Help! 1st time maid of honor

amandagerrity

My best friend just asked me to be her maid of honor. I am incredibly excited but am unsure of what all I will need to do. I am thinking of putting together little binders for the other bridesmaids with contact info, a calender of important dates, and room to add budgeting suggestions, bridal party/bachelorette suggestions etc. Is this an okay thing to do to try and stay organized? or what are other suggestions?

Snippylynn

Um... if a MOH gave me a binder with all of that stuff, I'd be pissed. If you want to do that for yourself, that's fine, but no one needs a minder. 

Just realize that BM's do not have to do anything more than show up wearing a dress.  If you want to help the bride more than that, plan these parties, that's fine.  But remember that you need to talk to anyone else who is interested in helping to host (not forcing!! Just if they offer!) any parties, that you do so within a set budget.  

Weddings are expensive enough for bridal party members.  Don't make it annoying too!

Viczaesar

I think you're overthinking it.  There isn't anything you or the rest of the wedding party needs to do besides get the dress when the time comes.  Contact information can be shared via email, and what sorts of important dates do you plan on telling them?  Frankly, I'd be put off by a MOH who gave me a binder. 

Don't assume that they're going to be involved in planning a shower or bachelorette party.  When it's time to plan those things, if you want to plan them (a lot closer to the wedding!), ask each of them individually whether they would like to contribute, and if so how much they are willing to spend or in what way they'd like to be involved.  There's not really anything you should be putting in a binder about that.

LittleMissCutiePie

Binders are not necessary. It's great that you want to help, but you are under no obligation. It's no secret around here that bridesmaids and maids of honor are abused by the modern bride, and really your only requirements are to show up sober and in a previously agreed upon outfit. If you want to help, go for it, but just know you don't have to. Also be aware that some of the bridesmaids (if not all) will not be as jazzed about the idea of helping as you are. If you feel the need to keep the girls up to date, I'd add them on FB and send them very occasional FB reminders (Ex. : "Hey gals, remember Bride's bachelorette is on this day at this time! See you there1"). There is no need to make up calendars. Just remind them as important days come up. Don't bug them every other day (I speak from experience) about wedding stuff. If you want someone to talk to about your friend's wedding, talk to her. I'm sure she'd be thrilled to know how excited you are, and how willing you are to be so helpful.

kmmssg

Your heart is in a great place but please don't do the binders.

I also want to caution you against what you may read as bridal party duties.  Those things were written in the dark ages when women really didn't work or attend college.

It is great when bridal party members want and VOLUNTEER to help with things but it isn't a requirement and shouldn't be an expectation.  A couple of pointers I can think of from past bridal party problems:

1.  MOH plans shower and then just tells everyone how much they owe her. Um, No.  When shower chit chat comes up and if you want to host a shower ASK each bm privately if she would like to participate and what her budget is.  Don't make grandiose plans and expect others to pay for something they didn't agree to in the first place.

2.  Don't get caught up in drama.  If someone is complaining about the price of the dress to you, or the price of the shower or bach party DO NOT TELL THE BRIDE.  It isn't her business and she shouldn't get in the middle of the gossip between others.

You sound pretty pumped to be the MOH.  Just don't overthink it, don't believe the shows on TV and remember everyone has a life outside the wedding.  You will do fine, just lose the binder idea.

cwill6212

If you are willing to volunteer and help the bride with things (although not required) just ask the bride what she needs from you. I think this will clarify your role and allow you to assist her in the places she needs you most. I love your excitement and think you'll make a great MOH

bisous12

Wow!  A lot of ladies opposed to binders... I did this for all my girls and they LOVED them.  (3 of them are Type A personalities though).    I am having a DIY wedding as much as possible and made that clear when asking the girls if they wanted to be a BM...this is a lot more than "show[ing] up wearing a dress".  I picked my girlfriends who I knew would want to play a big role in the day.  

Maybe ask the bride what she thinks though?  Maybe it just depends on the expectations though...my girls and I are having a blast so far, binders and all!

Good luck, you sound really dedicated to your role, I'm sure you'll be a great MOH!

amandagerrity

Okay thanks everyone! I may be overthinking it a tad I just want to make sure my friend has the best wedding possible! Would it be acceptable then to just make one for myself to keep all of my stuff in? 

mari0225

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1st-time-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55fc089a-6f60-4806-86f8-7af01bd792c7Post:7fa97b5a-beb3-4876-a32a-b80ccced5d0d">Re: Help! 1st time maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay thanks everyone! I may be overthinking it a tad I just want to make sure my friend has the best wedding possible! Would it be acceptable then to just make one for myself to keep all of my stuff in? 
Posted by amandagerrity[/QUOTE]

Yes I think that would be fine, I have a binder for my wedding, it's really helpful to keep everything organized.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1st-time-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55fc089a-6f60-4806-86f8-7af01bd792c7Post:66287e4e-f0fb-4bf2-bd27-5965f95c87ca">Re: Help! 1st time maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow!  A lot of ladies opposed to binders... I did this for all my girls and they LOVED them.  (3 of them are Type A personalities though).  <strong>  I am having a DIY wedding as much as possible and made that clear when asking the girls if they wanted to be a BM...this is a lot more than "show[ing] up wearing a dress". </strong> I picked my girlfriends who I knew would want to play a big role in the day.   Maybe ask the bride what she thinks though?  Maybe it just depends on the expectations though...my girls and I are having a blast so far, binders and all! Good luck, you sound really dedicated to your role, I'm sure you'll be a great MOH!
Posted by bisous12[/QUOTE]
That was inappropriate of you.

daveANDkristen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1st-time-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:55fc089a-6f60-4806-86f8-7af01bd792c7Post:66287e4e-f0fb-4bf2-bd27-5965f95c87ca">Re: Help! 1st time maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow!  A lot of ladies opposed to binders... I did this for all my girls and they LOVED them.  (3 of them are Type A personalities though).    I am having a DIY wedding as much as possible and made that clear when asking the girls if they wanted to be a BM...this is a lot more than "show[ing] up wearing a dress".  I picked my girlfriends who I knew would want to play a big role in the day.   Maybe ask the bride what she thinks though?  Maybe it just depends on the expectations though...my girls and I are having a blast so far, binders and all! Good luck, you sound really dedicated to your role, I'm sure you'll be a great MOH!
Posted by bisous12[/QUOTE]

If your BMs are are into helping you plan, DIY, etc. that's nice for you.  But it really wasn't appropriate for you to "make it clear to them" when you asked them to be BMs that this was part of their responsibility.  BM status should not be dependent on how much they want to do for you. 

bisous12

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1st-time-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55fc089a-6f60-4806-86f8-7af01bd792c7Post:59401253-da4b-4a6d-bcec-92ff79b75982">Re: Help! 1st time maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! 1st time maid of honor : If your BMs are are into helping you plan, DIY, etc. that's nice for you.  But it really wasn't appropriate for you to "make it clear to them" when you asked them to be BMs that this was part of their responsibility.  BM status should not be dependent on how much they want to do for you. 
Posted by daveANDkristen[/QUOTE]

I made it clear because we are all finishing school and one is a nurse and I knew my wedding would be time consuming every now and again so EXCUSE ME for being upfront and HONEST about how I envisioned the dynamics of my wedding party...funny that none of them declined and are SO excited about the planning. (Gotta love over-acheivers!)<div>
<div>Planning a wedding is the greatest opportunity to share the preperation for the greatest day of your life wiith your closest girlfriends (and my girls LOVE that they are involved and are even trying to assign themselves duties).  </div><div>
</div><div> I think it's AWFUL that a BM today "just stands pretty" by the bride and that's all she does...does that give your wedding any meaning at all? I've been a BM and honestly...after spending almost $1000 on my friends wedding and all I had to do was stand up at the front, I was pissed.  This experience is meant to be shared with the people you love.  Maybe if girls figured out how to be half-decent BMs or brides learned how to delegate we wouldn't have Bridezillas.</div><div>
</div><div>Like the PP said, if you accept a MOH or BM position you should WANT to be helpful...Kudos to all the MOHs and BMs that are dedicated enough to do everything they can to make this the most meaningful and symbolic day for the bride and groom.</div></div>