Etiquette

Courtesy Invitation?

Eleven days left, and my family is still finding ways to stir the pot.

Way back eleven months ago, in the midst of planning, I asked 2 of my cousins if they could attend, so that either they or their children, could be participants.  They both said most likely not, but would get back to me.  A few months later, as we were finalizing it up, we asked again, still undecided they said.  Then finally, a month or so after that, and when the rest of the family all had their travel plans finalized, they gave the final & flat-out no.  For whatever reason, they would not be attending.  Done deal, right?

Apparently not.  My aunt (mother of these two) is fuming over why her children were 'snubbed' and not invited.  I'm confused ... they're not coming, so why send them one?  Would'nt that only 'obligate' (for my family, invite = gift, attending or not) them to send a gift, which I don't really feel the need to burden them with?

With eleven days left, my mom's blaming the post, and asking me to resend.  I don't see the point.  They gave their best wishes months ago when they declined, they never intended to make travel plans to fly to LA and clearly stated that they weren't going.  I'm not sure if this is my aunt stirring the pot, or my cousins, but either way it just seems silly (or am I?)

Bottom line - resend one, or not?  (And if so, just take out RSVP?)
Anniversary

Re: Courtesy Invitation?

  • pkontkpkontk
    500 Comments
    member
    Did you send them a paper invitation?  If they were on the guest list, they should have received one, in spite of telling you verbally they could not attend.
  • You could send it and just scribble a note with it saying, "We'll be missing you on our big day!  Hopefully we can catch up soon!". 

    I'm a big fan of the courtesy invites - honestly, in the grand scheme, a couple extra invitations are not going to  break the bank.  Heck, FI and I are sending one to the Obamas because we heard they send you a wedding card!  (Although if they actually came to the wedding I might have a heart attack!)
    White Knot Wedding Countdown Ticker 168 invited image | 61 are coming image | 10 can't make it image | 97 still need to reply! image
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    They still should have received an invitation. Sometimes things change at the last-minute and people are able to come. I told my cousin, several times, that we wouldn't be able to make it to his wedding. He sent me an invitation anyway, and by the time the RSVP deadline came around, we had managed to free up some funds to fly out.

    Even if they were 100% positive they couldn't come, it's still the courteous thing to do. Some brides include a note that says, "I know you told us you couldn't make it, but we wanted to let you know we are thinking of you and hope to see you soon."

  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    In Response to Re: Courtesy Invitation?:
    FI and I are sending one to the Obamas because we heard they send you a wedding card!  (Although if they actually came to the wedding I might have a heart attack!)
    Posted by julibug86
    Surprised

    I am totally going to do this.

  • They should have received invitations, even though they said they weren't coming. 

    You could go along with your mom's story and resend them.  That might be best to keep the peace.  However, I would probably send the aunt an email saying that you already discussed your wedding with your cousins, and you hope that they would bring up any problems or questions that came up about the wedding.  I would not explain to my aunt why I did not intentionally snub her adult, living-on-their-own children.

  • In Response to Re: Courtesy Invitation?:
    In Response to Re: Courtesy Invitation? : I am totally going to do this.
    Posted by wrigleyville
    We did this and got a nice little card back signed by the President and First Lady. We also sent one to the Clinton's (got a note) and also a Senator for our state that I met once through work who sent us a vase, lol.

    I know a couple who sent an invitation to Mickey Mouse and got a signed picture back from the whole Disney gang too, lol.

    Anyways, OP, if I was you, I'd just send one  (if you have an extra) to keep the peace with your family and just add a little note saying you're thinking of them and that they'll be missed or something along those lines. Good luck!
    image

  • In Response to Re: Courtesy Invitation?:
    In Response to Re: Courtesy Invitation? : We did this and got a nice little card back signed by the President and First Lady. We also sent one to the Clinton's (got a note) and also a Senator for our state that I met once through work who sent us a vase, lol. I know a couple who sent an invitation to Mickey Mouse and got a signed picture back from the whole Disney gang too, lol. Anyways, OP, if I was you, I'd just send one  (if you have an extra) to keep the peace with your family and just add a little note saying you're thinking of them and that they'll be missed or something along those lines. Good luck!
    Posted by Sweetjadedtears
    Haha. I never considered these, but I may have to try it!
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • In Response to Re: Courtesy Invitation?:
    In Response to Re: Courtesy Invitation? : I am totally going to do this.
    Posted by wrigleyville
    Mickey Mouse does it too. I'm inviting both him and the president to my wedding.
    image Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to Re: Courtesy Invitation?:
    In Response to Re: Courtesy Invitation? : We did this and got a nice little card back signed by the President and First Lady. We also sent one to the Clinton's (got a note) and also a Senator for our state that I met once through work who sent us a vase, lol. I know a couple who sent an invitation to Mickey Mouse and got a signed picture back from the whole Disney gang too, lol. Anyways, OP, if I was you, I'd just send one  (if you have an extra) to keep the peace with your family and just add a little note saying you're thinking of them and that they'll be missed or something along those lines. Good luck!
    Posted by Sweetjadedtears

    For the President and the Clintons (and you have to understand that the Clintons excite me way more, I want a note from Hillary), how did you find the addresses that you should send to, just Google? I must do this now.

    image
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Well now I'm going to send one to Jim Henson's Workshop and see what happens. If we get a wedding card from the Muppets, I will freak out.

  • In Response to Re: Courtesy Invitation?:
    In Response to Re: Courtesy Invitation? : For the President and the Clintons (and you have to understand that the Clintons excite me way more, I want a note from Hillary), how did you find the addresses that you should send to, just Google? I must do this now.
    Posted by divinemsbee
    Me too. I've been lucky enough to meet her a few times through school and work, and I absolutely love her! I sent it to her office at the State Department. I think I still have the address written down here somewhere that I can send you, but you can probably look it up online. :)
    image

  • Thanks for the posts.  With our invitations costing $15/set, that was more the reason I was hesitant to send out, and waste what could be an invitation for my album, etc.  Looks like I'll just put together a DIY one and send it out in the mail.

    And regarding last minute changes, no, one family lives in Orlando and in reality, doesn't want to spend the money to come, and the other one lives in Michigan who emailed me that they would be too busy sending my nephew to college this & next week, but are currently in the Bahamas.

    Ohh, fun stuff.  But alright, I won't dwell, with just a week and change to go, in the mail they'll go and I can just move on from this!
    Anniversary
  • Thanks for the posts.  With our invitations costing $15/set, that was more the reason I was hesitant to send out, and waste what could be an invitation for my album, etc.  Looks like I'll just put together a DIY one and send it out in the mail.

    And regarding last minute changes, no, one family lives in Orlando and in reality, doesn't want to spend the money to come, and the other one lives in Michigan who emailed me that they would be too busy sending my nephew to college this & next week, but are currently in the Bahamas.

    Ohh, fun stuff.  But alright, I won't dwell, with just a week and change to go, in the mail they'll go and I can just move on from this!
    Anniversary
  • In Response to Re: Courtesy Invitation?:
    In Response to Re: Courtesy Invitation? : I am totally going to do this.
    Posted by wrigleyville
    I'm going to do it too! lol
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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