own?  Either way, you still have to wait since some might bail on you and not come.  But if the money is gone then the PP who advised that you should make an arrangement with the resort to ensure your deposit is refunded once they pay the resort seems to be the best option.  Everything else just seems too complicated.  An STD with your website and the booking info on there should suffice.  You can just include a message that you and your FI have already put a hold on your guests behalf on all the rooms.  Hopefully, they will be able to figure out what that means if they know anything about reservations.
  • Like PP said see if the resort will charge your guests the deposit and refund you when they book.  If they aren't willing to do that I think you just bought yourself some hotel rooms, b/c I don't think there's any appropriate way to ask your guests to pay you back.
  • oceanspitfireoceanspitfire member
    First Comment
    edited November 2012
    thank you for all the feedback. I agree about the cluster### and will discuss this with the resort tomorrow about having the guests pay them.
    To answer some questions: The deposit is first night's stay for each room, not including taxes. So the rooms are all paid for minus taxes. I like the idea of getting the hotel to refund us the deposit after guests pay in.
    To answer another question: It's 50 people, but most of those are all 4 groups of people, my brother's family, my sister's family, one friend's family, and his sister's family. And we had already discussed with everyone about staying at the same resort where the ceremony and reception will be since it's somewhat remote and we don't want anyone driving. Sorry I should have clarified that in my original post- it wasn't a decision that we made without any prior consultation lol.
    As to the  cost, you're not going to find anywhere close a spacious 2-story 3 BR 2 bathroom brand new suite, with fireplace and balcony and big kitchen, on the beach, that fits 8 people for 180 dollars.
    Anyway, the main thing is almost half of those 50 are all my immediate family- parents, siblings and their families, and most of the rest are his siblings, and we talked extensively about destination and how far they'd have to come etc etc. So nobody is getting railroaded into staying somewhere they don't want to lol.
    I'm sure more posts have appeared by the time I hit send- fiance and I were just talking on the phone about this as I was posting lol.
    Will get the 4 families staying in the big suites to pay the resort and then get the resort to refund us whatever the difference is. (part of that money can go to taxes and the 2 extra nights the two of us are staying.
    Thanks for putting that all in perspective for me :)
  • given your update I will modify my advice a little:  if the resort's not willing to work with you (still probably the easiet way all in all to deal with it) I think it's fine to ask immediate family that you pre-arranged this with to pay you back.  Like if you were planning a family vacation and one person booked all the airline tickets so you could sit together or something...

    I was imagining you send a pamphlet to your great aunt sally like "hope you can come to the wedding!  by the way we already paid for your room so you owe us $200"
  • I read your update, and still agree that you should ask the resort to take deposits from people, and refund you the original deposit amount.  I'm sure they have dealt with this before.  What if people check in and charge drinks, expenses, ruin things, and that is all under your room or deposit?  Are you going to be responsible, since you booked the room.

    It sounds like a horrible hassle and has the potential to go VERY wrong. 

  • s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited November 2012
    In Response to Re: guests paying for accommodations:
    I read your update, and still agree that you should ask the resort to take deposits from people, and refund you the original deposit amount.  I'm sure they have dealt with this before.  What if people check in and charge drinks, expenses, ruin things, and that is all under your room or deposit?  Are you going to be responsible, since you booked the room. It sounds like a horrible hassle and has the potential to go VERY wrong. 
    Posted by cmgilpin
    I fully agree with cmg on this one...
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    You can set up a PayPal account. You can have people pay the account with their credit cards. Maybe that will be similar to paying the resort since it's online?? Maybe that will make people more responsible? And your PayPal instructions could incude a pay-by date. People should expect to pay before their stay.



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