Etiquette

Define "hosting"

I understand that if the bride's parents, groom's parents  or both are hosting the wedding that their names should be included on the invite. However, can someone explain exactly what "hosting" is? For example, for our upcoming wedding, my fiance and I are paying for the entire venue, my dress, his tux, cake, favors, transportation, honeymoon etc. My parents told me they're going to *try* to pay for the chair covers, and FI mother is paying for the RD. Are we supposed to include their names on the invitation?

Re: Define "hosting"

  • aragx6aragx6
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    From what you've said, you're clearly the host, but going with "Together with their parents" wouldn't be a bad plan either.

    Lizzie
  • People put way too much importance on who's paying what.  Talk to both sets of parents and see what they would like and go from there. 
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  • Both of the PPs advice are good here. It sounds like this is a communal effort, so have a talk about it and likely you'll end up with something like "Together with our Families"
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination
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    From that information, you are hosting the wedding, because you are paying.  You can have only your names on the invitations as hosts.  However, if you want to include your families, you can say 'together with their families' or something of the like. 

    Your FI's mom is hosting the rehearsal dinner, therefore she issues the invitations in her name.

  • In Response to Re:Define :
    People put way too much importance on who's paying what.nbsp; Talk to both sets of parents and see what they would like and go from there.nbsp; Posted by adamar15
    I agree but slightly dusagree. Our parents didn't pay but we still put their names after ours on the invites. I do get annoyed when parents paid for everything and they aren't included. I realize the parents might be okay with this but, at a recent wedding that did this, it felt like the bride and groom were trying to hide that their parents paid for everything.
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  • In Response to Re: Define "hosting":
    From what you've said, you're clearly the host, but going with "Together with their parents" wouldn't be a bad plan either.
    Posted by aragx6
    I like this answer best, and TBH, if both of yoru families are supportive of this wedding, then I would consider putting "together with their parents/families" just because I think it's a nice way to honor them.

  • I think it's more about what works for your families.  Our parents aren't paying for the wedding, we are doing it 100% on our own.  That said, it was still important to us to have our parents names listed on our invitations.  It was more out of respect and acknowledgment than anything else.  Ours read:

    Melissa Lindsey _____

    and

    Ralph Louis ____

    together with their parents

    Todd and Toni _______

    and

    Margaret _______

    Invite you ......

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  • I like "together with their families" and I've seen it on a lot of wedding invitations. Having said that, I would probably talk to both sets of parents, so invitations don't get sent out,and  they get them and are surprised/hurt later down the road because they were unaware of how they'd be worded. You just never know--better safe than sorry.


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  • In Response to Re: Define "hosting":
    I think it's more about what works for your families.  Our parents aren't paying for the wedding, we are doing it 100% on our own.  That said, it was still important to us to have our parents names listed on our invitations.  It was more out of respect and acknowledgment than anything else.   Ours read: Melissa Lindsey _____ and Ralph Louis ____ together with their parents Todd and Toni _______ and Margaret _______ Invite you ......
    Posted by mlperkins12
    This is our exact scenario, and we are writing our invitations exactly like this.  Although our parents did not pay for our wedding, they raised us, paid for our upbringing, and were our support system from day one, and that to us mattered more than one night's total bill.
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  • edited June 2012
    In Response to Re:Define:
    In Response to Re:Define : I agree but slightly dusagree. Our parents didn't pay but we still put their names after ours on the invites. I do get annoyed when parents paid for everything and they aren't included. I realize the parents might be okay with this but, at a recent wedding that did this, it felt like the bride and groom were trying to hide that their parents paid for everything.
    Posted by HandBanana
    How do you know their parents paid? We paid for everything, and we hosted our own wedding. This also included us greeting and thanking all of our guests. I would assume, if parents are hosting, they would be paying for some things, determining at least part of the guest list, greeting guests, and probably giving speeches/toasts.

    Our parents were basically there as our guests. :)


    ETA: we did not include our parents' names on the invitation, as our parents actually knew very few people at the wedding. We included them on the program. My in-laws were included on the RD invite, since they did host that.
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  • In Response to Re:Define :
    In Response to Re:Define:In Response to Re:Define : I agree but slightly dusagree. Our parents didn't pay but we still put their names after ours on the invites. I do get annoyed when parents paid for everything and they aren't included. I realize the parents might be okay with this but, at a recent wedding that did this, it felt like the bride and groom were trying to hide that their parents paid for everything.Posted by HandBananaHow do you know their parents paid? We paid for everything, and we hosted our own wedding. This also included us greeting and thanking all of our guests. I would assume, if parents are hosting, they would be paying for some things, determining at least part of the guest list, greeting guests, and probably giving speeches/toasts. Our parents were basically there as our guests. :ETA: we did not include our parents' names on the invitation, as our parents actually knew very few people at the wedding. We included them on the program. My inlaws were included on the RD invite, since they did host that. Posted by msmerymac
    Her father talked about it in his speach, the BM mentioned it in his speach, and the groom mentioned it later. I was mostly annoyed because the bride had been venting to me about her MIL and the guestlist and then I find out the parents had paid for everything.
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  • In Response to Re: Define "hosting":
    Honestly, I don't really like "together with their families".  It sometimes solves complicated family problems, but the OP doesn't really have any of that going on.  Your shouldn't really list yourselves as the hosts of your wedding, either.  This would be my preference: The pleasure of your company is requested at the marriage of Bride's Full Name and Groom's Full Name Date time Venue City, State
    Posted by CMGr
    By "hosting" ourselves, I mean that we used this language. Which sort of implies no host, but in reality, it's us.
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  • In my region, HOSTING is very very different from PAYING.

    HOSTING means a lot of pre-wedding work, including coordinating the family issues and guest list, venue visits and contract negotiations regarding color of napkins and food, band/dj issues, cocktail party stuff, transportation coordination going  from the airport and back to pick up and deliver people, and what hotel each person is staying at or which what local family member each person is staying at, etc. 

    And a lot of day-of-wedding work, like coordinating the time table, and who is supposed to be going for hair/makeup and who is going in what car, and meeting family and dealing with family issues and problems, and dealing with ceremony location coordinators and venue catering/reception people, etc.

    Really the bride and groom can't be the "go to" people the two weeks prior to the wedding - because they are wrapping up things at work and trying to focus on the foundation of the marriage,  and at the ceremony and at the reception venue.  If people have problems (and they will), they go to the bride's parents who are traditionally hosting the event.
  • edited June 2012
    My parents live out of state and weren't able to help a whole lot in the wedding planning. My mom volunteered to help with a few things that she was able to do from a distance (like make jewelry), but I did 99% of the planning myself. NBD, that's what I wanted b/c I really enjoyed it. My parents also paid for our honeymoon, but not the actual wedding. MIL paid for the RD, but not the actual wedding.

    So in our case, H and I were definitely the hosts and wanted to take credit for all the work (and money) we put into our big day, but we also wanted to acknowledge our parents, who were helping out with other aspects of the wedding, and who had spent years of their lives raising us.

    And . . . we also wanted our invites to reflect our faith values, so the wording we came up with was focused on God bringing the two of us together and their wasn't room to put our names and all the parents names and everything else we wanted. The best choice for us, then, was to go with the "together with their families" option. I knew my parents wouldn't care either way, but I did send a copy to MIL before ordering and she was ok with it too.

    It was perfect for us. In your case, OP, I think you should either go with "together with their families" or go ahead and list the parents' names because they are helping out somewhat and they did raise you. But either way, it is up to YOU and your FI b/c you are technically hosting.
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